{"id":85556,"date":"2022-11-26T16:17:00","date_gmt":"2022-11-26T20:17:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=85556"},"modified":"2022-12-02T16:39:13","modified_gmt":"2022-12-02T20:39:13","slug":"accepting-change","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-change\/","title":{"rendered":"The Art of Accepting Change and Moving on&nbsp;"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do you have a hard time accepting change and moving forward to the next chapter in your life? How does refusing to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-change-in-life\/\">embrace change<\/a> prevent you from living to the fullest?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In all aspects of life, there is only one thing that is certain, and that is change. Therefore, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-do-people-resist-change\/\">resisting change<\/a> is resisting life itself. If you want to live a rich and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/living-a-fulfilled-life\/\">fulfilling life<\/a>, you need to work on accepting change\u2014good and bad, big and small, expected or unexpected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here\u2019s a guide on how to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accept-change\/\">accept change<\/a> and move forward without regrets and resistance.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-what-not-to-do-when-handling-change\"><strong>What Not to Do When Handling Change<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When change happens, many people struggle to accept it, hoping that things will return to the way they were. But if your world really has changed, the longer you entertain that false hope, the more difficult it will be for you to move forward again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Therefore, accepting change starts with letting go of the false hope that things will go back to the way they were. Don\u2019t try to bring back the past by working harder in the hope you can stem the tide of change\u2014that approach is futile. What used to work may no longer work in the new situation. Practically, this might mean:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>If you\u2019re about to be laid off for larger economic reasons, trying harder to do your job might not rescue your job. And finding the same job elsewhere might be worse than <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-learn-new-skills\/\">learning new skills<\/a> to transition to a new job.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Approaching a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/broken-relationship\/\">broken relationship<\/a> the same way you always have won\u2019t rescue it.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, don\u2019t dwell on the unfairness of it all. When change impacts you, it\u2019s easy to get hung up on the \u201cunfairness\u201d of having your life disrupted. But if you get stuck on that thought, you\u2019ll end up hurting yourself. Fair or unfair, the change has happened. Now you have to deal with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-accept-and-handle-change-successfully\"><strong>How to Accept and Handle Change Successfully<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Change is a natural and inevitable part of life, and resisting inevitability is futile and frustrating. Although you might feel satisfied for a brief period, staying static in the face of change could eventually lead to extinction.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As mentioned earlier, the first step to accepting change is to kill the false hope that things will revert to the way they were. <strong>Accept the new state of affairs and move forward quickly. <\/strong>The longer you wait, the more resistance you build to moving, and the harder it\u2019ll be to adapt later. Many people who finally muster the courage to leave a job or relationship that\u2019s not working for them, often wonder in retrospect why they hadn\u2019t made the change sooner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As the change unfolds, commit to maintaining a positive outlook and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-keep-an-open-mind\/\">keeping an open mind<\/a> to new things: There are always experiences and opportunities available beyond those you are currently familiar with. New experiences, discoveries, and achievements are stimulating and rewarding, and you might like them even more than what you used to have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, always be on the lookout for signs of change in your environment, whether it\u2019s layoffs at your workplace, new aches and pains, or strains in your home life. Consider how potential changes could affect you and develop a plan to handle them\u2014for instance, by learning new skills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"book-template\">\r\nTITLE: Who Moved My Cheese?<br>\r\nAUTHOR: Spencer Johnson<br>\r\nTIME: 21<br>\r\nREADS: 27.6<br>\r\nIMG_URL: https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/movedcheese_cover.jpg<br>\r\nBOOK_SUMMARYURL: https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/summary\/who-moved-my-cheese-summary-spencer-johnson<br>\r\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-surrendering-to-illness-and-suffering\"><strong>Surrendering to Illness and Suffering<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Dealing with money problems or a job you don\u2019t like is one thing. But how can you work on accepting changes that are painful, unsettling, or even tragic\u2014like illness or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/death-of-a-loved-one\/\">death of a loved one<\/a>?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In his book <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-power-of-now\"><em>The Power of Now<\/em><\/a>, spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle says that you have two chances at surrendering to such changes:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>You can surrender to the circumstances of the Now, because you can\u2019t change what already is.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>If you can\u2019t surrender to the external, surrender to the internal. Surrender to the pain, grief, sadness, fear, or loneliness you are feeling.<\/strong> Allow yourself to feel this way without judging, analyzing, or pitying yourself.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Once you recognize and accept these negative emotions, you are less likely to blindly act on them. <strong>However, at some point, you will need to stop creating this negativity. <\/strong>Otherwise, your acceptance just becomes indulgence that allows you to carry on in this mental pattern. Don\u2019t use temporary escapes\u2014such as work, drugs, sex, alcohol, food, shopping, or any other short-term pleasure\u2014to avoid the pain. If you do, the pain will be waiting for you, possibly more intensely, when that pleasure fades.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, there is a silver lining to even the most unwanted and painful changes. You can use pain, illness, and suffering to push you deep into presence and enlightenment. Through extreme circumstances and pain, you may find yourself in a position where you have nowhere else to turn but inward to finally find peace and enlightenment.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class='book-template'>\r\nTITLE: The Power of Now<br>\r\nAUTHOR: Eckhart Tolle<br>\r\nTIME: 28<br>\r\nREADS: 30.1<br>\r\nIMG_URL: https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/powerofnow_cover.jpg<br>\r\nBOOK_SUMMARYURL: the-power-of-now-summary-eckhart-tolle<br>\r\nAMZN_ID: B002361MLA<br>\r\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-successfully-enact-change\"><strong>How to Successfully Enact Change<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>So far, we\u2019ve discussed accepting change that\u2019s unexpected, destabilizing, and undesirable. But what if you do <em>desire change<\/em>, but find it difficult to make it a reality? Anyone who\u2019s ever tried to quit smoking or go on a diet knows how hard it is to make changes. Polls on the success of people attempting to make personal changes show <a href=\"https:\/\/today.yougov.com\/topics\/lifestyle\/articles-reports\/2020\/12\/23\/2021-new-years-resolutions-poll\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">failure rates from 50%<\/a> to<a href=\"https:\/\/skooloflife.medium.com\/why-96-percent-of-personal-development-efforts-fail-63a0990b7c1d#.ufy1h2npb\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"> as much as 96%<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Chip and Dan Heath, the authors of <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/switch\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard<\/em><\/a>, making successful changes depends on <em>three<\/em> essential elements: 1) your rational side, 2) your emotional side, and 3) the environment you shape.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-element-1-rational-you\"><strong>Element #1: Rational You<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Your rational side is the part of you that sets goals, plans for the future, and carefully analyzes problems before taking action. In short, this is the \u201cyou\u201d that you <em>want<\/em> to be.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>However, there\u2019s a major hidden flaw of your rational side that actually holds you back from making changes.<\/strong> Your rational side tends to overthink problems, overanalyze possible solutions, and get stuck in details, information, and options. Though your rational side <em>wants<\/em> to make a change, it paralyzes itself and holds you back from taking action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, making plans to exercise more is fairly straightforward. However, your rational side will go into overdrive\u2014analyzing the types of exercise you like and dislike, trying to find the best workout routine for your body type and goals, researching gym memberships, checking where exercise will fit into your busy schedule, and so on. Instead of exercising more, you get stuck <em>thinking about<\/em> exercising more.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-element-2-emotional-you\"><strong>Element #2: Emotional You&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Your emotional side is the part of you that acts instinctively and is easily driven by the possibility of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/immediate-gratification-2\/\">instant gratification<\/a>. When changes fail, it\u2019s usually your emotional side\u2019s fault\u2014change hinges on the ability to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/defer-gratification\/\">delay gratification<\/a> and make short-term sacrifices in exchange for a long-term payoff.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>However, there\u2019s a major hidden <\/strong><strong><em>advantage<\/em><\/strong><strong> of your emotional side that can drive successful change. <\/strong>Your emotional side is <em>much stronger<\/em> than your rational side\u2014if you can harness the energy of your emotions and point it in the right direction, it will do most of the legwork in getting you to your goal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, if your goal is to get more exercise, you might get yourself excited and emotionally invested in exercise by focusing on how you\u2019ll feel when you finally complete your first marathon. It becomes easier to put on your running shoes once you elevate exercise from an obligation to an exciting process with an emotionally charged goal.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Rational You and Emotional You <em>Must<\/em> Sync Up&nbsp;<\/strong><br><br><strong>When change fails, it\u2019s often due to a conflict for control between your rational side and your emotional side. <\/strong>Jonathan Haidt explains this conflict in <em>The Happiness Hypothesis, <\/em>where he compares the struggle between your rational side and emotional side to a rider atop an elephant, urging it forward. The elephant is far stronger than the rider\u2014if they have different ideas about where to go, the rider will lose <em>every<\/em> time.&nbsp;<br><br>This is why, even though you rationally understand the importance of sticking to your diet, you give up and indulge as soon as you see something you\u2019re craving. The elephant overpowers the rider and drives you straight into a cheesecake.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-element-3-the-path-forward\"><strong>Element #3: The Path Forward<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The \u201cpath forward\u201d is the environment you create around a change\u2014a successful path is shaped to keep both the rational rider and the emotional elephant moving forward together.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A clear, successful path has two important elements:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>There aren\u2019t any instant-gratification distractions lying in sight, off to the side. These temptations will cause your emotional side to overpower your rational side, veering off the path and getting lost.&nbsp;<\/li><li>The road is straight and clear of roadblocks. These will cause your rational ride to stop and overthink which direction to move in or how to solve the roadblock. The pair will never make it to their destination.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Interestingly, the path can either work <\/strong><strong><em>independently <\/em><\/strong><strong>of your rational and emotional elements, or it can <\/strong><strong><em>work in tandem<\/em><\/strong><strong> with them.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>The path can be an independent \u201cquick track\u201d to change. However, this only works if it\u2019s absolutely foolproof\u2014that is, the path is completely straight and clear with <em>no<\/em> distractions. This can be very difficult to achieve, meaning distractions are likely to happen. And, because you bypassed getting a handle on your rational and emotional selves, these small distractions irreversibly derail your progress toward change.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>The path works better as an aid to your in-sync rational and emotional sides. On this path, there may be distractions or unexpected twists\u2014but since your rational and emotional selves are a balanced team, you can shake off the road bump and continue moving forward.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class='book-template'>\nTITLE: Switch<br>\nAUTHOR: Chip and Dan Heath<br>\nTIME: 34<br>\nREADS: 97.6<br>\nIMG_URL: https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/switch-cover.png<br>\nBOOK_SUMMARYURL: switch-summary-chip-and-dan-heath<br>\nAMZN_ID: XYZ<br>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-final-words\"><strong>Final Words<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>We all experience change in our lives. It can be distressing or rewarding, depending on whether you choose to accept it and adapt or resist it and complain about it.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>If you enjoyed our article about accepting change, check out the following suggestions for further reading:<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/loving-what-is\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong><em>Loving What Is<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In <em>Loving What Is<\/em>, best-selling author and spiritual teacher Byron Katie argues that you don\u2019t have to resign yourself to living in a constant state of misery. She explains that life experiences don\u2019t cause <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/healing-emotional-pain-eckhart-tolle-emotions\/\">emotional pain<\/a>, only resistant thoughts that judge experiences as somehow wrong or unwanted. Therefore, releasing resistant thoughts allows you to accept and feel at peace with life, no matter what happens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/radical-acceptance\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong><em>Radical Acceptance<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this book, Tara Brach, a practicing psychologist and devout Buddhist, discusses how we can use the meditative practice of Radical Acceptance to live our lives more fully by always bringing our full attention to the present moment and accepting it for what it is. You&#8217;ll learn how we get trapped in the stories we tell ourselves, and how Radical Acceptance can bring us out of the trance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you have a hard time accepting change and moving forward to the next chapter in your life? How does refusing to embrace change prevent you from living to the fullest? In all aspects of life, there is only one thing that is certain, and that is change. Therefore, resisting change is resisting life itself. If you want to live a rich and fulfilling life, you need to work on accepting change\u2014good and bad, big and small, expected or unexpected. Here\u2019s a guide on how to accept change and move forward without regrets and resistance.&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":46602,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,43,6],"tags":[452],"class_list":["post-85556","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-self-improvement","category-spiritual","tag-guides","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Art of Accepting Change and Moving on&nbsp; - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Change is natural and inevitable, and resisting inevitability is futile and frustrating. Here&#039;s a guide on how to accept change and move on.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-change\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Art of Accepting Change and Moving on&nbsp;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Change is natural and inevitable, and resisting inevitability is futile and frustrating. Here&#039;s a guide on how to accept change and move on.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-change\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-11-26T20:17:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-12-02T20:39:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/effective-change-management.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"750\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"369\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-change\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-change\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"The Art of Accepting Change and Moving on&nbsp;\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-11-26T20:17:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-12-02T20:39:13+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-change\/\"},\"wordCount\":1849,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-change\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/effective-change-management.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Guides\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Lifestyle\",\"Self-Improvement\",\"Spiritual\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-change\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-change\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-change\/\",\"name\":\"The Art of Accepting Change and Moving on&nbsp; - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-change\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-change\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/effective-change-management.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-11-26T20:17:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-12-02T20:39:13+00:00\",\"description\":\"Change is natural and inevitable, and resisting inevitability is futile and frustrating. 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