{"id":81353,"date":"2022-10-09T12:27:00","date_gmt":"2022-10-09T16:27:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=81353"},"modified":"2022-10-20T15:25:14","modified_gmt":"2022-10-20T19:25:14","slug":"what-is-the-confidence-gap","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-is-the-confidence-gap\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is the Confidence Gap? (+3 Ways to Bridge It)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/confidence-gap\/\">the confidence gap<\/a>? Why do you have negative thoughts? How can you learn to overcome low confidence?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Psychotherapist Russ Harris says living in the confidence gap means feeling blocked from achieving your life goals because you lack confidence. He believes you can get beyond this gap by learning how to relate to your negative thoughts differently, instead of letting them dictate your actions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read on to learn what the confidence gap is and how to overcome it, according to Russ Harris.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-what-is-the-confidence-gap\">What Is the Confidence Gap?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>In <em>The Confidence Gap, <\/em>psychotherapist Russ Harris provides an approach to dealing effectively with the negative, limiting thoughts and fears that prevent you from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/steps-to-achieve-your-goals\/\">achieving your goals<\/a>. Rather than trying to speak to, tamp down, or ignore negative thoughts\u2014all ineffective methods\u2014Harris recommends you <em>relate <\/em>differently to your thoughts. This will allow you to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/pursue-your-goals\/\">pursue your goals<\/a> without your thoughts interfering with your efforts. So, what is the confidence gap and how do you know if you&#8217;re living in this gap?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Harris, the confidence gap is <strong>the misconception that you can only live your life in a rich and fulfilling way\u2014doing the activities, meeting the people, and gaining the skills that matter to you\u2014once you become confident<\/strong>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For instance, you might want to try stand-up comedy but believe you can\u2019t sign up for an open mic night until you feel confident about your abilities.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/you-are-a-badass\"><em>You Are a Badass<\/em><\/a><em>, <\/em>Jen Sincero contends that the reason people don\u2019t go for the things they want is that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/you-are-a-badass#the-ego\">their egos, which feel undeserving of success and happiness, prevent them from doing so<\/a>. Sincero would likely echo Harris by saying that you can\u2019t wait around for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/your-ego\/\">your ego<\/a> to develop confidence and self-love before you pursue your goals.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How Can You Overcome It?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Now that you know that you can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/build-confidence-and-destroy-fear\/\">build confidence<\/a> by relating differently to your thoughts and fears, let\u2019s look at what you can do to overcome the confidence gap by relating to your thoughts and fears differently. According to Harris, you can do this in three ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">#1: Detach From Negative Thoughts<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Detaching <\/strong>(what Harris calls \u201cdefusing\u201d)<strong> is the process of seeing the thought not as an objective truth but rather as merely a string of words with no foundation in reality.<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: It might help you see your thoughts as merely fleeting concepts if you conceive of them as the product of your power-hungry ego, as Eckhart Tolle advises in <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/a-new-earth\"><em>A New Earth<\/em><\/a>. He claims that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/a-new-earth\/1-page-summary#the-egoic-goal-gaining-elements-and-superiority\">all humans possess an ego that\u2019s afraid of being \u201cless than.\u201d<\/a> To prove itself superior to other humans, the ego creates thoughts that help define itself.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To start working on overcoming the confidence gap, you can practice detaching from your thoughts in three steps, writes Harris:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Step 1: Recognize the negative thought: <\/strong>Recognize when you\u2019re having a negative thought by familiarizing yourself with four common types:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Barriers:<\/strong> Your mind highlights the obstacles that stand between you and your goal.<\/li><li><strong>Self-judgments:<\/strong> Your mind creates critical judgments about you.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Comparisons: <\/strong>Your mind compares you unfavorably to others.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Predictions:<\/strong> Your mind predicts overwhelmingly negative outcomes.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Other Negative Thoughts About the World in General<\/strong><br><br>In explaining what the confidence gap is, Harris lists common negative thoughts you might have about <em>yourself<\/em>, but <a href=\"https:\/\/sageclinic.org\/blog\/negative-thoughts-depression\/\">there are other common negative thought patterns<\/a> you might have about how the <em>world works<\/em> in general. It\u2019s worth familiarizing yourself and recognizing these when you have them so you can detach from them, as well.&nbsp;<br><br>For instance, many people think <em>dichotomously<\/em>, believing there\u2019s either a good way of doing something, or a bad way\u2014there\u2019s no gray area in between. This might lead you to reject a friendship because the other person has objectionable political leanings, and you can\u2019t conceive of having a friend you don\u2019t agree on <em>everything <\/em>with. It\u2019s likely that the above thoughts Harris mentions and your general negative thoughts about the world feed into each other. For instance, you might apply dichotomous thinking to yourself and <em>judge<\/em> yourself harshly when you don\u2019t do something \u201cthe right way.\u201d<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Step 2: Label the thought:<\/strong> Once you\u2019ve recognized what type of negative thought you\u2019re having, label it in your mind, says Harris. This might be \u201cexpecting the worst,\u201d or \u201cafraid of failing.\u201d You might also assign a (humorous, if possible) name to common negative thoughts: Perhaps you could call your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-overcome-fear-of-failure\/\">fear of failure<\/a> \u201cthe scaredy-cat\u201d and say to yourself: \u201cThe scaredy-cat is here.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: If you\u2019re new to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/negative-labels\/\">labeling<\/a> or don\u2019t feel in tune with your common negative thoughts, it might be worth <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/thanks-for-the-feedback\/chapters-2-4#uncover-your-blind-spots\">asking people you\u2019re close to what sort of negative thoughts they often hear you vocalize<\/a>. For instance, if they frequently hear you say, \u201cI\u2019m sure to do badly on this exam,\u201d you\u2019ll know you often make negative predictions. You can then better label that thought when it arises.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Step 3: Detach from the thought:<\/strong> Now that you\u2019ve labeled the negative thought, you can detach from it. To do this, first state the thought \u201cout loud\u201d in your mind. This might be: \u201cI\u2019ll fail at this anyway, so there\u2019s no point in trying.\u201d Then, visualize those words and mentally modify their appearance: You can change the font, size, color, or visualize them as graffiti, a label on food packaging, or as titles in a film.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Visualizing words isn\u2019t just useful for bridging the confidence gap and detaching from thoughts: It\u2019s also used as a memorization device. In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/moonwalking-with-einstein\"><em>Moonwalking with Einstein<\/em><\/a><em>, <\/em>Joshua Foer recommends <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/moonwalking-with-einstein\/chapter-7#the-methodical-method\">memorizing poetry by visualizing words<\/a>, so you create a line of images. It\u2019s easiest when you choose images of things that sound like or rhyme with the word. For instance, you could swap \u201chere\u201d for an image of an ear.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">#2: Make Room for Your Fear&nbsp;<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>When trying to bridge the confidence gap by taking on a new challenge, you\u2019ll often experience the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/thoughts-feelings-and-behaviors\/\">thoughts and feelings<\/a> of <em>fear<\/em>. Harris writes you can deal with fear by making mental room for it (a step he calls \u201cexpansion\u201d).&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead of trying to push away your fear (a tempting response for everyone because no one likes the discomfort of fear), let it exist. Doing this draws power away from the fear, allowing you to pursue your goals with your fear present but not impacting you. What\u2019s more, allowing the fear to exist lets you harness its energy to <em>better <\/em>pursue your goals.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Harris writes that you\u2019ll often feel fear when you pursue important goals. In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-10x-rule\"><em>The 10X Rule<\/em><\/a><em>, <\/em>Grant Cardone takes this idea even further, saying that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-10x-rule\/chapters-16-18-21#1-fear-of-risk\">feeling fear <em>indicates<\/em> that you\u2019re taking the right steps in life<\/a>. This is because you feel fear when you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-push-yourself\/\">push yourself<\/a> out of your comfort zone, which is almost always necessary to accomplish big goals. Cardone doesn\u2019t offer thoughts on how to make mental room for fear, but he does recommend using fear to positively guide your actions. He explains that when you take actions that scare you, you gain confidence from having <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-overcome-your-fears\/\">overcome a fear<\/a>. Doing this consistently helps build long-term confidence and an exciting life\u2014the goal Harris wants you to achieve, as well.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">#3: Be Present in What You&#8217;re Doing<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>You\u2019ve now detached from your thoughts and made room for your fear so that you can complete the tasks you want to without letting those thoughts and fears dictate your actions. The next part of bridging the confidence gap is to <strong>be more <\/strong><strong><em>present<\/em><\/strong><strong> in the task you\u2019re doing (the task that moves you closer to your goals). This will allow you to become better at it<\/strong>, writes Harris.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For Harris, being present consists of <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-pay-attention\/\">paying attention<\/a><\/em> to what\u2019s happening in your mind and around you, <em>being open<\/em> to learning about what\u2019s happening, <em>being curious<\/em> about how it\u2019s happening, and <em>flexibly adapting your attention<\/em> to the situation by broadening or narrowing it, depending on what\u2019s most helpful to you in the moment.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Harris advocates being present primarily when pursuing goals. However, the Dalai Lama feels <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-art-of-happiness\/part-5\">you should be present at <em>all times<\/em><\/a> (or at least as often as possible). This is because the ability to be present is the foundation for leading a spiritually <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/living-a-fulfilled-life\/\">fulfilled life<\/a>, in which you act on spiritual teachings on a daily basis. For the Dalai Lama, <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-art-of-happiness\/part-5#develop-a-calm-mind\">being present consists of having a calm mind<\/a> that lets you see clearly and without the filters of thoughts and feelings what is happening around you. In practice, this is similar to Harris\u2019s definition of being present, except that Harris adds the step of adapting your attention based on what best serves you now. He likely has this step because he focuses on being present when pursuing a specific aim.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Let\u2019s see what being present might look like if you\u2019re about to perform a stand-up set: First, you\u2019d <em>pay attention<\/em> to the thoughts running through your head, how your body feels being on stage, and how the audience is reacting. Then, you\u2019d <em>be open<\/em> to recognizing negative thoughts, noticing that your palms are sweaty and that the back row is disengaged.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You\u2019d next <em>be curious<\/em> about why these things might be the case. You could note that your mind sends out negative thoughts when you\u2019re performing and that perhaps the reason the back rows aren\u2019t <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/advantages-of-laughing\/\">laughing<\/a> is that you\u2019re not loud enough. Finally, you\u2019d <em>adapt your attention<\/em> to focus on what\u2019s most likely to let you succeed on stage: You\u2019d detach from the negative thoughts, stop thinking about the back rows, and simply focus on the laughing front row. When you later rehearse your set, you can act on your discovery that you might not be loud enough and practice projecting.&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is the confidence gap? Why do you have negative thoughts? How can you learn to overcome low confidence? Psychotherapist Russ Harris says living in the confidence gap means feeling blocked from achieving your life goals because you lack confidence. He believes you can get beyond this gap by learning how to relate to your negative thoughts differently, instead of letting them dictate your actions. Read on to learn what the confidence gap is and how to overcome it, according to Russ Harris.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":81390,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,43],"tags":[770],"class_list":["post-81353","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-motivation","category-self-improvement","tag-the-confidence-gap","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>What Is the Confidence Gap? (+3 Ways to Bridge It) - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What is the confidence gap, according to Russ Harris? Learn how psychotherapist Harris defines low confidence, including ways to overcome it.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-is-the-confidence-gap\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What Is the Confidence Gap? (+3 Ways to Bridge It)\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What is the confidence gap, according to Russ Harris? Learn how psychotherapist Harris defines low confidence, including ways to overcome it.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-is-the-confidence-gap\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-10-09T16:27:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-10-20T19:25:14+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/standing-on-cliff-edge.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1848\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1238\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Emily Kitazawa\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Emily Kitazawa\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-is-the-confidence-gap\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-is-the-confidence-gap\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Emily Kitazawa\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/e094024454c7d3334a149c0cf039bdeb\"},\"headline\":\"What Is the Confidence Gap? 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