{"id":83970,"date":"2022-11-21T10:04:00","date_gmt":"2022-11-21T14:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=83970"},"modified":"2022-12-05T11:47:00","modified_gmt":"2022-12-05T15:47:00","slug":"dating-myths","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-myths\/","title":{"rendered":"Richard Cooper: Unraveling the 3 Dating Myths Men Believe"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What are the three big lies modern men have been led to believe? How do societal ideas about dating harm men&#8217;s potential? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In <em>The Unplugged Alpha<\/em>, Richard Cooper argues that modern society has taught men three lies that have given them unrealistic views of how dating works.&nbsp;To succeed, in their dating life and beyond, men need to move beyond these lies and transform their understanding of society and how to behave in it.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are the three dating myths men believe, according to Cooper. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-lie-1-women-are-second-class-citizens\"><strong>Lie 1: Women Are Second-Class Citizens<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The first big dating myth, according to Cooper, is that women are second-class citizens. In the modern world, most of us learn that society primarily values men and harms women. But Cooper says that in reality, <strong>our society<\/strong> <strong>highly values <em>women<\/em> and harms men<\/strong>. This isn\u2019t anything new: Cooper writes that as far back as 20,000 years ago, tribes and empires sent men to die in wars\u2014and if they conquered another tribe, they killed all the remaining men. The conquerors spared the widows so that they could bear children, and the widows consented because the conquerors were now the highest-status men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What <em>is<\/em> new is how this social order manifests in the modern day. Cooper argues that now, the world is <em>so <\/em>female-oriented that anything that doesn\u2019t center around women is automatically seen as misogynistic. For example, modern feminists insist that the fact that women make less than men is a sign that women aren\u2019t as valued as men, and anyone who claims otherwise is a misogynist. But Cooper contends that women <em>choose<\/em> lower-paying careers; men choose careers that involve riskier work and thus earn more.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>How Society Might Harm Women<\/strong><br><br>In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/invisible-women\"><em>Invisible Women<\/em><\/a>, Perez argues that our society is harmful to <em>women<\/em>, not men. However, this isn\u2019t necessarily because society <em>values<\/em> men more than women; rather, this is because society operates on a \u201cmale-as-default mindset.\u201d We assume that the \u201caverage person\u201d is a man, and so we design the world in a way that works for men\u2014and in doing so, we (often inadvertently) end up creating structures that are harmful to women.<br><br>For example, Cooper argues that women earn less than men because they choose lower-paying, less risky careers. However, Perez points out that many risky careers make it exceptionally difficult for women to join. Several dangerous positions require uniforms\u2014but these uniforms aren\u2019t designed for women\u2019s needs. As a result, these uniforms can make already-risky jobs even <em>riskier<\/em> for women: For example, female Spanish police officers are required to wear overly large jackets that make it harder to reach their handcuffs and guns\u2014and are fined when they don\u2019t wear these jackets.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-lie-2-masculinity-is-dangerous\"><strong>Lie 2: Masculinity Is Dangerous <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The second big lie, according to Cooper, is that masculinity is dangerous. Women vilify \u201ctoxic masculinity\u201d\u2014but Cooper says that what this really means is that anything masculine is harmful. He argues that the problem isn\u2019t too much masculinity but that <strong>a <em>lack<\/em> of masculinity is dangerous<\/strong>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As evidence, Cooper points to Nikolas Cruz, who killed 17 people in a school shooting in 2018. The media argued that his crime stemmed from \u201ctoxic masculinity,\u201d but Cooper argues that it came from Cruz\u2019s lack of masculine influence. Since Cruz was raised by a single mother and presumably encountered mostly female teachers, he never learned masculine skills like the ability to handle rejection. Instead, Cooper suggests that Cruz responded in a feminine way to rejection\u2014in an emotional, violent \u201coutburst.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-lie-3-humans-are-monogamous\"><strong>Lie 3: Humans Are Monogamous<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The last, but not least, of the three dating myths men believe, according to Cooper, is that humans desire long-term happiness with one person. In reality, <strong>humans are highly promiscuous<\/strong>, and this promiscuity manifests differently in the sexes due to their different biological goals. A man prioritizes <em>quantity<\/em>: He wants to have as many children as possible, so he seeks to mate with as many women as possible. In contrast, a woman prioritizes <em>quality<\/em>: She wants her children to have the best possible <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/premature-birth-chances-of-survival-at-weeks-24-26\/\">chance of survival<\/a>. So she practices <em>hypergamy<\/em>, which means that she looks for a man of higher status who can supply both good DNA and protection (financial or otherwise) for her and her kids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, Cooper explains, women recognize that few men provide both high-quality DNA and protection. This type of man is what Cooper calls<strong> a \u201chigh-value alpha,\u201d or a dominant\u2014<\/strong>a strong man who can support his woman and is the leader in the relationship. However, since dominants are rare, women lower their standards and settle for a &#8220;beta,&#8221; or a non-dominant. This non-dominant can provide her with kids and protection, but she doesn\u2019t intensely desire him the way she desires a dominant.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>You can tell whether she sees you as dominant or not by assessing her behavior<\/strong>. If she violates her norms for you, you\u2019re a dominant; if she holds you to them, you\u2019re a non-dominant. For example, she\u2019ll buy the dominant drinks but tell the non-dominant, \u201cI never pay for drinks.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Moreover, Cooper warns that even if you <em>start<\/em> the relationship as a dominant, you may end it as a non-dominant. A woman wants to ensure that she\u2019s with a high-status man; as such, she\u2019ll subconsciously and regularly test you to see whether you\u2019ll assert your power (as a dominant) or let her win (as a non-dominant). If you let her win regularly, she\u2019ll start to see you as a non-dominant\u2014and eventually, she\u2019ll lose her attraction to you because you\u2019re no longer the strong dominant she initially fell in love with.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What are the three big lies modern men have been led to believe? How do societal ideas about dating harm men&#8217;s potential? In The Unplugged Alpha, Richard Cooper argues that modern society has taught men three lies that have given them unrealistic views of how dating works.&nbsp;To succeed, in their dating life and beyond, men need to move beyond these lies and transform their understanding of society and how to behave in it.&nbsp; Here are the three dating myths men believe, according to Cooper.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":40823,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,43,24],"tags":[801],"class_list":["post-83970","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-self-improvement","category-society","tag-the-unplugged-alpha","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Richard Cooper: Unraveling the 3 Dating Myths Men Believe - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"According to Richard Cooper, modern society has led men to believe three myths that misrepresent how dating works. 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