{"id":83055,"date":"2022-11-09T07:55:00","date_gmt":"2022-11-09T11:55:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=83055"},"modified":"2022-11-16T13:01:31","modified_gmt":"2022-11-16T17:01:31","slug":"dating-someone-just-like-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-someone-just-like-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Is Dating Someone Just Like You a Good Idea? \ufffc"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do people with similar personalities get along? Why is it a bad idea to date someone similar to you in every way? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dating someone just like you may seem like a good idea, but it&#8217;s not. A relationship between similar personalities has no room for growth. Instead, you should look for someone who has a complementary personality\u2014similar enough to get along yet different enough to challenge you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here&#8217;s why dating your like is a bad idea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-choose-a-complementary-partner\"><strong>Choose a Complementary Partner<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Many of us assume we\u2019ll be happy with someone who has a similar personality\u2014but research doesn\u2019t support this finding. Dating someone just like you is a recipe for a dead-end relationship. Rather, find someone who helps you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-be-your-best-self\/\">be your best self<\/a>. For example, if you\u2019re set in your ways, someone who\u2019s adventurous might pull you out of your shell and help you try new things.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Researchers add that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.livescience.com\/15511-lasting-marriage-personality-match-matter.html\">someone with a complementary personality might make a better long-term partner because they\u2019re good at the things you struggle at<\/a>. For example, an extroverted partner might enjoy talking to the kids\u2019 teachers, while an introverted partner might be better at helping with the kids\u2019 math homework.)&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>How <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/societal-pressures\/\">Societal Expectations<\/a> Harm Our Search for Love<\/strong><br><br>By focusing on our tendencies to prioritize immediate benefits and to assume that attention-grabbing qualities matter, Ury implies that our inability to look for the right qualities in a long-term partner is an innate human flaw. However, one blogger suggests that <a href=\"https:\/\/waitbutwhy.com\/2014\/02\/pick-life-partner.html\">we\u2019re unable to find the right partner due to damaging societal expectations<\/a>.&nbsp;<br><br>If we could study how to find and create <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/building-healthy-relationships\/\">healthy relationships<\/a> the way we study how to create a business\u2014such as by analyzing what worked in the past and implementing changes in the future\u2014we could improve our ability to find good partners. But since society encourages us to approach love instinctually instead of logically, we don\u2019t learn how to find good partners and thus choose bad ones.<br><br>Societal expectations can also harm your relationship if you do choose to date someone you\u2019re extremely attracted to\u2014<a href=\"https:\/\/www.mic.com\/articles\/131287\/here-s-what-it-s-really-like-to-date-someone-way-hotter-than-you\">if you perceive that person to be <em>more<\/em> attractive than you are<\/a>. This perception, which is often fueled by how others treat your relationship, may lead to insecurity on your part and thus a less happy relationship.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>How to Date Properly&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Once you meet someone promising, how do you maximize your chances of discovering whether they\u2019re the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hiring-the-right-people\/\">right person<\/a> for you? According to dating coach Logan Ury, you should do these three things: <\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Set realistic, but positive, expectations<\/strong>. You must be realistic because too many of us expect too much from our first date. We want to feel an instant connection, but such a connection is rare\u2014partly because we tend to like something (or someone) more the more we encounter it. So don\u2019t discount your date just because you don\u2019t feel an instant connection with them; remember that feelings can grow.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Design a great first date<\/strong>. When dating, your goal is to figure out how a person makes you <em>feel<\/em>\u2014so it\u2019s essential to go on dates that promote natural connections (instead of ones that encourage you to quiz each other). Try doing something creative together: You\u2019ll have fun and might learn whether your date has the qualities you\u2019re looking for. For example, if you take a pottery class and your date can\u2019t follow the instructor, do they continue trying anyway (indicating a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/growth-mindset-characteristics\/\">growth mindset<\/a>)?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Always go on the second date<\/strong>. We\u2019re primed to judge our dates harshly, partly because we\u2019ve evolved to pay more attention to negative things, so we tend to focus on their flaws rather than their strengths. By creating a rule that you\u2019ll always go on a second date, you allow yourself more time to see if a connection will develop and to find more positive qualities that might outweigh the flaws.<\/li><\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do people with similar personalities get along? Why is it a bad idea to date someone similar to you in every way? Dating someone just like you may seem like a good idea, but it&#8217;s not. A relationship between similar personalities has no room for growth. Instead, you should look for someone who has a complementary personality\u2014similar enough to get along yet different enough to challenge you. Here&#8217;s why dating your like is a bad idea.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":51418,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12],"tags":[784],"class_list":["post-83055","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-how-to-not-die-alone","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Is Dating Someone Just Like You a Good Idea? \ufffc - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Is it a good or bad idea to date someone who&#039;s just like you? Relationship coach Logan Ury says you shouldn&#039;t date yourself\u2014here&#039;s why.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-someone-just-like-you\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Is Dating Someone Just Like You a Good Idea? \ufffc\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Is it a good or bad idea to date someone who&#039;s just like you? Relationship coach Logan Ury says you shouldn&#039;t date yourself\u2014here&#039;s why.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-someone-just-like-you\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-11-09T11:55:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-11-16T17:01:31+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/loving-couple.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1166\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"610\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-someone-just-like-you\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-someone-just-like-you\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"Is Dating Someone Just Like You a Good Idea? \ufffc\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-11-09T11:55:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-11-16T17:01:31+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-someone-just-like-you\/\"},\"wordCount\":677,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-someone-just-like-you\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/loving-couple.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"How to Not Die Alone\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-someone-just-like-you\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-someone-just-like-you\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-someone-just-like-you\/\",\"name\":\"Is Dating Someone Just Like You a Good Idea? \ufffc - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-someone-just-like-you\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-someone-just-like-you\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/loving-couple.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-11-09T11:55:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-11-16T17:01:31+00:00\",\"description\":\"Is it a good or bad idea to date someone who's just like you? 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