{"id":85754,"date":"2022-12-02T16:06:00","date_gmt":"2022-12-02T20:06:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=85754"},"modified":"2022-12-06T16:09:31","modified_gmt":"2022-12-06T20:09:31","slug":"accept-your-flaws","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accept-your-flaws\/","title":{"rendered":"Embracing Imperfection: How to Accept Your Flaws"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Why is it important to accept your flaws? How does hiding your flaws eat away at your chance of finding happiness<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No matter how hard you try, you\u2019re never going to be perfect. We all have our flaws and insecurities, and that\u2019s OK. What\u2019s not OK is being preoccupied with hiding them in an effort to project a false image of yourself to gain social approval.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s why it\u2019s important to accept your flaws and embrace who you are<\/a>, as flawed as you may be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Culture of Scarcity<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We all have flaws and weaknesses. Some we can work to improve, while others may stay with us forever, and that\u2019s OK\u2014we are all human after all. However, we live in a culture that makes it difficult to accept ourselves the way we are because its main focus is on our inadequacies.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Bren\u00e9 Brown, in such a culture\u2014a \u201cculture of scarcity\u201d\u2014everyone is preoccupied with what they lack. As a way of control, we hold up an idealized image of ourselves, our lives, our days (in other words, Instagram-worthy), and when reality doesn\u2019t hold up, we experience suffering. From a cultural standpoint, this creates problematic results:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Manifestation #1: Shame<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Shame is characterized by fear of not being worthy of love, connection, or belonging. In other words, it\u2019s the internalized manifestation of \u201cnever enough\u201d culture. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, sometimes one generation will shame another generation for their mistakes or perceived inadequacies. Consider the way the \u201cBoomer\u201d generation sees the \u201cMillennial\u201d generation as not being responsible or hard working enough (or vice versa, with Millennials viewing Boomers as not being flexible or adaptable enough). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Manifestation #2: Disengagement<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Disengagement is lack of connection, whether it be a lack of willingness to connect, or an inability to connect. It is a type of burnout<\/a> that arises from unsuccessfully seeking meaningful presence within a culture that is profoundly focused on what is not present.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, students and teachers alike struggle to meaningfully connect with one another, whether it be due to large class sizes that don\u2019t allow for personal engagement or material taught for the purpose of passing a standardized test. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Manifestation #3: Comparison<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

To compare is to rank someone or something against another, and allow that ranking to determine value. Scarcity culture breeds comparison, because everyone is always comparing what they have (or lack) to what others have (or lack), whether that be material or emotional. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, you are bombarded on a daily basis with messages and images that encourage you to compare who you are, and what you have with that of others. Consider the woman who is obsessed with fixing her physical imperfections because she is comparing herself to pictures of women in magazines. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nTITLE: Daring Greatly
\nAUTHOR: Bren\u00e9 Brown
\nTIME: 36
\nREADS: 130
\nIMG_URL: https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/daring-greatly-cover.png
\nBOOK_SUMMARYURL: daring-greatly-summary-bren\u00e9-brown
\nAMZN_ID: XYZ
\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Accepting Yourself Wholly and Unconditionally<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Living in a culture where everyone is preoccupied with their inadequacies, accepting yourself wholly and unconditionally\u2014including your flaws and insecurities\u2014is especially difficult. However, it\u2019s important to accept all aspects of yourself, no matter how much you don’t like them\u2014selective self-acceptance only exaggerates the focus on your flaws and makes it harder to be happy with yourself as you are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, you might wish that you felt more confident interacting with others. Not<\/em> accepting this part of yourself<\/a> makes you feel more self-conscious about how confident you appear<\/em>\u2014you judge yourself according to how well you perform in individual interactions. After confident interactions, you feel good about yourself<\/a> and you feel happy. After unconfident interactions, you feel bad about yourself, uncomfortable about this part of yourself, and unhappy. This leads you to conclude that your unconfidence is the cause<\/em> of your unhappiness and it impels you to reject<\/em> this aspect of yourself\u2014for example, by projecting a false image of confidence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the other hand, unconditional self-acceptance<\/a> keeps your self-judgment consistent regardless of how confident you feel in each interaction. You\u2019ve already accepted yourself, so you don\u2019t look to others to decide how you should feel about yourself. As a result, you don\u2019t feel impelled to mask any aspects of yourself and find it easier to maintain a feeling of happiness regardless of your flaws or what others might think of you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Additionally, being able to accept your flaws is important because you can only change what you accept. You can only find the motivation to change<\/a> only <\/em>when you accept the reality you dislike. For example, you\u2019ll only act to improve your self-esteem<\/a> if you accept<\/em> that you have low self-esteem<\/a>. If you deny that you have low self-esteem, why would you try to change it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nTITLE: The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
\nAUTHOR: Nathaniel Branden
\nTIME: 66
\nREADS: 67.2
\nIMG_URL: https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-cover.png
\nBOOK_SUMMARYURL: the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-summary-nathaniel-branden
\nAMZN_ID: XYZ
\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice Self-Compassion <\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Being kinder to yourself can help you accept your flaws, rather than punish yourself for them or work desperately to hide them. When you think or talk about your flaws, mistakes, or struggles, try to do so without a tone of shame or criticism. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, try to avoid such thought patterns<\/a> such as \u201cmaking this mistake makes me a bad person\u201d or \u201cif I didn\u2019t have this flaw, I\u2019d be worthy.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, frame your flaws in a tender and compassionate way. For example, tell yourself, \u201cMy flaws don\u2019t define me or my worth,\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t need to achieve perfection: I just need to do the best I can under my current circumstances,\u201d or \u201cIt\u2019s okay to be imperfect; everyone is.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nTITLE: The Gifts of Imperfection
\nAUTHOR: Bren\u00e9 Brown
\nTIME: 42
\nREADS: 112.4
\nIMG_URL: https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/the-gifts-of-imperfection-cover.png
\nBOOK_SUMMARYURL: the-gifts-of-imperfection-summary-bren\u00e9-brown
\nAMZN_ID: XYZ
\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let Go of Chasing Validation<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

When your happiness is tied up with how you perceive others\u2019 reactions to you, you feel impelled to hide your flaws and project a pleasing or impressive image of yourself. You make decisions about how to look and behave, your career, and your possessions to support this image. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a result, you never feel like you\u2019re good enough to receive the validation you crave because there are always new expectations to meet or ways that others appear to be doing better than you. Overall, you spend more time chasing validation<\/a> and less time feeling happy with who you are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of chasing<\/em> validation, focus on feeling<\/em> happiness. You can free yourself from the need for validation by shifting the focus from how others perceive you to what you need to feel happy. <\/strong>This shift in thinking encourages a cycle of happiness: Self-acceptance inspires you to align your behaviors and decisions with what makes you happy<\/a>. This alignment encourages positive self-judgment and influences you to make decisions that further increase your happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nTITLE: The Happiness Equation<\/a>
\nAUTHOR: Neil Pasricha
\nTIME: 14
\nREADS: 62.8
\nIMG_URL: https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/the-happiness-equation-cover.png
\nBOOK_SUMMARYURL: the-happiness-equation-summary-neil-pasricha
\nAMZN_ID: XYZ
\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Final Words<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Modern culture\u2014with its focus on lack and obsession with perfection\u2014makes accepting ourselves wholly and unconditionally very difficult. However, unwillingness to accept your flaws will always stand in the way of being satisfied and finding real happiness. If you’re going to be happy, you have to learn how to accept yourself<\/a> in all your flawed glory. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you enjoyed our article on how to accept your flaws, check out the following suggestions for further reading: <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Happiness Trap<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In The Happiness Trap<\/em>, therapist and life coach Russ Harris argues that humans are hardwired to relentlessly pursue happiness. But this instinct makes us miserable today, leading to widespread anxiety, stress, and depression. We\u2019re caught in a happiness trap, where the harder we try to be happy<\/a>, the less happy we become.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Harris contends the answer to happiness and fulfillment is practicing the techniques of ACT, or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. The techniques\u2014rooted in behavioral psychology and mindfulness\u2014help you escape the happiness trap by accepting painful thoughts and emotions<\/a> as part of life, while clarifying and living your values.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Untethered Soul<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most people lead fragmented and unhappy lives full of suffering, driven by a variety of conflicting impulses even as they yearn to be true to their real selves. But fortunately, there\u2019s an infallible expert on the subject of who you really are<\/a>: you. You\u2019re the only one with firsthand knowledge of what it\u2019s like to be yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In The Untethered Soul<\/em>, spiritual teacher Michael A. Singer, founder of the Temple of the Universe meditation<\/a> center and a pioneering figure in the world of medical software, teaches you how to use your direct self-knowledge as an intuitive tool for spiritual awakening. Combining powerful principles with practical techniques, he shows you how to free yourself from false identities and live an enlightened life of peace, joy, creativity, and divine love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Radical Acceptance<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Radical Acceptance is a meditative practice wherein we acknowledge what we\u2019re experiencing\u2014positive or negative\u2014and welcome it. It\u2019s a powerful tool that allows us to be fully present<\/a> in each passing moment. It helps us avoid getting stuck in our own heads.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tara Brach, a practicing psychologist and devout Buddhist, discusses how we can use Radical Acceptance to live our lives more fully by always bringing our full attention to the present moment and accepting it for what it is. You’ll learn how we get trapped in the stories we tell ourselves, and how Radical Acceptance can bring us out of the trance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why is it important to accept your flaws? How does hiding your flaws eat away at your chance of finding happiness? No matter how hard you try, you\u2019re never going to be perfect. We all have our flaws and insecurities, and that\u2019s OK. What\u2019s not OK is being preoccupied with hiding them in an effort to project a false image of yourself to gain social approval.\u00a0 Here\u2019s why it\u2019s important to accept your flaws and embrace who you are, as flawed as you may be.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":83567,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43,6],"tags":[452],"class_list":["post-85754","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","category-spiritual","tag-guides","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nEmbracing Imperfection: How to Accept Your Flaws - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"No matter how hard you try, you\u2019ll never be perfect. 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