What is the importance of kindness? What are the benefits of showing gratitude?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Acts of kindness can boost your happiness and the happiness of those around you. Kindness expresses appreciation, love, and positivity\u2014all of which can help you build meaningful relationships<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Let\u2019s look at the top four reasons why kindness is important in our world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n The book The Happiness Hypothesis<\/em> by Jonathan Haidt talks about the importance of kindness with the idea that it encourages people to help others. Kin altruism<\/a> is the mechanism by which individuals care for and protect individuals within their kin group (those with whom they share a blood relation). It\u2019s observed in the behavior of many non-human animals and can be explained by simple Darwinian instincts: if the ultimate goal is to ensure the survival of one\u2019s genes, it makes sense to be altruistic toward other members of the kin group. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But this does not fully explain the human <\/em>phenomenon of reciprocity as we observe it. Humans, unlike other animals, work with, care for, and protect people with whom they have minimal or no blood relation. If anything, such behavior cuts against <\/em>Darwinian impulse, as these other people are our \u201ccompetitors\u201d for scarce resources and their survival could be construed as hampering our own. Clearly, something else is going on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What separates us from these other animals is the reciprocity reflex. This tells us to repay others when they do something for us. <\/strong>It\u2019s so deeply ingrained that we hardly think about it, yet we practice it all the time. When a friend treats you to lunch, you make sure you pick up the check the next time you go out; when your neighbors invite you to a party, you invite them the next time you\u2019re hosting an event.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We have an instinct to repay favors, even from strangers. From an evolutionary perspective, it works because it increases everyone\u2019s <\/em>chances of survival. The reciprocity reflex causes the other members of the group to help you if you have helped them, creating networks of mutual obligation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n This reflex is supported by two emotional sub-reflexes\u2014gratitude and vengeance. Gratitude causes us to aid those who\u2019ve aided us in the past; vengeance causes us to withhold aid from those who\u2019ve been stingy or selfish, making it less likely that free riders will exploit the community\u2019s altruism. This opens up the possibility of mutually beneficial cooperation, which makes the group as a whole stronger and strengthens social ties between members of a community.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here are the four reasons why you should practice kindness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Happiness Hypothesis<\/em><\/strong><\/a> says that a key factor that affects our happiness is the strength of our connections to other people<\/strong>. And reciprocity\u2014the phenomenon by which we treat others as we have been treated by them\u2014is one of the strongest ties that bind society together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In addition, The 5 Love Languages<\/em><\/a> <\/em>by Gary Chapman claims that kindness is especially important for people whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation\u2014supportive and complementary words make them feel the most loved<\/strong>. Actions and physical intimacy<\/a> are not as important as affirming words. Speaking this language to your partner means finding small or large ways of expressing approval and gratitude for who they are and what they do<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Affirming words are immensely useful when trying to express love. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Within the language of Words of Affirmation<\/a> are varied dialects, meaning there are different categories of affirming words. Certain types of affirming words will strike different chords depending on the dialect your partner speaks<\/strong>. All Words of Affirmation are beneficial to one who speaks this language, but learning which particular dialect they speak will make the effort more fruitful. <\/p>\n\n\n\n When we want to express love, the only place we can come from is one of kindness. Kindness means showing consideration, respect, and warmth toward others. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Phrases that are amicable or show affection, such as \u201cYou\u2019re a loving parent,\u201d \u201cYou bring so much joy to my life,\u201d or \u201cThe way you are is wonderful,\u201d go a long way in making someone feel special and respected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n By its nature, love is a positive feeling. Love is not inherently cruel or mean.<\/strong> In fact, it\u2019s the opposite. Being kind through verbal communication is a tremendous way to give love to someone with this love language. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Using kind language is a choice and must be sincere<\/a>. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n The tone of the words is as important as the words themselves. People pay more attention to tone than words, so the tone must match the sentiment<\/strong>. You can say, \u201cYou\u2019re a great guy,\u201d but if the tone is snarky or sarcastic, the words carry a different meaning. <\/p>\n\n\n\n When said disingenuously, kind words can express contempt. When said sincerely, words express love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tone also makes less positive statements and expressions of love. <\/strong>For example, It\u2019s easy during disputes to express our hurt or anger in hurtful or angry ways. To a person whose love language is Words of Affirmation with a dialect of kindness, those expressions will cut like a knife and drain their love tank<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you speak to communicate and heal, you are expressing love through your decision to approach your partner with kindness<\/strong>. That effort is love and will be experienced as such.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Likewise, when your partner approaches you with kindness, understand that their choice to do so stems from love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You always have the choice to choose kindness, which is why it\u2019s important to always<\/em> choose it. Even when your partner is speaking rudely to you, your response can still be anchored in love.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Often, arguments are caused by miscommunication or unmet expectations.<\/strong> Being able to address those calmly and positively will lead to reason and reconciliation. Real love<\/a> is accepting your partner for who they are and working to find a balance between sincerity and kindness. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n You sometimes make mistakes or behave inappropriately. You know you are not perfect, and neither is your partner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Bad or hurtful things are going to happen. There is no way around it. You can\u2019t change what has already happened. You can only seek understanding and forgiveness and move forward better equipped for what lies ahead. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you choose kindness, intimacy can be found. <\/strong>If you choose resentment, there is no room for love to be created. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Leave the past in the past. What happened yesterday doesn\u2019t need to affect how you live today. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \r\nTITLE: The 5 Love Languages<\/a> Some people argue that being nice is for chumps, while others argue that being nice will get you far. So who\u2019s right? According to Eric Barker in Barking Up the Wrong Tree<\/em><\/a>, they all are. You can be both kind and successful\u2014but you have to be smart about it.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Gratitude is a cultivated practice\u2014ingratitude<\/strong> <\/em><\/strong>is human nature. <\/strong>Expecting <\/em>natural gratitude from others will only lead to frequent disappointment or resentment on your part. Demanding<\/em> gratitude is also unfulfilling because the demand makes it into an obligation\u2014the delivery feels insincere. It\u2019s better to expect no gratitude at all and be delighted when you do receive it. Focus instead on the joy of giving without expecting anything in return, and expressing gratitude yourself. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n What is the importance of kindness and why does it pay off according to Barker? Barker explains that when you\u2019re kind to someone without expecting anything in return, people grow to like you<\/strong>\u2014and people who like you want to help you. Some people who like you will offer you small courtesies, like proofreading an important email you need to send. Others will watch over you and help if someone tries to take advantage of you. Therefore, when you meet someone, get them to like you by doing something small for them before<\/em> they do anything for you. For example, you might treat them to coffee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Besides making you and the people around you happier, your consistent and earnest expressions of gratitude will naturally cultivate a stronger sense of gratitude in others. How to Stop Worrying and Start Living<\/em><\/a> by Dale Carnegie also says that expressing kindness shows them how to meaningfully express it. Regular demonstrations of gratitude are especially important for parents to perform\u2014by doing so, you raise grateful children. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Who Will Cry When You Die?<\/em><\/a> by Robin Sharma discusses the importance of kindness as well. Sharma says that kindness is a tactic to develop your control over your life and steer it toward your purpose<\/a>. We\u2019ll first describe why Sharma feels kindness is integral to pursuing your purpose<\/a>. We\u2019ll then cover six ways in which you can spread kindness to yourself and others. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Sharma\u2019s recommendation is to simply be kind to yourself<\/a> and others as often as possible<\/strong>. When you do this, you more effectively pursue your altruistic purpose in life<\/a>. Let\u2019s say your purpose is to add value to your community. When you perform community service with a kind disposition, you add more value than if you had a sullen or even neutral disposition. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Here are six strategies Sharma recommends to spread the importance of kindness: <\/p>\n\n\n\n One way to be kinder to yourself is to find a reason to laugh every day<\/strong>, says Sharma. Laughter has stress-relieving and energizing properties that make your life more pleasant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When spending money, spread kindness spiritually by being grateful that the money came to you and passing it along with kind wishes<\/strong>, suggests Sharma. Gratitude is a form of kindness to yourself <\/em>because it makes you aware of the blessings in your life. Furthermore, by wishing that the recipient benefits from your money, you enhance your capacity for compassion\u2014a form of kindness to others<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n One way to practically<\/em> spread kindness to others is to send thank you notes<\/strong>, writes Sharma. This small act of gratitude can have a hugely positive effect on the recipient. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Sharma believes you can be kind to yourself by<\/strong> forgiving others quickly<\/strong>. When you forgive, you relieve yourself of the burden of carrying negative feelings and make room for happiness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Humility is a great way to spread kindness, claims Sharma, because it shows others you\u2019re open to and respectful of their ideas. By being humble, you signal to others that you\u2019re aware you don\u2019t know everything<\/a> (and never will) and that you\u2019ll listen to them with an open mind. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Finally, spread kindness by acquiring specialized knowledge and sharing it<\/strong>, says Sharma. When you contribute something new to a project, conversation, or relationship, you add value, and others can benefit from your insights. If, for instance, a grandparent is developing Alzheimer\u2019s disease, educate yourself about supporting someone with this disease and implement that learning to make your grandparent\u2019s life better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \nTITLE: Who Will Cry When You Die? Get Out of Your Head<\/em><\/a> by Jennie Allen suggests that the importance of kindness is that it clears shame. She offers this solution to Christians, but it can be applied to anyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your enemy is <\/strong>shame<\/em><\/strong>, which leads you to behave self-protectively by generating an illusion of self-enclosed autonomy. Some typical thoughts associated with shame include the following. Look for these in your own mind:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your weapon against shame is <\/strong>kindness<\/em><\/strong> and <\/strong>community<\/em><\/strong>, a relationship of open, heartful connection with God and other people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The enemy\u2019s basic lie in this battle is that you can \u201cdo it on your own,\u201d that you can live your own life and solve your own problems. <\/strong>This lie is generated and fueled by the shame described above. We\u2019re each burdened with a deep-seated fear that our true selves are shameful, that other people would reject us and abandon us if they really knew our thoughts, actions, and true identities<\/p>\n\n\n\n Shame produces a dysfunctional behavioral pattern:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Ironically, the current generation has actually made an idol out of this dysfunction. We worship and promote absolute independence<\/a> from others as if it\u2019s a virtue, when in fact it\u2019s the very thing God is calling us away from.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The truth that explodes the lie of shame is that God made you not to go it alone but to be seen, known, and loved.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n A key scripture highlighting this truth is 1 John 1:7: \u201cIf we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The author learned a critical lesson about God\u2019s plan for community when she and her husband went through the process of adopting their son Cooper from an orphanage in Rwanda: For children to thrive, you have to make them feel seen and loved. Moreover, this insight applies to all of us. The old saying \u201cit takes a village\u201d applies to more than raising a child. We\u2019re \u201cvillage people,\u201d built to thrive in communities that gather together and share each other\u2019s lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The way you defeat your enemy of shame and its lie that you don\u2019t need others is by <\/strong>choosing <\/em><\/strong>kindness.<\/strong> In other words, choose to help and be helped by others. In this endeavor, it\u2019s important to remember that God\u2019s Spirit lives in you<\/strong>. Trust the Spirit to be with you in reaching out to others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To illustrate this last point, the author relates a painful past experience from when she started her IF organization. A misunderstanding about her motivations brought public criticism<\/a> from prominent women whom she admired. She reached out to them by phone, forged a relationship, apologized, and asked for their wisdom. They proved open and accepting. Allen\u2019s risk in reaching out ended up bringing healing and new friends and allies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You can also find vivid descriptions of ways to achieve real community in Philippians 2 and Colossians 3. According to Paul in those books, creating real human community may look like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \nTITLE: Get Out of Your Head While being kind is important, Barking Up the Wrong Tree<\/em><\/a> argues that it only leads to success if you\u2019re smart about it\u2014and he presents three ways of doing so. <\/p>\n\n\n\n To be smart, Barker first recommends that you surround yourself with ethical people at work<\/strong>. If you\u2019re surrounded only<\/em> by people who want to take advantage of you, nobody will return your kindness\u2014and being kind without getting anything<\/em> in return leads to unhappiness. Moreover, studies show that the behaviors of the people you\u2019re closest to rub off on you. So if you\u2019re surrounded by kind people at work, you\u2019ll become kinder. If you\u2019re surrounded by unkind people, you\u2019ll become unkind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A second way to be both smart and kind is to highlight your achievements<\/strong>. Barker explains that unkind people are naturally good at self-promotion. So as a kind person, be deliberate about highlighting your achievements to make your boss aware of your good work. Try promoting yourself to your boss by sending her a weekly email highlighting your achievements over the past week. You\u2019ll thus create a record of accomplishments that you and your boss can refer to when it\u2019s time for your annual review. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Third, Barker recommends that you fight back when people try to abuse your kindness<\/strong>. Being kind might get you far, but if you\u2019re too kind and always absolve someone who exploits you, they\u2019ll continue to exploit you forever. This doesn\u2019t mean you should physically fight back. Instead, tell others about what this person did. If they learn that exploiting you will damage their reputation, they\u2019ll be less likely to exploit you (and possibly others) in the future. <\/p>\n\n\n\n However, Barker doesn\u2019t recommend fighting back every<\/em> time people are unkind. Rather, his fourth and final recommendation for being both kind and smart is to occasionally forgive people <\/strong>when they\u2019re unkind to you. Everybody messes up sometimes, so it\u2019s important to understand this reality and let people off the hook occasionally. By doing so, you give them the opportunity and the incentive<\/a> to behave better next time\u2014and as we\u2019ve seen, the kinder the people around <\/em>you are, the kinder you<\/em> will continue to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\nThe Origin of Kindness<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
1. Your Relationships Will Be Stronger<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
The Dialect of Kindness<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Tone Matters<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Focus on Healing<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
\r\nAUTHOR: Gary Chapman
\r\nTIME: 32
\r\nREADS: 31.2
\r\nIMG_URL: https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/five-love-languages-cover.jpg
\r\nBOOK_SUMMARYURL: the-5-love-languages-summary-gary-chapman
\r\nAMZN_ID: B00OICLVBI
\r\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n2. People Will Want to Help You<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Be Kind Shows Gratitude<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Children Can Learn to be Grateful From You<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
3. Kindness Will Help You Pursue Your Purpose<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Be Kind to Yourself and Others Every Chance You Get<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Strategy #1: Laugh Intentionally Every Day<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Strategy #2: Send Kindness When You Spend Money<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Strategy #3: Send Thank You Notes <\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Strategy #4: Forgive Others to Be Kind to Yourself<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Strategy #5: Be Kind by Being Humble<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Strategy #6: Add Value by Educating Yourself<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
\nAUTHOR: Robin Sharma
\nTIME: 34
\nREADS: 79
\nIMG_URL: https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/who-will-cry-when-you-die-cover.png
\nBOOK_SUMMARYURL: who-will-cry-when-you-die-summary-robin-sharma
\nAMZN_ID: XYZ
\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n4. Kindness Clears Your Shame<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
The Lie: You Don\u2019t Need Anyone<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
The Truth: God Made You to Be Kind<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
The Strategy: Choose to Know and Be Known<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\nAUTHOR: Jennie Allen
\nTIME: 37
\nREADS: 69.8
\nIMG_URL: https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/get-out-of-your-head-cover.png
\nBOOK_SUMMARYURL: get-out-of-your-head-summary-jennie-allen
\nAMZN_ID: XYZ
\n<\/p>\n\n\n\nBe Kind, But Be Smart About It<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Conclusion<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n