{"id":73771,"date":"2022-07-21T13:23:00","date_gmt":"2022-07-21T17:23:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=73771"},"modified":"2022-07-29T15:35:19","modified_gmt":"2022-07-29T19:35:19","slug":"how-to-overcome-disappointment-in-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-overcome-disappointment-in-life\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Overcome Disappointment in Life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Are you struggling to recover from a setback? What can you do to help you move forward again?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To regain a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/an-internal-locus-of-control\/\">sense of control<\/a> over your life, Eric Barker recommends that you tell yourself two &#8220;stories.&#8221; First, write your own eulogy. Second, look at your life as though it&#8217;s a game. He argues that these techniques give you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/a-sense-of-purpose\/\">a sense of purpose<\/a> that can motivate you to tackle difficulties.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read more to learn Barker&#8217;s advice on how to overcome disappointment in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-overcome-disappointment\">How to Overcome Disappointment<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>How can you ensure that you persevere through setbacks? Barker argues that <strong>telling yourself a good story<\/strong> is how to overcome disappointment in life. By nature, your brain tells stories about the random events in your life\u2014doing so gives you a sense of control. These stories are often objectively untrue, as they lead you to ignore information that doesn\u2019t fit into the narrative you\u2019ve created.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, Barker contends that, when it comes to grit, ignoring facts is a good thing: A good story provides you with a sense of meaning that motivates you to surmount obstacles. If you didn\u2019t have this story and focused instead on the facts, you probably would realize you were unlikely to surmount these obstacles\u2014so you wouldn\u2019t even try.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>When Telling Stories Is Harmful<\/strong><br><br>Barker focuses on how inaccurate stories about the obstacles you\u2019re facing can help you\u2014but inaccurate stories can harm you, too. In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/crucial-conversations\/\"><em>Crucial Conversations<\/em><\/a>, the authors agree that stories are how we explain the world. However, they add that as we develop these stories, our body responds with strong emotions\u2014so once these stories are told, they control us and dictate how we feel and act. Since the same set of facts can be used to spin infinite stories, <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/crucial-conversations\/chapter-6#your-stories\">telling a bad story could demotivate you and cause harm<\/a>\u2014like if you convince yourself you\u2019ll never survive an easily survivable obstacle.<br><br>Telling the wrong story doesn\u2019t just cause emotional harm: In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-psychology-of-money\/\"><em>The Psychology of Money<\/em><\/a>, financial writer Morgan Housel explains that it can also cause us to <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-psychology-of-money\/part-6#how-stories-influence-your-decisions\">make poor financial decisions<\/a>. Like Barker, Housel posits that we tell stories about the random events in our lives to help us feel more in control\u2014but since finance is subject to the whims of human emotions, we don\u2019t have as much control over our money as we tell ourselves. When we overestimate how much control we have, we\u2019re more likely to ignore factors such as chance or others\u2019 decisions and may make poor financial decisions as a result.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Specifically, Barker recommends that you tell yourself two stories. First, <strong>write your own eulogy<\/strong>: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-craft-a-story\/\">Creating a story<\/a> about how you want people to remember you when you\u2019re dead will motivate you to strive towards that legacy when you\u2019re alive.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Writing your own eulogy may help you in your professional life\u2014but to be <em>romantically<\/em> successful, one psychologist suggests <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/in-the-name-love\/202108\/living-in-the-shadow-your-resume-or-eulogy#:~:text=people%20will%20walk%20in%20and%20out%20of%20your,having%20a%20ready-made%20eulogy%20seems\">imagining your future partner\u2019s eulogy<\/a> instead. He explains that people seeking a partner focus on that person\u2019s achievements\u2014like their wealth. However, you\u2019re more likely to find a happy relationship with someone who has traits that one might praise in their eulogy\u2014like kindness.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Second, Barker recommends <strong>turning your journey into a game<\/strong>\u2014which is a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/different-types-of-stories\/\">type of story<\/a> because it involves reframing reality. Gamifying your journey makes it more enjoyable and thus motivates you to push through setbacks and stick to your plan even when you get bored.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you struggling to recover from a setback? What can you do to help you move forward again? To regain a sense of control over your life, Eric Barker recommends that you tell yourself two &#8220;stories.&#8221; First, write your own eulogy. Second, look at your life as though it&#8217;s a game. He argues that these techniques give you a sense of purpose that can motivate you to tackle difficulties. Read more to learn Barker&#8217;s advice on how to overcome disappointment in life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":73774,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,43],"tags":[698],"class_list":["post-73771","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-motivation","category-self-improvement","tag-barking-up-the-wrong-tree","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Overcome Disappointment in Life - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"To regain a sense of control, Eric Barker suggests you tell yourself two &quot;stories.&quot; Learn his tips on how to overcome disappointment in life.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-overcome-disappointment-in-life\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Overcome Disappointment in Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"To regain a sense of control, Eric Barker suggests you tell yourself two &quot;stories.&quot; Learn his tips on how to overcome disappointment in life.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-overcome-disappointment-in-life\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-07-21T17:23:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-07-29T19:35:19+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/mountaineer-climbing-mountain.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"630\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Elizabeth Whitworth\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Elizabeth Whitworth\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-overcome-disappointment-in-life\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-overcome-disappointment-in-life\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Elizabeth Whitworth\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/d2928cf6c11a69ced1491d6a5b74fb13\"},\"headline\":\"How to Overcome Disappointment in Life\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-07-21T17:23:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-07-29T19:35:19+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-overcome-disappointment-in-life\/\"},\"wordCount\":596,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-overcome-disappointment-in-life\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/mountaineer-climbing-mountain.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Barking Up the Wrong Tree\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Motivation\",\"Self-Improvement\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-overcome-disappointment-in-life\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-overcome-disappointment-in-life\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-overcome-disappointment-in-life\/\",\"name\":\"How to Overcome Disappointment in Life - 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