{"id":85064,"date":"2022-11-24T07:32:00","date_gmt":"2022-11-24T11:32:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=85064"},"modified":"2022-12-05T15:29:50","modified_gmt":"2022-12-05T19:29:50","slug":"what-do-women-look-for-in-men","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-do-women-look-for-in-men\/","title":{"rendered":"What Do Women Look for in Men?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What do women look for in men? Is there a universal attribute that all women fall for?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Mark Manson, women desire genuinely confident men. Men who embody confidence are perceived as “high-status.” Furthermore, confidence helps you connect with women more effectively and not get affected by rejection. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here’s why confidence is the key to attracting women<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

How Inner Confidence Helps You With Women<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

What do women look for in men? According to Mark Manson, women desire men who embody \u201cnon-neediness<\/strong>,\u201d or inner confidence\u2014in other words, a man whose sense of self-worth<\/a> depends on how he<\/em> judges himself, rather than how others judge him.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, Manson explains that inner confidence attracts women because it signals that you are \u201chigh-status,\u201d or high-value, which women find attractive. Women evolved to desire high-value men because the higher the man\u2019s value, the better he could provide for his offspring. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Back when the factors we use today to gauge a man\u2019s value\u2014like money\u2014didn\u2019t exist, women gauged a man\u2019s value based on his confidence. In hierarchical tribal societies, low-value men had<\/em> to care about what (higher-value) others thought of them to ensure their survival. Conversely, high-value men were able to disregard most others\u2019 opinions. Therefore, in the modern day, if you\u2019re unconcerned with others\u2019 opinions, a woman perceives you as high-value; if you\u2019re concerned with their opinions, she perceives you as low-value. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What Evolutionary Psychologists Say About What Women Want<\/strong>

Among evolutionary psychologists, the idea that women evolved to desire higher-value men because they could provide better for their offspring is known as the \u201cevolved preferences theory<\/a>.\u201d Most proponents of this theory argue that women evolved this preference because they were unable to get resources on their own. They also argue that women gauged a man\u2019s value based on his proven ability to acquire resources, like food, instead of on his confidence.

However, some psychologists believe in \u201csocial roles theory,\u201d which posits that women started to desire men who could provide them with greater resources after<\/em> the advent of agriculture. They assert that when humans evolved distinctly human characteristics, we were still hunter-gatherers. In such a society, female gatherers found and provided most of the resources (the food)\u2014so there would have been no evolutionary advantage for men who could acquire good resources (since women were the ones gathering those resources anyway). It wasn\u2019t until humans developed agriculture that women started to depend more on their mates for food\u2014which was when they started to prefer men with more resources. 

Based on social roles theory, Manson\u2019s contention that a woman gauges your value based solely on your confidence would be false; you would need to have actual resources (like money) in order to attract a woman. <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Second, Manson explains that by developing inner confidence, you\u2019ll more efficiently build deeper connections with the women you desire. When you develop confidence, you\u2019re able to view rejection as a benefit: If one woman rejects you, it only means they wouldn\u2019t have been a good match, and you now have the chance to find someone who is. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Manson focuses primarily on why you should view being rejected by women you\u2019re trying<\/em> to date as a benefit. In How to Not Die Alone<\/em><\/a>, Logan Ury adds that you should adopt a similar perspective if a woman you\u2019re already<\/em> dating rejects you, explaining that reframing your breakup positively will help you recover faster<\/a>. Specifically, Ury recommends writing a diary listing both what\u2019s good about the breakup and what was negative about the relationship.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you don\u2019t fear rejection, you\u2019re more willing to \u201cpolarize,\u201d or push women into deciding how they feel about you, which Manson argues is the key to male dating strategy. You\u2019ll inevitably encounter some women who are clearly disinterested (whom you should ignore) and some who clearly desire you (whom you should approach). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, most of the women you meet will be initially \u201cneutral,\u201d or lukewarm in their feelings toward you\u2014in other words, she doesn\u2019t know yet if she likes you. But if she remains<\/em> lukewarm too long, she\u2019ll likely grow disinterested. So whenever you meet such a woman, you should push her out of that mindset by doing something that makes her immediately decide whether or not she\u2019s interested\u2014like asking for her number<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Mating in Captivity<\/em><\/a> <\/em>author Esther Perel warns that it\u2019s not just women who are lukewarm toward you who might grow disinterested; a woman with whom you\u2019re in a committed relationship may also lose her attraction to you<\/a>. Perel attributes this loss to the institutionalized nature of commitment: Typically, when women commit to men, they start to inhabit social roles that revolve around others\u2014like wife or mother. But Perel contends that women are most aroused by being desired, which requires that they focus solely on themselves. So if a woman is, for example, a man\u2019s wife, she struggles to temporarily set aside that role\u2014and so she doesn\u2019t desire him.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Manson explains that pushing has two main benefits: First, it demonstrates confidence\u2014so doing it to a lukewarm woman ups the chances that she\u2019ll grow interested. Second, pushing improves your efficiency: If the lukewarm woman decides she doesn\u2019t<\/em> like you, she\u2019ll let you know quickly\u2014and then you can move on to finding and building a connection with someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pushing: An Alternate Perspective<\/strong>

Like Manson, in The Unplugged Alpha<\/em><\/a>, Cooper writes that you\u2019ll meet some women who are clearly uninterested, some who are neutral, and some who are interested (your \u201cpromoters\u201d). Cooper also agrees that you should ignore women who are clearly uninterested.

Unlike Manson, Cooper doesn\u2019t recommend pushing a neutral woman to prompt her to decide whether she likes you. This is because, according to Cooper, you can only get women to like you by being<\/em> attractive. You can\u2019t turn a neutral woman into your promoter by merely altering your approach (such as by pushing and asking for her number); you\u2019d have to become<\/em> more <\/em>attractive by improving yourself<\/a>. Therefore, Cooper recommends that you approach only your promoters; ignore neutral women, who won\u2019t be interested in you unless you significantly improve your own attractiveness by, for example, spending months in the gym.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What do women look for in men? Is there a universal attribute that all women fall for? According to Mark Manson, women desire genuinely confident men. Men who embody confidence are perceived as “high-status.” Furthermore, confidence helps you connect with women more effectively and not get affected by rejection. Here’s why confidence is the key to attracting women.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":63150,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12],"tags":[815],"class_list":["post-85064","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-models","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat Do Women Look for in Men? - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What do women look for in men? 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