{"id":82243,"date":"2022-10-24T15:40:00","date_gmt":"2022-10-24T19:40:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=82243"},"modified":"2022-11-01T11:11:12","modified_gmt":"2022-11-01T15:11:12","slug":"self-sabotage-definition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/self-sabotage-definition\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-Sabotage: Definition and Why We Do It"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What is the definition of self-sabotage? How can you overcome this toxic behavior?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To sabotage yourself means destroying yourself physically, emotionally, or mentally, and preventing yourself from achieving success. In The Mountain Is You<\/em>, Brianna Wiest goes into more detail about the definition of self-sabotage and why we do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read more for the detailed self-sabotage definition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

What Is Self-Sabotage?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Wiest argues that the definition of self-sabotage is the avoidance tactics<\/em> your brain develops in an attempt to protect you from your fears<\/strong>. For example, if you fear being alone, you may avoid this fear with the self-sabotaging tactic of staying in abusive relationships. If you fear failure, you may avoid this fear with the self-sabotaging tactic of never applying for the jobs you truly want. If you fear being disliked, you may avoid this fear with the self-sabotaging tactic of pretending to be someone you\u2019re not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: While Wiest argues that self-sabotage is your mind\u2019s effort to help you avoid situations you’re afraid of, Jocko Willink has a harsher view on the matter<\/a>. In Discipline Equals Freedom<\/em><\/a>,<\/em> Willink agrees that self-sabotaging behaviors<\/a> stem from fears; however, he believes that these fears aren\u2019t of situations<\/em>, as Wiest says, but rather are fears of the work it takes to succeed<\/em> in those situations. So, in Willink\u2019s view, self-sabotage is a form of laziness and a way to avoid doing scary, painful, or hard work.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You tend to develop unhealthy fears when you lack the mental or emotional skills (ME skills) necessary to handle difficult situations<\/strong>\u2014Wiest refers to ME skills as emotional intelligence<\/em> and mental strength<\/a><\/em>. For example, you may fear being alone if you lack the ME skills to independently satisfy your emotional needs. You may fear failure if you lack the ME skill of self-confidence. You may fear being disliked if you lack the ME skill of self-love and consequently desire external validation<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Other experts agree with Wiest that self-sabotage often happens when your emotions hijack your thinking and you lack the emotional intelligence skills (or ME skills) necessary to regain control. They add that the skills most helpful in avoiding emotional hijacking and self-sabotage are empathy, awareness, and compassion<\/a>. These skills are important in overcoming self-sabotage<\/a> because they allow us to accurately understand ourselves and others.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wiest explains that ME skill deficiencies usually develop because of life circumstances that prevented you from developing certain skills.<\/strong> For example, having an absent parent who denied you love and encouragement might have prevented you from developing ME skills like self-confidence and self-love. You\u2019re then likely to fear being in a similar situation in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In Awaken the Giant Within<\/em><\/a>, Tony Robbins cites another way that an emotionally unhealthy past can lead to self-sabotaging behavior<\/a>. He elaborates that negative past experiences can create what he calls neuro-associations<\/em> that influence how you perceive and behave in future situations.<\/a> For instance, if you had an absent parent, you might associate intimate relationships with negative emotions because the relationship with your parent caused you such emotional pain<\/a>. Consequently, you might engage in the self-sabotaging behavior of pushing away people who love you because you\u2019re afraid you\u2019ll end up getting hurt in the end.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wiest argues that the tactics you use to avoid your fears are self-sabotaging because they\u2019re holding you back<\/a> in life<\/strong>. You use them as a crutch to avoid difficult situations rather than developing the ME skills required to face them, which you must do to grow and achieve your life purpose<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In The Obstacle Is the Way<\/em><\/a>, Ryan Holiday agrees that facing and overcoming difficult situations is necessary for personal growth<\/a>. However, Holiday goes a step further, arguing that you should actively embrace<\/em> difficult situations as a means of developing as a person\u2014difficult situations teach us things that we may not have otherwise discovered. He notes that tragedies shake us out of our comfort zone, reveal new choices in life that may not have been possible before, uncover our strengths, and help us find meaning in life<\/a>. And failure\u2014the process of trial and error\u2014is the most effective way to learn<\/a>. Failure prompts you to look at things in a new light and develop ideas<\/a> you may not have otherwise thought of.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Overcome Self-Sabotage<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Wiest explains that there are two steps to overcoming self-sabotage: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. Identify your self-sabotaging behaviors and the ME deficiencies that they stem from. <\/strong>This will help you pinpoint the barriers preventing you from success.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    Overcome your self-sabotaging behaviors<\/strong> by improving your ME skills, identifying your life purpose<\/a> and ideal self, and taking active steps toward achieving these goals.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    What is the definition of self-sabotage? How can you overcome this toxic behavior? To sabotage yourself means destroying yourself physically, emotionally, or mentally, and preventing yourself from achieving success. In The Mountain Is You, Brianna Wiest goes into more detail about the definition of self-sabotage and why we do it. Read more for the detailed self-sabotage definition.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":59953,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,9,43],"tags":[781],"class_list":["post-82243","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-motivation","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-the-mountain-is-you","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nSelf-Sabotage: Definition and Why We Do It - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"You may have heard of self-sabotaging, but do you know what it means? 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