{"id":82546,"date":"2022-11-12T08:12:00","date_gmt":"2022-11-12T12:12:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=82546"},"modified":"2022-11-16T13:00:59","modified_gmt":"2022-11-16T17:00:59","slug":"how-do-you-know-when-your-relationship-is-over","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-do-you-know-when-your-relationship-is-over\/","title":{"rendered":"How Do You Know When Your Relationship Is Over?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>It\u2019s great if you find someone you want to spend your life with\u2014but what if you aren\u2019t sure that this person is the one? How do you know when your relationship is over? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Staying in a relationship that&#8217;s no longer working for you is the direct route to unhappiness. On the other hand, ending a relationship prematurely because the initial high has worn off is also not a good idea. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this article, we&#8217;ll discuss the challenges of ending a relationship and how to make that process as painless as possible\u2014if you decide that&#8217;s the right thing to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-why-you-struggle-to-end-your-relationship\"><strong>Why You Struggle to End Your Relationship<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>How do you know when your relationship is over? When it comes to ending a relationship, people often have one of two types of unhelpful tendencies. <strong>The first tendency is to drag out relationships they know aren\u2019t working<\/strong> because they\u2019ve already invested time into the relationship.\u00a0 But in doing so, they forfeit the time they could be spending building a better relationship with someone else.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: If you\u2019ve been dragging out your relationship because you want a big commitment from your reluctant partner and don\u2019t want to start over, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.elitedaily.com\/p\/7-things-not-to-say-during-a-fight-with-your-partner-unless-you-want-to-break-up-9423616\">don\u2019t issue an ultimatum<\/a>. Experts explain that by forcing your partner\u2019s hand, you risk initially <em>getting<\/em> the answer you want\u2014then later having a partner who leaves you because they resent that you pressured them into commitment. If so, you\u2019ll lose even <em>more<\/em> time you could have spent building a better relationship with someone else.)&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>The second tendency is to leave perfectly fine relationships because<\/strong> <strong>the initial high of a new relationship wears off<\/strong>. But in doing so, people forfeit the ability to learn how to be in relationships long-term.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: If you\u2019re used to leaving relationships too soon, you may struggle to evaluate whether you\u2019re in a good relationship that can teach you how to be in one long-term, or in a mediocre one you\u2019re better off leaving. Experts suggest that if <a href=\"https:\/\/www.romper.com\/life\/signs-you-should-not-break-up\">you communicate well, respect each other, and have fun, you\u2019re in a good relationship<\/a>. In contrast, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.womenshealthmag.com\/relationships\/a24800980\/relationship-red-flags\/\">not wanting to tell them important information or not appreciating them<\/a> might indicate it\u2019s time to leave.)&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-end-the-relationship\"><strong>How to End the Relationship<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Once you\u2019ve decided to end the relationship, how do you actually do it? Ury argues that the key is to <strong>make a plan<\/strong>, as research suggests that people are more likely to follow through on their goals if they make a plan for doing so.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First, <strong>plan what you\u2019re going to say<\/strong>: Compassionately communicate that the relationship isn\u2019t working, but don\u2019t name specific reasons, as this will likely lead your soon-to-be ex to obsess over whatever you say. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Second, <strong>schedule both the breakup and its immediate aftermath. <\/strong>Select a time to have this conversation that works for both your and their schedule. Allow yourself up to 90 minutes, but then have something else to do\u2014like drinks with your best friend\u2014so that you can avoid dragging out the breakup unnecessarily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Ending the Relationship as Kindly as Possible<\/strong><br><br><a href=\"https:\/\/www.glamour.com\/story\/have-you-ever-set-a-date-for-y\">Some couples schedule and plan for a breakup together<\/a>. After realizing that they\u2019re incompatible, they\u2019ll plan to break up in a few months, enjoy the time they have left, and then break up on a pre-planned date. But this strategy has mixed outcomes. Some couples remain together, while others follow through on their breakup. And if one partner was never fully on board with the breakup, this can lead to disappointment and heartbreak.<br><br>But if you\u2019re like most people and are unilaterally ending your relationship, experts have further recommendations for doing it kindly. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.newsweek.com\/breakup-relationship-advice-how-break-nicely-1682613\">Never use clich\u00e9 lines<\/a> like \u201cIt\u2019s not you, it\u2019s me\u201d\u2014such lines will trigger your ex to obsess over why you <em>actually<\/em> broke up with them, since they know these clich\u00e9 lines are meaningless. And if you\u2019re worried that your partner will react in an emotionally unstable way that leads to a too-long conversation, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.insider.com\/best-place-to-break-up-2018-9#:~:text=%22Breaking%20up%20in%20a%20private,vulnerable%20is%20a%20good%20idea.%22\">consider scheduling your breakup in a therapist\u2019s office or around the schedule of a close friend<\/a> who can help your partner process the news.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s great if you find someone you want to spend your life with\u2014but what if you aren\u2019t sure that this person is the one? How do you know when your relationship is over? Staying in a relationship that&#8217;s no longer working for you is the direct route to unhappiness. On the other hand, ending a relationship prematurely because the initial high has worn off is also not a good idea. In this article, we&#8217;ll discuss the challenges of ending a relationship and how to make that process as painless as possible\u2014if you decide that&#8217;s the right thing to do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":57823,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12],"tags":[784],"class_list":["post-82546","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-how-to-not-die-alone","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How Do You Know When Your Relationship Is Over? - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"How do you know when your relationship is over? 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