{"id":75058,"date":"2022-08-03T14:16:00","date_gmt":"2022-08-03T18:16:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=75058"},"modified":"2022-08-12T14:19:33","modified_gmt":"2022-08-12T18:19:33","slug":"good-parenting-skills","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/good-parenting-skills\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Good Parenting Skills Every Parent Should Know"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Which good parenting skills do the greatest parents use? Of all the good parenting skills, which are most important to know? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Alfie Kohn’s book, Unconditional Parenting<\/em>, he advocates for “gentle” or unconditional parenting which doesn’t rely on a system of rewards and punishments. Rather, Kohn advises that good parenting skills consist of unconditional support, acceptance, and trying to understand your children’s perspectives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn the three good parenting skills every parent should know, according to Kohn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Unconditional Parenting: 3 Good Parenting Skills to Learn<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Most parents want to raise their kids to be self-confident, independent, and compassionate. But, what good parenting skills should you know to raise the happiest children? In Unconditional Parenting<\/em><\/a>,<\/em> author and lecturer Alfie Kohn<\/a> argues that we should throw away the standard parenting rulebook <\/strong>and replace it with a new approach built on unconditional support, acceptance, and understanding<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this article, we\u2019ll list the three good parenting skills<\/strong> that you can refer to if you\u2019d like to try out unconditional parenting. Kohn deliberately doesn\u2019t<\/em> offer scripts or specific advice, saying that paying attention<\/a>, reflecting, and following the principles is enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Skill #1: Reflect Regularly<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The first good parenting skill Kohn suggests is learning how to self-reflect<\/a>. This means making sure that you don\u2019t parent according to your mood or unknowingly reproduce patterns from your own childhood. While Kohn says good parenting requires learning the skill of reflection, he cautions that this isn\u2019t the same as rationalizing the decisions we\u2019ve made (which is often tempting).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The goal isn\u2019t to be overly self-critical, as that doesn\u2019t help either; it\u2019s to introduce a healthy level of humility and an openness to change. <\/strong>Kohn recommends that you stop and ask yourself: <\/strong>\u201cIf someone said or did that to me, would <\/strong>I <\/em><\/strong>feel loved unconditionally?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Skills for Good Parenting: The Mindful Discipline Technique
<\/strong>
In No-Drama Discipline<\/em><\/a>, Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson recommend the following three-step sequence<\/a> to make sure you\u2019re responding to your child\u2019s behavior mindfully: 

1.<\/strong> Why did my child do that? <\/strong>Were they trying to express an emotion or accomplish a goal?

2.<\/strong> What lesson do I want them to learn right now? <\/strong>What\u2019s the most important thing they need to know at this moment?

3.<\/strong> How should I deliver that lesson? <\/strong>In delivering the lesson, be sure to take the age of the child into consideration. For smaller children, deliver your lesson in the simplest terms possible. For older children, it\u2019s valuable to explore situational nuances.<\/strong>

The questions remain the same no matter the situation or the child\u2019s age, but the answers are dynamic and should change every time you use the technique.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Skill #2: Avoid Intervening Where Possible<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

According to Kohn, most parents are too quick to meddle in their child\u2019s activities, which he says is not a good parenting skill. To help your child build autonomy, let them sort things out for themselves as much as possible\u2014even if it means sitting on your hands or biting your tongue. (Of course, this doesn\u2019t apply if the child is in immediate danger.) Whenever you\u2019re about to ask a child to do something, pause and consider whether it\u2019s really important. If it\u2019s not, keep quiet.Kohn suggests that instead of constantly telling children what to do, you should foster autonomy by offering choices and asking questions<\/strong>. Wherever possible, let children decide, even if this occasionally makes you feel uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Skill #3: See Things From the Child\u2019s Perspective<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

According to Kohn, a good basis for all unconditional parenting skills is empathy.<\/strong> Young children get carted from place to place, they\u2019re physically smaller and weaker than adults, and in general they have very little control over their lives. They\u2019re also dealing with impulses and emotions they don\u2019t understand<\/a>, rapidly changing bodies and brains, and new and confusing social situations. Your child\u2019s needs and emotions might not make much sense to you (for example, you might not be too worried about monsters under the bed), but you should take them seriously because your child takes them seriously. In particular, don\u2019t dismiss behavior as \u201cattention-seeking\u201d<\/strong>\u2014wanting attention is a perfectly legitimate human need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kohn adds that when you\u2019re trying to figure out your child\u2019s motivations for doing something you don\u2019t like, he recommends going with the most generous interpretation possible of what you\u2019ve observed<\/strong>, for two reasons: First, you don\u2019t want to jump to conclusions<\/a> that might not be correct, and second, kids internalize the motivations we attribute to them (for example, if you say, \u201cDon\u2019t be selfish, share your toys,\u201d the child might interpret this to mean that she\u2019s a selfish person). Showing empathy to your kids also models the empathetic behavior you want them to grow into later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Skills for Good Parenting: The \u201cGive in Fantasy What You Can\u2019t Give in Reality\u201d Technique
<\/strong>
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, authors of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen<\/em><\/a>, suggest that parents forestall tantrums by giving in fantasy what they can\u2019t give in reality<\/a>. For example, if you\u2019re at the supermarket with a child and she decides she wants a big bag of candy, instead of saying \u201cno,\u201d try playfully describing a fantasy world in which she gets her wish. You could say: \u201cI wish <\/em>we could take home the candy! I wish we could take home a thousand<\/em> bags of candy, make a big candy mountain, and just sit on top of the mountain all day eating it.\u201d The way this technique lets you acknowledge children\u2019s desires and empathize in a playful way without giving in to them makes it surprisingly effective.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Which good parenting skills do the greatest parents use? Of all the good parenting skills, which are most important to know? In Alfie Kohn’s book, Unconditional Parenting, he advocates for “gentle” or unconditional parenting which doesn’t rely on a system of rewards and punishments. Rather, Kohn advises that good parenting skills consist of unconditional support, acceptance, and trying to understand your children’s perspectives. Keep reading to learn the three good parenting skills every parent should know, according to Kohn.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":75114,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,13],"tags":[711],"class_list":["post-75058","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-education","category-parenting","tag-unconditional-parenting","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\n3 Good Parenting Skills Every Parent Should Know - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"While parenting requires learning many skills, which are the most important of all? 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