{"id":82545,"date":"2022-11-04T07:46:00","date_gmt":"2022-11-04T11:46:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=82545"},"modified":"2022-11-16T13:02:03","modified_gmt":"2022-11-16T17:02:03","slug":"making-a-relationship-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-a-relationship-work\/","title":{"rendered":"Making a Relationship Work in the Long Term"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What do you think is the most important factor for a successful long-term relationship? How do you ensure that your partnership stays strong through the rough patches? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you believe a long-term relationship&#8217;s success hinges on whom you date rather than how, you are in for disillusionment. Even the most compatible couples go through rough patches. Successful long-term dating is all about how you navigate them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>With this in mind, here are two tips for making a relationship work in the long term. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-make-a-relationship-work\"><strong>How to Make a Relationship Work <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The key to making a relationship work in the long term is to build a relationship that can grow with both partners. She explains that most people recognize that they\u2019ve changed a lot in the past, but they don\u2019t expect to change a lot in the future. But in reality, you (and your partner) will probably change just as much in the future as you did in the past. Therefore, it\u2019s critical to ensure that your relationship evolves, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Remember that you\u2019re trying to build a <em>relationship<\/em> that will evolve as you (and your partner) inevitably change\u2014but don\u2019t try to change your <em>partner<\/em>. Experts warn that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/why-you-shouldnt-try-to-change-your-partner\/\">trying to change the person you love is a recipe for disaster<\/a>: It breeds resentment both from the person who is reluctantly being forced to change and the person upset that their partner isn\u2019t changing in the way they desire. Instead, <a href=\"https:\/\/themomiverse.com\/love-and-relationships\/marriage-seven-ways-to-accept-your-spouse\/\">work on accepting your partner<\/a> at all stages of their life by focusing on their positive qualities.)&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ury recommends two techniques for ensuring that your relationship adapts to your changing needs as the years go by. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>1. Write a Relationship Agreement<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>In this agreement, articulate your relationship values and how you\u2019ll express them. Revisit this agreement regularly at intervals that work for you\u2014whether that\u2019s yearly or biannually\u2014to review and update it as needed. By doing so, you\u2019ll deal with potential issues early instead of letting them fester and damage your relationship long-term.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, if you value time together, you might initially write that you\u2019ll spend 12 hours one-on-one each week. Once you have kids, you may realize that you regularly only spend 30 minutes together one-on-one and work on adding more couple time to your lives. By doing so, you maintain your connection instead of growing slowly distant and thus unhappy.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>2. Scheduling a Recurring, Weekly State-of-the-Union Meeting <\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>This meeting is a safe space in which you can communicate things with your partner that might be otherwise uncomfortable or brushed aside. By doing so, you maintain your bond and ensure that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/small-problems\/\">small problems<\/a> don\u2019t blow up into bigger issues because you haven\u2019t dealt with them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, you can express early on that you feel unappreciated when your partner doesn\u2019t pitch in with household duties, instead of letting that disappointment sit without communicating it and feeling unappreciated by your partner in general. It\u2019s critical that you <em>actually<\/em> schedule this ritual\u2014if it\u2019s already on your calendar and you don\u2019t have to set up a time every week, you\u2019re far more likely to have the meeting.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>How to Have a Marriage Meeting&nbsp;<\/strong><br><br>If you\u2019d like more structure in your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/weekly-meetings\/\">weekly meeting<\/a>, consider following the structure of a \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/people\/family\/how-and-why-to-hold-a-weekly-marriage-meeting\/\">marriage meeting<\/a>.\u201d This is also a weekly meeting designed to keep you and your partner bonded as you evolve, but it has a few key differences. Notably, it occurs not just at a specific time but has a specific duration: 15-20 minutes is enough to discuss every topic but short enough to keep you focused.&nbsp;<br><br>Also, in a marriage meeting, you follow a set order. Start by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-show-appreciation\/\">expressing appreciation<\/a> to each other to set a positive tone. Then, move on to logistics, such as deciding how to divide specific chores. You should then make fun plans to ensure that you\u2019re both happy\u2014with each other and your own lives. Once you\u2019re in a good mood, discuss any issues in the relationship; your positive mindsets will make the conversation easier.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What do you think is the most important factor for a successful long-term relationship? How do you ensure that your partnership stays strong through the rough patches? If you believe a long-term relationship&#8217;s success hinges on whom you date rather than how, you are in for disillusionment. Even the most compatible couples go through rough patches. Successful long-term dating is all about how you navigate them. With this in mind, here are two tips for making a relationship work in the long term.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":26956,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12],"tags":[784],"class_list":["post-82545","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","tag-how-to-not-die-alone","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Making a Relationship Work in the Long Term - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Staying happily in love in the long haul requires a lot of work. Here are two tips for making a relationship work in the long term.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-a-relationship-work\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Making a Relationship Work in the Long Term\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Staying happily in love in the long haul requires a lot of work. Here are two tips for making a relationship work in the long term.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-a-relationship-work\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-11-04T11:46:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-11-16T17:02:03+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/love-relationship-couple-romance.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1220\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"650\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-a-relationship-work\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-a-relationship-work\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"Making a Relationship Work in the Long Term\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-11-04T11:46:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-11-16T17:02:03+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-a-relationship-work\/\"},\"wordCount\":697,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-a-relationship-work\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/love-relationship-couple-romance.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"How to Not Die Alone\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Communication\",\"Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-a-relationship-work\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-a-relationship-work\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-a-relationship-work\/\",\"name\":\"Making a Relationship Work in the Long Term - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-a-relationship-work\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-a-relationship-work\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/love-relationship-couple-romance.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-11-04T11:46:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-11-16T17:02:03+00:00\",\"description\":\"Staying happily in love in the long haul requires a lot of work. 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