{"id":82508,"date":"2022-11-15T08:03:00","date_gmt":"2022-11-15T12:03:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=82508"},"modified":"2022-11-16T13:01:05","modified_gmt":"2022-11-16T17:01:05","slug":"romanticizer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/romanticizer\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Romanticizers Don&#8217;t Fare Well in the Dating Game"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Who is a &#8220;romanticizer&#8221; in the context of dating? How does being too romantic about dating prevent you from finding the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hiring-the-right-people\/\">right person<\/a>? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re what Logan Ury calls a romanticizer, you approach dating with an attitude that your relationship happiness depends on whom you\u2019re dating.\u00a0In other words, you believe in the idea of a soulmate, thereby putting your happiness in the hands of fate rather than your own. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here&#8217;s why romanticizers don&#8217;t fare well in dating, according to Logan Ury. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-romanticizers-behave\"><strong>How Romanticizers Behave<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Logan Ury, approaching dating with the attitude of a romanticizer is likely to cause the following problems. Notably, romanticizers tend to envision their ideal soulmate\u2014so when dating, they may overlook great candidates who don\u2019t exactly match this ideal. Additionally, romanticizers believe that finding a good partner guarantees a blissful, problem-free relationship. So, when their relationship inevitably hits a rough patch, they assume they\u2019re with the wrong person and start to look for someone else, beginning the cycle anew.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>What to do instead: <\/strong>If you\u2019re a romanticizer, Ury recommends that you shift your attitude and <strong>develop a mindset that a happy relationship depends on how hard you work at it<\/strong>. With this mindset, you\u2019ll temper your expectations regarding what your soulmate is like and thus grow more open to dating great people who don\u2019t match your ideal. And you\u2019ll realize that all relationships have some issues, so you\u2019ll be willing to work on them when they inevitably arise.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Other Reasons to Shift Your Relationship Mindset<\/strong><br><br>Romanticizers might also struggle because they base their fulfillment on an external factor. In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-power-of-now\/\"><em>The Power of Now<\/em><\/a>, Eckhart Tolle warns that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-power-of-now\/solution-part-3#dont-require-the-other-for-happiness\">if you look for others to make you happy, you\u2019ll never find true happiness<\/a>\u2014even if you do find someone who matches your ideal soulmate, this partner is bound to make a mistake at some point. This will then lead to disappointment and fear that your partner doesn\u2019t complete you, which may cause you to lash out at your partner.<br><br>So what should you do? Like Ury, Tolle recommends <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-shift-your-mindset\/\">shifting your mindset<\/a>. But rather than focusing on working hard at your relationship, Tolle recommends that you <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-power-of-now\/solution-part-3#how-to-stay-present-in-relationships\">stay present in your relationships<\/a>. Notice when disappointment and fear lead you to attack your partner. <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-power-of-now\/solution-part-3#be-present-in-your-relationship\">Growing more aware of these patterns will improve your ability to resist them<\/a> and thus make you less likely to cause conflict that might lead you to question your relationship. Tolle also emphasizes that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-power-of-now\/solution-part-3#how-to-stay-present-in-relationships\">love exists within you<\/a>, so you don\u2019t need to date someone who matches an ideal; instead, learn to accept the relationships and partners that you encounter as they are.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Who is a &#8220;romanticizer&#8221; in the context of dating? How does being too romantic about dating prevent you from finding the right person? If you\u2019re what Logan Ury calls a romanticizer, you approach dating with an attitude that your relationship happiness depends on whom you\u2019re dating.\u00a0In other words, you believe in the idea of a soulmate, thereby putting your happiness in the hands of fate rather than your own. Here&#8217;s why romanticizers don&#8217;t fare well in dating, according to Logan Ury.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":13045,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12],"tags":[784],"class_list":["post-82508","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-how-to-not-die-alone","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Why Romanticizers Don&#039;t Fare Well in the Dating Game - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Romanticizers believe that the happiness of their relationship depends on WHOM they\u2019re dating. 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Here&#039;s why this attitude is problematic.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/romanticizer\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-11-15T12:03:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-11-16T17:01:05+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/how-to-pick-uo-women-the-game-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1707\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/romanticizer\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/romanticizer\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"Why Romanticizers Don&#8217;t Fare Well in the Dating Game\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-11-15T12:03:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-11-16T17:01:05+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/romanticizer\/\"},\"wordCount\":468,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/romanticizer\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/how-to-pick-uo-women-the-game-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"How to Not Die Alone\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/romanticizer\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/romanticizer\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/romanticizer\/\",\"name\":\"Why Romanticizers Don't Fare Well in the Dating Game - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/romanticizer\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/romanticizer\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/how-to-pick-uo-women-the-game-scaled.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-11-15T12:03:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-11-16T17:01:05+00:00\",\"description\":\"Romanticizers believe that the happiness of their relationship depends on WHOM they\u2019re dating. 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