{"id":83058,"date":"2022-11-10T07:55:00","date_gmt":"2022-11-10T11:55:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=83058"},"modified":"2022-11-16T13:01:31","modified_gmt":"2022-11-16T17:01:31","slug":"how-to-end-a-long-term-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-end-a-long-term-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"How to End a Long-Term Relationship That&#8217;s No Longer Working"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Why do people stay in relationships that are no longer working? How do you end a long-term relationship as kindly as possible? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Many people<strong> <\/strong>drag out relationships they know aren\u2019t working because they\u2019ve already invested time into the relationship.&nbsp; But in doing so, they forfeit the time they could be spending building a better relationship with someone else.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>With this in mind, here&#8217;s how to end a long-term relationship that&#8217;s not serving you anymore. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-ending-the-relationship\"><strong>Ending the Relationship<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Once you\u2019ve decided to end the relationship, how do you actually do it? Ury argues that the key is to <strong>make a plan<\/strong>, as research suggests that people are more likely to follow through on their goals if they make a plan for doing so.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First, <strong>plan what you\u2019re going to say<\/strong>: Compassionately communicate that the relationship isn\u2019t working, but don\u2019t name specific reasons, as this will likely lead your soon-to-be ex to obsess over whatever you say. Second, <strong>schedule both the breakup and its immediate aftermath. <\/strong>Select a time to have this conversation that works for both your and their schedule. Allow yourself up to 90 minutes, but then have something else to do\u2014like drinks with your best friend\u2014so that you can avoid dragging out the breakup unnecessarily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>How to End a Long-Term Relationship<\/strong> <strong>as Kindly as Possible<\/strong><br><br><a href=\"https:\/\/www.glamour.com\/story\/have-you-ever-set-a-date-for-y\">Some couples schedule and plan for a breakup together<\/a>. After realizing that they\u2019re incompatible, they\u2019ll plan to break up in a few months, enjoy the time they have left, and then break up on a pre-planned date. But this strategy has mixed outcomes. Some couples remain together, while others follow through on their breakup. And if one partner was never fully on board with the breakup, this can lead to disappointment and heartbreak.<br><br>But if you\u2019re like most people and are unilaterally ending your relationship, experts have further recommendations for doing it kindly. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.newsweek.com\/breakup-relationship-advice-how-break-nicely-1682613\">Never use clich\u00e9 lines<\/a> like \u201cIt\u2019s not you, it\u2019s me\u201d\u2014such lines will trigger your ex to obsess over why you <em>actually<\/em> broke up with them, since they know these clich\u00e9 lines are meaningless. And if you\u2019re worried that your partner will react in an emotionally unstable way that leads to a too-long conversation, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.insider.com\/best-place-to-break-up-2018-9#:~:text=%22Breaking%20up%20in%20a%20private,vulnerable%20is%20a%20good%20idea.%22\">consider scheduling your breakup in a therapist\u2019s office or around the schedule of a close friend<\/a> who can help your partner process the news.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>How to Recover From a Broken Heart<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Whether you\u2019re the dumper or the dumpee, breakups are painful. Ury argues that the key to recovering quickly is to <strong>frame the breakup positively <\/strong>by focusing on how it benefits your life. To do so, consider <strong>writing a breakup diary: <\/strong>Spend time listing both what\u2019s good about the breakup and what was negative about the relationship. You might also start <strong>participating in activities you gave up on during the relationship<\/strong> so that you can focus on how the breakup <em>adds<\/em> to your life instead of on what it took away.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Different Ways to Ease Your Heartbreak<\/strong><br><br>Other relationship experts suggest <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2018\/06\/19\/smarter-living\/turning-a-breakup-into-a-positive-experience.html\">different ways to ease your heartbreak<\/a>. First, while framing the breakup positively may help you recover, don\u2019t rush yourself through the grieving process, which is what helps you accept the reality that your partner is no longer in your life.&nbsp;Second, in addition to listing the positives of your breakup and the negatives of your relationship in your breakup diary, consider describing your emotions in your most painful moments, then re-reading those pages six months later. Acknowledge what you\u2019ve done to change your emotional state, which can be empowering. Third, when participating in activities you gave up on during the relationship, focus on physical activities\u2014exercise can help you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-process-emotions\/\">process your emotions<\/a> and thus get over the breakup faster.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why do people stay in relationships that are no longer working? How do you end a long-term relationship as kindly as possible? Many people drag out relationships they know aren\u2019t working because they\u2019ve already invested time into the relationship.&nbsp; But in doing so, they forfeit the time they could be spending building a better relationship with someone else.&nbsp; With this in mind, here&#8217;s how to end a long-term relationship that&#8217;s not serving you anymore.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":8228,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12],"tags":[784],"class_list":["post-83058","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","tag-how-to-not-die-alone","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to End a Long-Term Relationship That&#039;s No Longer Working - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Are you stuck in a dysfunctional relationship but not sure how to end it? 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