{"id":87590,"date":"2023-01-02T14:37:00","date_gmt":"2023-01-02T18:37:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=87590"},"modified":"2023-01-03T11:48:09","modified_gmt":"2023-01-03T15:48:09","slug":"i-thought-it-was-just-me-brene-brown","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/i-thought-it-was-just-me-brene-brown\/","title":{"rendered":"I Thought It Was Just Me by Bren\u00e9 Brown: Overview"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What is I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)<\/em> by Bren\u00e9 Brown about? What are the main takeaways of the book?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Allowing shame to control our thoughts and feelings<\/a> wreaks havoc on our health and happiness<\/a>. In I Thought It Was Just Me<\/em>, Bren\u00e9 Brown contends that to live a happy, empowered life you must combat shame by practicing empathy toward yourself and others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read below for a brief overview of I Thought It Was Just Me<\/em> by Bren\u00e9 Brown.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

I Thought It Was Just Me<\/em> by Bren\u00e9 Brown<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In I Thought It Was Just Me<\/em>, Bren\u00e9 Brown discusses one of the most taboo topics of our culture: shame. She explains that shame is an intense feeling similar to embarrassment. It triggers feelings of fear, blame, and disconnection that can consume us and cause us to lash out at ourselves and others. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Brown says many people lack the skills necessary to handle and overcome shame<\/a>, despite it being an all-encompassing and common sensation. Our inability to deal with shame wreaks havoc on our health, happiness, and relationships, and it perpetuates the cultural acceptance of shaming others. <\/strong>Brown contends that to live a happy, empowered life and help others to do the same, you must learn how to combat shame by practicing empathy toward yourself and others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn\u2019t)<\/em> is Brown\u2019s first book, written in 2007 when she was a professor and researcher studying women\u2019s experiences of shame. Today, Brown is an author of numerous best-sellers, a research professor, a lecturer, and a podcast host who studies courage, vulnerability, empathy, and shame. Some of her most popular books include The Gifts of Imperfection<\/em><\/a>, <\/em>Daring Greatly<\/em><\/a>, <\/em>Dare to Lead<\/em><\/a>, <\/em>and Atlas of the Heart<\/em><\/a>. <\/em>She\u2019s the host of two podcasts, Unlocking Us<\/em><\/a> and Dare to Lead<\/em><\/a>, and is well-known for her 2010 TEDx talk on the power of vulnerability<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shame Causes Fear, Blame, and Disconnection<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Brown defines shame as a toxic, excruciating feeling that occurs when something or someone makes us feel like we\u2019re defective and unworthy of love and connection<\/strong>. Shame most often happens when we believe we\u2019re being labeled with an identity that we don\u2019t want to be associated with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, if you value being important, you might feel shame when another person outwits you because it makes you feel unimportant. Or, if you want to be seen as hardworking, you might experience shame when your boss suggests you spend more time on your work because you fear they think you\u2019re a slacker. Ultimately, when our desired identities are threatened by identities we disdain, we experience shame. <\/strong>And according to Brown, when we allow shame to consume our mind, it produces three feelings that cause harm to our health, happiness, and relationships: 1) fear, 2) blame<\/em>, and 3) disconnection<\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Empathy Is The Solution To Shame<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Based on her research, Brown argues that <\/strong>empathy<\/em><\/strong> is the solution to shame<\/strong>. Brown defines empathy as using our own experiences to understand others\u2019 thoughts, feelings, and behaviors from their <\/em>perspectives without judgment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

While we can\u2019t entirely avoid experiences of shame, Brown says that strengthening our ability to empathize with both ourselves and others makes us less reactive to shame and combats the feelings of fear<\/em>, blame<\/em>, and disconnection<\/em> that shame causes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Brown says there are three components of empathy that combat the products of shame: courage, compassion, and connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How To Build Empathy and Combat Shame<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Now that we\u2019ve explored what shame and empathy are, let\u2019s look at some specific practices for overcoming shame<\/a> and building empathy. There are three main practices that Brown recommends you integrate into your daily life:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice #1: Acknowledge Your Shame and What Causes It<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

First, Brown notes, to start building empathy and combating shame, you must recognize when you\u2019re experiencing it and what\u2019s causing it<\/strong>. Recognizing your shame and its causes will allow you to separate from your negative thoughts and emotions before they can cause you to experience fear<\/em>, react with blame,<\/em> and become disconnected<\/em> from yourself and others. Acknowledging your shame will enable you to practice courage, compassion<\/em>, and connection<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice #2: Develop Critical Awareness of Shame<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Brown explains that a second vital practice in developing empathy and combating shame is to understand shame<\/a> with critical awareness<\/em><\/strong>. Brown defines critical awareness (as it relates to shame) as an understanding of why we deem certain identities as shameful, how shame around these identities impacts society, who\u2019s most affected by the shame of identities, and who benefits the most from them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To develop critical awareness about shame, think of an identity that makes you feel ashamed. Which components of this shameful identity contradict society\u2019s or your inner circle\u2019s expectations? Then, think of the ideal you feel like you’re supposed to be living up to instead, and consider its impact on society at large: Who suffers because of this ideal’s existence, and who profits from it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice #3: Learn to Talk About Shame and Connect With Others<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Brown\u2019s final practice for developing empathy and combating shame is learning how to talk about shame and connect with others<\/a>.<\/strong> We connect with others by sharing experiences and establishing mutual support. This is crucial to combating shame because it facilitates the empathy element of connection, <\/em>which helps you put courage <\/em>and compassion <\/em>into action. Further, once you learn how to express your own shame and ask for support, you\u2019ll be better equipped to listen to others and provide them<\/em> with support.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What is I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) by Bren\u00e9 Brown about? What are the main takeaways of the book? Allowing shame to control our thoughts and feelings wreaks havoc on our health and happiness. In I Thought It Was Just Me, Bren\u00e9 Brown contends that to live a happy, empowered life you must combat shame by practicing empathy toward yourself and others. Read below for a brief overview of I Thought It Was Just Me by Bren\u00e9 Brown.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":87263,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[40,9,43],"tags":[841],"class_list":["post-87590","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-books","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-i-thought-it-was-just-me-but-it-isnt","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nI Thought It Was Just Me by Bren\u00e9 Brown: Overview - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In I Thought It Was Just Me, Bren\u00e9 Brown explains how shame impacts our lives. 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