{"id":82544,"date":"2022-11-15T08:02:00","date_gmt":"2022-11-15T12:02:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=82544"},"modified":"2022-11-16T13:01:10","modified_gmt":"2022-11-16T17:01:10","slug":"relationship-milestones","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/relationship-milestones\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Navigate Key Relationship Milestones"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Are you the kind of person who prefers a relationship to develop organically? Or do you intentionally decide whether, when, and how to move to the next stage? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When it comes to moving to the next relationship milestone, there are two kinds of people: People who reactively &#8220;slide&#8221; into the next stage without giving it serious consideration and people who consciously &#8220;decide&#8221; to move into the next stage. In the long run, deciders tend to fare better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this article, you&#8217;ll learn how to decide well at turning points in the relationship: defining the relationship, cohabitating, and getting married.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-navigate-defining-the-relationship\"><strong>How to Navigate Defining the Relationship<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>How can you ensure that you actively choose to define relationship milestones? Ury recommends that you first <strong>discuss your expectations for the relationship when you want to be exclusive.<\/strong> Exposing your feelings can be scary, but making your wishes clear will save you potential heartbreak long-term (if your desired partner doesn\u2019t see you as long-term material). And even if your conversation doesn\u2019t turn out the way you hoped, you\u2019ll have more information to help guide you on your partner search\u2014whether that means continuing to date this person or moving on to someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Other relationship experts have more specific recommendations for discussing relationship expectations. Prior to the conversation, remind yourself that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.glamour.com\/story\/what-are-we-dating-tips\">it\u2019s OK to pursue your desires<\/a>, which can help ease your own fears. Then, select the right time to have the conversation; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.bustle.com\/p\/7-tips-for-defining-the-relationship-according-to-experts-12123726\">don\u2019t initiate it because you\u2019re frustrated<\/a> that the other party hasn\u2019t made their intentions clear. And no matter the outcome of the conversation\u2014whether you choose to date each other or see other people\u2014<a href=\"https:\/\/www.womenshealthmag.com\/relationships\/a40012060\/dtr-meaning\/\">congratulate yourself<\/a> for putting yourself out there.)&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-navigate-deciding-to-cohabitate\"><strong>How to Navigate Deciding to Cohabitate<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>How can you ensure that you actively choose to cohabitate? Ury recommends that you <strong>seriously evaluate whether you want to cohabitate. <\/strong>People who move in together pre-marriage are more likely to get divorced, which relationship researchers theorize is because cohabitation makes splitting up harder: When a breakup involves someone moving out, it\u2019s easier to ignore the nagging feeling in the back of your mind that you\u2019re with the wrong person and slide into marriage instead.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To minimize the chances that cohabitating jeopardizes your relationship, Ury recommends that you <strong>discuss your expectations about the future with your partner<\/strong> to ensure that you\u2019re in sync. Additionally, <strong>discuss any anxieties you may have about cohabitating<\/strong>, like a worry that you won\u2019t get enough alone time, so that you can work through them and set up a plan to deal with them <em>prior<\/em> to moving in.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-navigate-deciding-to-marry\"><strong>How to Navigate Deciding to Marry<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>How can you ensure that you actively choose to get married? Ury recommends that you <strong>critically examine your needs and wants prior to getting married. <\/strong>Humans are subject to a consensus bias: We assume that other people want and believe in the same things we do. But this bias is dangerous. It can lead us to marry people without discussing important topics because we assume they agree with us\u2014then later end up being unpleasantly surprised. For example, you might assume that your partner wants to stay home after you have kids, only to learn that they want you to stay home instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To avoid the marital dissatisfaction that can stem from the false-consensus effect, Ury recommends <strong>sharing both your history and your expectations with your partner. <\/strong>Once you\u2019ve determined that your partner is someone who can support you and improve your life long-term, sit down with your partner to discuss three important topics.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dedicate one night to <strong>learning about each other\u2019s history<\/strong>, like how your parents dealt with serious topics or important childhood events. Dedicate a second night to <strong>discussing how you are now<\/strong>: Talk about how you could improve the relationship and open up about your current financial situation. Finally, dedicate a third night to <strong>discussing your future expectations<\/strong>, like your long-term career goals and how you want to raise your children. Ury explains that it\u2019s OK if your expectations don\u2019t <em>exactly<\/em> align, as long as you can talk through and have a plan for dealing with them.&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you the kind of person who prefers a relationship to develop organically? Or do you intentionally decide whether, when, and how to move to the next stage? When it comes to moving to the next relationship milestone, there are two kinds of people: People who reactively &#8220;slide&#8221; into the next stage without giving it serious consideration and people who consciously &#8220;decide&#8221; to move into the next stage. In the long run, deciders tend to fare better. In this article, you&#8217;ll learn how to decide well at turning points in the relationship: defining the relationship, cohabitating, and getting married.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":889,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12],"tags":[784],"class_list":["post-82544","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-how-to-not-die-alone","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Navigate Key Relationship Milestones - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Many people slide into the next milestone of a relationship without giving it proper consideration. 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