{"id":75968,"date":"2022-08-17T12:15:00","date_gmt":"2022-08-17T16:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=75968"},"modified":"2022-08-22T14:32:36","modified_gmt":"2022-08-22T18:32:36","slug":"how-to-stop-being-pessimistic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-pessimistic\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Stop Being Pessimistic: Try Flexible Optimism"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Want to know how to stop being pessimistic? How do pessimists and optimists think differently? How can you change your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-break-negative-thought-patterns\/\">thought patterns<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To learn how to stop being pessimistic, Martin Seligman suggests embracing flexible optimism. Becoming a flexible optimist means you can learn to be an optimist while balancing it with your natural pessimism, according to Seligman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read on to learn Seligman&#8217;s practical advice for how to stop being pessimistic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How to Stop Being Pessimistic: <em>Unlearn<\/em> Helplessness<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Many people suffer from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/seligman-learned-helplessness\/\">learned helplessness<\/a>: the belief that they don\u2019t have the power to make positive changes in their own lives or in the world around them. Martin Seligman&#8217;s book, <em>Learned Optimism,<\/em> teaches you how to stop being pessimistic, breaking free of a powerless mindset and replacing it with an empowered mindset of optimism and confidence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How Do Pessimists Think?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Seligman says that pessimists tend to generalize and personalize negative events.<\/strong> In other words, they think that bad things \u201calways\u201d happen, and that it\u2019s because there\u2019s something wrong with <em>them. <\/em>Conversely, when something good happens, they assume that it\u2019s just a stroke of luck: temporary and due to external factors.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Pessimists tend to have what psychologist Carol Dweck describes in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/mindset\"><em>Mindset <\/em><\/a>as a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/mindset\/chapter-1#strong-fixed-mindset-strong\">fixed mindset<\/a>: They believe that people\u2019s attitudes and abilities are set at birth and can\u2019t be changed. As a result, they don\u2019t think there\u2019s any way to improve their lives\u2014nature, or fate, or some other higher power has put them into a certain situation, and there\u2019s nothing they can do about it.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-dispute-your-pessimistic-beliefs\">How to Dispute Your Pessimistic Beliefs<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Seligman<strong> <\/strong>offers a technique, drawn from cognitive therapy, to teach you how to stop being pessimistic by changing the way you explain negative events to yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Give pessimistic beliefs an external voice. <\/strong>Find a friend who\u2019s willing to roleplay your negative beliefs. Have that person attack you the same way you attack yourself, and learn to defend yourself from that sort of aggression. You may find it easier to fight back against an external voice, and having to defend yourself out loud might help you to hear how fair and reasonable those defenses really sound.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Another way to stop being pessimistic involves coming to terms with that negative <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/listening-to-your-inner-voice\/\">voice in your head<\/a> by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.omaritani.com\/blog\/how-to-silence-your-inner-critic\">giving it a silly name and a silly voice<\/a>. In short, turn your inner critic into a character you can\u2019t take seriously, and it will lose its power over you\u2014for example, it\u2019s hard to feel worried or upset when your inner critic <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=zloWEvRDhgI\">sounds like Skeletor<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Find Your Balance With Flexible Optimism<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Seligman says that a pessimistic mindset does have one advantage over an optimistic one: Pessimists tend to assess their situations more realistically.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>To stop being pessimistic, Seligman concludes by explaining how you should balance optimism with realism, a mindset he calls <em>flexible optimism.<\/em> <\/strong>The good news is that, because we\u2019ve learned optimism as a skill set\u2014instead of having it as a natural state of mind\u2014we can choose when to apply those skills. For example, if someone is upset with us, we can start by asking ourselves if we\u2019re really to blame (rather than the pessimistic approach of assuming that we are at fault, or the optimistic approach of assuming that we aren\u2019t). With that realistic approach we\u2019ll be able to take appropriate action to fix the situation; even if we decide that all we can do is apologize.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Seligman is saying that realism is a balanced, healthy form of pessimism, but <a href=\"https:\/\/www.bolde.com\/fine-line-between-realism-pessimism\/\">they\u2019re not quite the same thing<\/a>. The best way to tell the difference between pessimism and realism is to <strong>consider whether you\u2019re emotionally invested in your explanation. <\/strong>In other words, are you seeing things calmly and rationally (realism), or are you casting yourself in a story as the villain or the victim (pessimism)?)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Want to know how to stop being pessimistic? How do pessimists and optimists think differently? How can you change your thought patterns? To learn how to stop being pessimistic, Martin Seligman suggests embracing flexible optimism. Becoming a flexible optimist means you can learn to be an optimist while balancing it with your natural pessimism, according to Seligman. Read on to learn Seligman&#8217;s practical advice for how to stop being pessimistic.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":76004,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43],"tags":[719],"class_list":["post-75968","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-learned-optimism","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Stop Being Pessimistic: Try Flexible Optimism - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Want to learn how to stop being pessimistic? You don&#039;t have to be an absolute optimist. Learn Martin Seligman&#039;s flexible optimism technique.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-pessimistic\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Stop Being Pessimistic: Try Flexible Optimism\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Want to learn how to stop being pessimistic? You don&#039;t have to be an absolute optimist. Learn Martin Seligman&#039;s flexible optimism technique.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-pessimistic\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-08-17T16:15:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-08-22T18:32:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/pessimism-negative-frustrated-sad-e1692645958565.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1850\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"897\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Emily Kitazawa\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Emily Kitazawa\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-pessimistic\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-pessimistic\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Emily Kitazawa\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/e094024454c7d3334a149c0cf039bdeb\"},\"headline\":\"How to Stop Being Pessimistic: Try Flexible Optimism\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-08-17T16:15:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-08-22T18:32:36+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-pessimistic\/\"},\"wordCount\":669,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-pessimistic\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/pessimism-negative-frustrated-sad-e1692645958565.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Learned Optimism\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Self-Improvement\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-pessimistic\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-pessimistic\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-pessimistic\/\",\"name\":\"How to Stop Being Pessimistic: Try Flexible Optimism - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-pessimistic\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-pessimistic\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/pessimism-negative-frustrated-sad-e1692645958565.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-08-17T16:15:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-08-22T18:32:36+00:00\",\"description\":\"Want to learn how to stop being pessimistic? 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