{"id":82235,"date":"2022-10-22T15:13:00","date_gmt":"2022-10-22T19:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=82235"},"modified":"2022-11-01T11:11:16","modified_gmt":"2022-11-01T15:11:16","slug":"root-cause-of-self-sabotage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/root-cause-of-self-sabotage\/","title":{"rendered":"The Root Causes of Self-Sabotage: Stop Doing These Things"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What is the root cause of self-sabotage? What is the first step in overcoming self-sabotage<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In The Mountain Is You<\/em>, Brianna Wiest clarifies that there is not one universal root cause of self-sabotage. Rather, it’s everything you want to change in your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Below you’ll learn how to find the root causes of self-sabotage so you can live your best life<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Identify Your Self-Sabotaging Behaviors and Their Root Causes<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Wiest explains that you can determine the root cause of self-sabotage by identifying everything in your life that you\u2019re unhappy about and want to change.<\/strong> Then, create a list of the behaviors that are preventing you from making those changes\u2014these behaviors are self-sabotage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, imagine you\u2019re unhappy at your current job and want to become a writer instead. However, you aren\u2019t making progress because you haven\u2019t started looking for a writing job\u2014your self-sabotaging behavior<\/a> is procrastination. Write this down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: While Wiest recommends uncovering self-sabotaging behaviors<\/a> by identifying the things you don\u2019t <\/em>want and the barriers preventing you from changing, Tony Robbins advocates focusing on what you do<\/em> want instead<\/a>. In Awaken The Giant Within<\/em><\/a>, <\/em>Robbins says that having a clear idea of what you want will positively frame your efforts to overcome obstacles<\/a> (such as self-sabotage), provide you with intrinsic motivation<\/a>, and consequently make you more likely to succeed.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This exercise may not uncover all of your self-sabotaging behaviors, so Wiest suggests that you also consider whether any of the following situations are recurring themes in your life. If so, the behaviors that perpetuate them are probably forms of self-sabotage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. You lack the commitment necessary to achieve goals or nurture relationships.<\/li>
  2. You engage in relationships that negatively influence you.<\/li>
  3. You rely on others or society to guide your actions and goals.<\/li>
  4. You rarely engage with people, information, or situations that feel \u201cnew.\u201d<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    Add the self-sabotaging behaviors that contribute to these themes to your list. Then, take accountability for your self-sabotage by acknowledging that you<\/em> have the power to change your situation<\/strong>\u2014even if that means leaving relationships, jobs, or security, or changing the way you think or act.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Overcome Self-Sabotage by Identifying and Owning Your Unhealthy Behaviors<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Experts agree that comparing your behavioral patterns<\/a> to common forms of self-sabotage, as Wiest recommends, is a great way to identify your self-sabotaging behaviors. They add a few related, but more specific symptoms of self-sabotage<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    1. You tend to be controlling or a micromanager.<\/li>
    2. You pick fights or start conflicts with colleagues or loved ones.<\/li>
    3. Your goals are either too high or too low.<\/li>
    4. You tend to \u201coverdo it\u201d by engaging in activities like substance abuse or overspending.<\/li>
    5. You never stand up for yourself or speak your mind<\/a>.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

      Once you identify your self-sabotaging behaviors, experts agree with Wiest that the next step is to acknowledge your agency in the issue. They add to Wiest\u2019s advice, noting a few techniques to help you take ownership of your self-sabotage<\/a>. First, write down your bad behaviors in a journal and keep track of when<\/em> you engage in them so that you can recognize your patterns. Second, make a plan of action pinpointing the specific changes you can make to stop your self-sabotaging behaviors. These activities will force you to acknowledge that your bad behaviors are patterns that you can stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Addiction and Self-Sabotage<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      While Wiest very briefly mentions addiction and substance abuse in The Mountain Is You<\/em>, she doesn\u2019t include it as a primary symptom of self-sabotage. On the other hand, psychologists and mental health experts emphasize that addiction is an extremely prevalent and serious form of self-sabotage because addicts are often blind to the downsides of their addictions. This is because addiction is a chemical reaction\u2014getting a \u201cfix\u201d of the preferred substance releases endorphins and directly stimulates or mimics neurotransmitters that trigger a dopamine release in our brains<\/a>. This makes us feel happy and allows us to escape negative thoughts, feelings, and situations. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      When determining whether or not you may be struggling with addiction, note that addiction pertains to more than just substances like drugs or alcohol. In The Willpower Instinct<\/em><\/a>, <\/em>Kelly McGonigal explains that you can become addicted to anything that gives you a dopamine rush<\/a>\u2014technology, gambling, sex, or even other people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      To recognize signs of addiction, consider whether you identify with any of the following statements<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n