{"id":78497,"date":"2022-09-04T17:33:00","date_gmt":"2022-09-04T21:33:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=78497"},"modified":"2022-09-12T12:27:31","modified_gmt":"2022-09-12T16:27:31","slug":"how-to-handle-disappointments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-handle-disappointments\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Handle Disappointments: Respond Like a Stoic"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>How do you respond when things go wrong? How should you feel, and what should you do?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The Stoic philosophers taught that we should pursue <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/virtuous-life\/\">virtuous living<\/a>. They recognized, though, that we will inevitably suffer setbacks on that journey. In <em>The Daily Stoic, <\/em>Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman share the Stoics&#8217; advice for dealing with life&#8217;s setbacks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Continue reading to learn how to handle disappointments the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/stoic-way\/\">Stoic way<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-handle-disappointments\">How to Handle Disappointments<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>According to the authors, life will test our courage and our commitment to justice\u2014it gives a steady stream of opportunities to <em>respond well when things go wrong<\/em>. <strong>The Stoics argued that, even in the face of disappointment, fear, and other difficulties, we need to steadily pursue virtue<\/strong>.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Disappointment is a painful, but normal, emotional response when things go wrong. Experts suggest that the way you respond to disappointment can be transformational\u2014<a href=\"https:\/\/www.betterup.com\/blog\/disappointment\">it gives you the chance to grow stronger in your pursuit of your goals<\/a>. Some good ways to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-overcome-disappointment-in-life\/\">overcome disappointment<\/a> include journaling or talking about it, reassessing your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/clarifying-your-values\/\">core values<\/a>, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-accept-yourself\/\">accepting yourself<\/a> for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/your-genius\/\">who you are<\/a>. Consider some of these strategies as you look to apply Stoic practices.)&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The Stoics showed us how to handle disappointments, encouraging us to take them in stride. If we find ourselves suddenly out of work, for instance, we need to process our situation through our <em>reason<\/em> and keep our focus on living virtuously. Don\u2019t lash out in anger or check out of your daily responsibilities\u2014that accomplishes nothing good. Instead, consider how you can learn from your situation. With this mindset, the Stoics argue, we can even treat setbacks as an opportunity to grow in virtue.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Psychologists argue that the single most important way to take setbacks in stride is to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/fulfillment-any-age\/201311\/the-one-most-important-way-cope-when-things-go-wrong\">regulate your emotions<\/a>. The first step to do this is <em>identifying<\/em> the particular emotion you\u2019re feeling\u2014for example, anger. Once you\u2019ve done that, pay attention to your physical response: Are your cheeks flushed? Is your head pounding? If so, begin breathing deeply and steadily and tell yourself to relax. You should be able to tone down the emotional response. When you\u2019re calmer, you can begin dealing with the situation with clarity of mind as the Stoics suggest.)&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The authors claim further that the Stoics reinforced their commitment to living virtuously by simply <em>expecting<\/em> things<em> <\/em>to go wrong. If you expect that you\u2019ll lose things you enjoy, for instance, you\u2019ll be less afraid of it happening, and less affected when it does happen. Knowing that trials <em>will<\/em> come, they reasoned, prepares you to face them well when they arrive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Expecting things to go wrong can easily <a href=\"https:\/\/psychcentral.com\/blog\/imperfect\/2016\/05\/why-am-i-always-expecting-the-worst#What-causes-catastrophizing?\">devolve into an unproductive mindset known as <em>catastrophizing<\/em><\/a>. In this frame of mind, you become fixated on the worst possible outcomes of situations\u2014everything is a catastrophe. Mental health professionals note that this pattern of thinking is especially common for those who are prone to anxiety or overthinking. They suggest several strategies for overcoming catastrophic thinking, including noticing your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-break-negative-thought-patterns\/\">thought patterns<\/a>, challenging your negative assumptions, and rationally considering other possibilities. If you\u2019re prone to negative thinking, bear this in mind as you consider the Stoics\u2019 advice to <em>expect<\/em> things to go wrong.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do you respond when things go wrong? How should you feel, and what should you do? The Stoic philosophers taught that we should pursue virtuous living. They recognized, though, that we will inevitably suffer setbacks on that journey. In The Daily Stoic, Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman share the Stoics&#8217; advice for dealing with life&#8217;s setbacks. Continue reading to learn how to handle disappointments the Stoic way.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":78500,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,21,9],"tags":[739],"class_list":["post-78497","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-motivation","category-philosophy","category-psychology","tag-the-daily-stoic","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Handle Disappointments: Respond Like a Stoic - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The Stoics urged us to pursue virtue, warning that we&#039;d face setbacks along the way. 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