What does it mean to lead with empathy? Why is empathy critical for managers to exhibit?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Out of all the skills needed to lead, empathy is the most important. Employees want an empathetic leader who understands their feelings, communicates with them, and makes them feel seen at work. Without empathy, your company will be a cold environment that doesn\u2019t drive results.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s look at how leading with empathy<\/a> impacts work, and how you can be an empathetic leader.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n Empathy is a fundamental people skill<\/strong>, allowing us to interpret what others want or need. This skill is especially important in what the author of Emotional Intelligence<\/em><\/a>, Daniel Goleman, refers to as the \u201ccaring professions,\u201d such as sales, management, or teaching. <\/p>\n\n\n\n How well you identify your own and others\u2019 emotions ultimately makes you a better person.<\/strong> Empathy is the root of altruism\u2014people who can\u2019t sense or understand another person\u2019s needs or anguish ultimately don\u2019t care what happens to that other person. Empathy changes the way you look at the world: when other people are in pain, you work to understand their pain and help them through it. You also work not to cause people pain: this is where morals and morality begin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The lower someone\u2019s capacity for empathy, the less likely they are to identify with suffering that they cannot understand, and the more likely they do not view that suffering as a moral question.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Being an empathetic leader requires examining your own role in the company and being a model example to others. To make sure you don\u2019t fail as a leader, we\u2019ll look at four ways to lead with empathy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Hard Thing About Hard Things<\/em><\/a> by Ben Horowitz and Rework<\/em><\/a> by Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson both discuss how providing a nurturing environment is an important proponent of empathetic leadership. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Take care of the people, and the products and profits will follow.<\/strong> If you reverse the priorities, you\u2019ll end up with a miserable workplace and possibly sabotage your success.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You can best take care of your people by making your company a good place to work. In Horowitz\u2019s terms, in a good place to work:<\/p>\n\n\n\n A poor place to work inverts all of these. People aren\u2019t clear about what their jobs are; they don\u2019t know if their work means anything; their work gets stymied by dumb obstacles, and people despise whom they work with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A great company culture<\/a> develops over time through consistent positive actions, <\/strong>not by installing foosball tables or espresso machines. If managers treat their employees kindly, kindness will become part of the company culture. If employees leave work daily at 5 p.m., then a healthy work\/life balance becomes the norm. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Focus your energies on creating an environment in which every employee can do his or her best work. Even a mediocre employee can do outstanding work in a nurturing environment. <\/strong>Give your employees the tools, space, privacy, respect, and trust they need to achieve greatness. Don’t create needless bureaucratic policies\u2014like having to get a manager\u2019s approval to leave work for a dentist appointment\u2014that make them feel like they work for Big Brother. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Use positive, direct, and clear language when dealing with your employees. Don’t use industry jargon or corporate-speak in the interest of sounding “professional.” <\/strong>And beware of absolutist language like “I need this by the end of the day,” “we can’t spend more time on this,” or “you should be able to do this easily.” These kinds of directives create unnecessary tension and stress. <\/p>\n\n\n\n When you “need” something done immediately, try phrasing it as a question: “Do you think you could finish this by the end of the day?” <\/p>\n\n\n\n Along the same lines, limit your use of “ASAP.” Most things don’t need to happen as soon as possible. Every request is not equally urgent, so save ASAP for when it really matters. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n In Carrots and Sticks Don\u2019t Work<\/em><\/a>, Paul Marciano says employees enjoy autonomy, with the freedom to take risks and seek novel solutions, which is why it\u2019s important to give them support and make them feel important. Autonomous employees are helpful because they\u2019re more flexible in responding to novel situations and require less management overhead. They provide the change they want to see in the organization, which increases a feeling of ownership in the company\u2019s success.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Autonomy requires trust from above, information sharing, sufficient resources, training, and decision-making<\/a> responsibility. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Autonomous employees require information sharing to understand the goals of the organization. Only then can they independently make decisions <\/strong>that don\u2019t detract from the team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Employees feel empowered when they have the resources to get their job done. They can only feel empowered when roadblocks and cumbersome processes are eliminated, or when they have the authority to change them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Training is one of the highest-leverage activities to invest in.<\/strong> In onboarding, training helps develop existing skills in the context of the new organization. Ongoing training promotes an expectation of a growth mindset<\/a>, trust in their ability for growth, and increases engagement with assignments at their limit of challenge. Functionally, growth leads to additional value from the employee and creates an internal pipeline of candidates for promotion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Overall, employees who feel well-resourced and trusted believe the organization wants them to succeed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Managers should provide feedback with the mindset of a coach<\/a>: I want you to be successful<\/strong>. This viewpoint makes employees feel cared for and lowers defensiveness (compared to the situation if the manager were just berating the employee).<\/p>\n\n\n\n 80% of feedback should be positive and reinforce behavior, while 20% should be about improving performance <\/strong>(constructive feedback). <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Give feedback often. Lack of support signals to the employee that she doesn\u2019t matter much and there\u2019s no hope for her. This can set off a vicious cycle of disengagement and confirmation bias<\/a> by the manager (\u201cI knew Tim was no good\u2014look at how disengaged he is. I\u2019m not going to waste time on him.\u201d). <\/p>\n\n\n\n Good constructive feedback comes quickly after a problem begins.<\/strong> This wastes fewer resources from suffering the problem and makes it less awkward to point out (as opposed to giving feedback on a problem 6 months earlier).<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you give feedback often enough, performance reviews should not contain any surprises. Some managers give so little feedback, positive or constructive, that employees are left in the dark about how they\u2019re doing. Then in end-of-year reviews, the manager shows up with a problem from 8 months ago. How does this feel fair to the employee?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Do not pile up all the bad news to unleash all at once. Would a coach wait until the season\u2019s over to tell his team how much they could improve? <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you want to lead with empathy, you\u2019ll need to take the time to address your employees\u2019 emotions. Humans have emotions; there\u2019s no way around them. People have emotional reactions, even at work\u2014maybe even especially<\/em> at work since we pour a fair amount of our lives into it. Ignoring feelings or casting them out of the workplace is not only inadvisable, but it\u2019s also nearly impossible, <\/strong>says the authors of Difficult Conversations<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As a recipient of emotions, the main fear about allowing emotions into the workplace is that the only way to deal with someone\u2019s feelings is to give them what they want.<\/strong> But addressing emotions in the workplace<\/a> can 1) prevent them from overwhelming people at work and 2) favor acknowledgment over \u201cfixing\u201d the feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The goal of a difficult conversation is to shift our mentality from assuming we already understand someone to wanting to understand them better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The key is to be genuinely<\/em><\/strong> curious<\/strong>. No matter how good you might be at doing the things listed on a good listening checklist, people can usually tell whether it\u2019s authentic or not. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Leading with empathy requires listening to the concerns and opinions of your employees, according to Jack Canfield\u2019s book The Success Principles<\/em><\/a>. People feel valued when leaders listen. In contrast, if employees feel they aren\u2019t being heard or their concerns are being ignored, it builds resentment that doesn\u2019t support a healthy work environment<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Good listening requires three skills that can be learned by anyone. These skills are interconnected skills centered on whether you\u2019re really listening or whether you\u2019re trying to prove a point. Let\u2019s take a look at the skills Difficult Conversations<\/em><\/a> says are essential for being an active listener and empathetic leader.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re not sure about your goal, ask yourself why you want to ask the question. If your answer is anything other than \u201cto learn about the other person,\u201d it\u2019s probably not a good question to ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t ask questions that are really statements.<\/strong> Often, we want to express a statement in a difficult conversation, and we mistakenly think it\u2019s more polite to ask it as a question instead. This usually comes off as snide or passive-aggressive. Instead of hearing your feelings or opinions, the other person will most likely focus on the attack and get defensive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t ask questions to prove the other person wrong. <\/strong>Questions you ask intending to prove someone wrong aren\u2019t focused on learning, they\u2019re focused on persuading or humiliating someone else. They usually serve as traps for the other person \u2014 and trapping them into an answer isn\u2019t aligned with the goal of learning. Again, the outcome will be defensiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ask open-ended questions.<\/strong> You\u2019ll get more information with these than with yes or no questions, or multiple-choice questions. Again, the goal should be to learn about the other person \u2014 you can only do that by getting them to talk. Use phrases like \u201ctell me more about\u2026\u201d or \u201chelp me better understand\u2026\u201d to get the other person talking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ask for more specific information<\/strong>, especially on anything you\u2019re confused about. Questions like, \u201cWhat leads you to say that?\u201d or \u201cCan you give me an example?\u201d or \u201cHow would that work?\u201d can be helpful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ask them about the 3 Conversations: <\/strong>What Happened, Feelings, and Identity conversations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Give them the option to <\/strong>not<\/em><\/strong> answer.<\/strong> Questions should be invitations, not demands. The other person should be able to refuse to answer your questions without any punishment. It builds trust if someone declines to answer a question and you show that it\u2019s okay. People often feel freer to answer questions if they feel they have the option not to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Paraphrasing someone\u2019s response means expressing, in your own words, your understanding of what they\u2019re saying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Paraphrasing helps you double-check whether your understanding is correct, and gives the other person an opportunity to clarify if you\u2019re misunderstanding something.<\/strong> This also confirms for the other person that you\u2019ve heard them, and are trying to understand them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n We usually repeat ourselves because we\u2019re not sure if someone\u2019s understood us \u2014 once we know they have, we can focus on listening to them in return. If you notice the other person repeating themselves, it probably means they don\u2019t feel understood yet.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Feelings desperately want to be acknowledged, and acknowledging someone else\u2019s feelings requires empathy. Empathy is \u201ca journey with a direction but no destination.\u201d Empathy requires us to move beyond observing someone from the outside, and imagine what it would be like to be them on the inside. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It won\u2019t be perfect\u2014we\u2019re all too complex to ever be totally understood by someone who isn\u2019t us. But psychologists discovered that it\u2019s more important to feel like someone is <\/strong>trying<\/em><\/strong> to empathize with us than believing they\u2019ve done it successfully.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Acknowledgment is about showing the other person that you\u2019re working to understand their feelings. Usually, this step requires us to paraphrase the things the other person <\/strong>isn\u2019t<\/em><\/strong> saying.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Another way to think of this is: feelings usually come with several unasked questions. Even an expression of anger that seems focused on an event probably has a silent question at its heart. Three examples of unasked questions are:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Acknowledging people\u2019s feelings gives a resounding yes to each of those questions. This helps them feel safer and ready to move forward in the conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Verbal responses aren\u2019t always necessary\u2014a nod or a look might be enough. But it\u2019s incredibly important to acknowledge feelings before you try to solve the problem.<\/strong> Order matters. Most of us skip straight to offering solutions because we think the issue is that there\u2019s a problem that needs to be fixed. Usually, people want their feelings heard first and foremost. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember: acknowledgment is <\/strong>not<\/em><\/strong> agreement.<\/strong> You might not agree with what the other person is feeling, but you should be able to acknowledge that their feelings are still important. You\u2019ll never get through a difficult conversation if you don\u2019t believe the other person\u2019s feelings are important\u2014it will most likely turn into an argument.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Success Principles<\/em><\/a> also says leaders need to be open to learning to be empathetic. Feedback from employees is an opportunity to learn and create new practices together that will benefit the company as a whole.<\/strong> For example, if an employee expresses interest in a matching 401(k) contribution from the company, explore why the employee is interested in it. Then, if you determine it makes sense, create a plan<\/a> to see it through. If you don\u2019t think it makes sense, explain your reasoning in a way that acknowledges the employee\u2019s perspective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While a lot of opportunities will open up to you as a leader, leadership is more about giving than taking. In The 5 Levels of Leadership<\/em><\/a>, John C. Maxwell offers these best behaviors to guide you:<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. Allow others to lead. <\/strong>As an empathetic leader, you want to develop leaders, not just gain followers, and that means that you should genuinely want other people to succeed, help them work on their strengths, empower them to lead, see their potential and help them get there, and set aside enough time to mentor them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You might think there\u2019s only so much room at the top so developing leaders would be pointless. But when you develop leaders and find places where they can contribute, you start a cycle that fuels an organization\u2019s growth, which in turn leads to a need for more good leaders. Find ways to create opportunities for expansion or initiatives that would require additional leaders to give them the chance to advance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As previously mentioned, this also means that empathetic leaders treat succession planning seriously. Maxwell believes that many leaders stay at an organization longer than they should, but that as a leader, you should treat succession like a relay race: Pass off the baton while both you and the next person are running at full speed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. Help others move up. <\/strong>Maxwell writes that you can develop other employees fit for leadership by tapping resources that can help them grow, such as speakers who can conduct workshops or organizations that can inspire them. You can also help them by using \u201ccrucible moments,\u201d which are personal experiences that taught you important lessons and molded you into the leader that you are. Or they can be situations you create for emerging leaders to help them reach their potential. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Answer the following questions to help you determine the best crucible moments for your emerging leaders:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Share these crucible moments with potential leaders to inspire them. They\u2019re behind you on the journey, so use your years of experience to help them move forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Create an environment that breeds leaders. <\/strong>How can you make your organization an incubator for leadership? Maxwell encourages you to find ways to make it conducive to developing leaders, then make it an integral part of their responsibilities to develop other leaders<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. Think of the possibilities for your organization and then make them happen. <\/strong>As an empathetic leader, you\u2019re in a unique position to effect great change. These changes can be wide-ranging, depending on your specific organization and circumstance. Think about products, services, values, and other improvements you can introduce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 5. Have an inner circle to keep you in check. <\/strong>Surround yourself with a trusted group of fellow leaders and let openness, honesty, and loyalty reign. Those in your inner circle<\/a> should not only help you raise the bar at the organization but also help keep you humble by telling you the truths you need to hear. Have a give-and-take relationship with them, fostering an atmosphere of trust and honesty. Work with them, help each other, and keep each other grounded.<\/p>\n\n\n\nWhy Empathy Is the Most Important Leadership Skill<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
How to Be an Empathetic Leader<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
1. Provide a Nurturing Environment<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Communicate Simply and Clearly <\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
2. Give Support<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Actionables for Empowerment<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Give Supportive Feedback<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Actionables for Supportive Feedback<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
3. Address Your Employees\u2019 Emotions<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
How to Listen to Your Employees<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Skill #1: Ask Questions with the Goal of Learning<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Skill #2: Paraphrase Their Responses<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Skill #3: Acknowledge Their Feelings<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
4. Always Work on Improving Yourself<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n