{"id":73546,"date":"2022-07-18T17:40:00","date_gmt":"2022-07-18T21:40:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=73546"},"modified":"2022-07-29T15:35:27","modified_gmt":"2022-07-29T19:35:27","slug":"kindness-in-the-workplace","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/kindness-in-the-workplace\/","title":{"rendered":"Kindness in the Workplace: How to Use It Wisely"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Does kindness have a place in the office? How can you be kind without being taken advantage of?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Conventional advice regarding success contradicts itself in its recommendations surrounding kindness. Some people argue that being nice is for chumps, while others argue that being nice will get you far. So who\u2019s right? According to peak performance expert Eric Barker, they all are. You can be both kind and successful\u2014but you have to be smart about it.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here&#8217;s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-practice\/\">how to practice<\/a> kindness in the workplace while keeping people from walking all over you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-being-kind-in-the-workplace\">Being Kind in the Workplace<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>How does kindness in the workplace pay off? Barker explains that, <strong>when you\u2019re kind to someone without expecting anything in return, people grow to like you<\/strong>\u2014and people who like you want to help you. Some people who like you will offer you small courtesies, like proofreading an important email you need to send. Others will watch over you and help if someone tries to take advantage of you. Therefore, when you meet someone, get them to like you by doing something small for them <em>before<\/em> they do anything for you. For example, you might treat them to coffee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Barker\u2019s advice is contradictory. He argues that being kind means you <em>don\u2019t <\/em>expect others to do things for you. However, doing someone a favor <em>in order to<\/em> get them to like you does involve an expectation: You expect that they\u2019ll \u201clike you\u201d because you did something for them. As one blogger points out, <a href=\"https:\/\/tinybuddha.com\/blog\/20-ways-to-give-without-expectations\/\">expectations like this can be harmful<\/a>: For example, you might feel cheated if the person you were nice to later doesn\u2019t like you. To avoid this, practice doing favors for others without expecting anything back <em>before<\/em> you do a favor for someone at work. For example, give a stranger a friendly smile.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-being-smart-about-it\">Being Smart About It<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>While being kind is important, Barker argues that it only leads to success if you\u2019re smart about it\u2014and he presents three ways of doing so.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To be smart, Barker first recommends that you <strong>surround yourself with ethical people at work<\/strong>. If you\u2019re surrounded <em>only<\/em> by people who want to take advantage of you, nobody will return your kindness\u2014and being kind without getting <em>anything<\/em> in return leads to unhappiness. Moreover, studies show that the behaviors of the people you\u2019re closest to rub off on you. So if you\u2019re surrounded by kind people at work, you\u2019ll become kinder. If you\u2019re surrounded by unkind people, you\u2019ll become unkind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Barker focuses on the importance of having ethical coworkers\u2014but in <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-success-principles\/\"><em>The Success Principles<\/em><\/a>, motivational speaker Jack Canfield urges you to surround yourself with good people in general: He contends that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-success-principles\/part-4#who-you-spend-time-with-matters\">spending time with positive, supportive, successful people will increase your chances of success<\/a>. Specifically, he recommends minimizing the time you spend with negative people in your life and finding more <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/positive-personality\/\">positive people<\/a> to spend time with by volunteering or joining professional societies in your field.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A second way to be both smart and kind is to <strong>highlight your achievements<\/strong>. Barker explains that unkind people are naturally good at self-promotion. So as a kind person, be deliberate about highlighting your achievements to make your boss aware of your good work. Try promoting yourself to your boss by sending her a weekly email highlighting your achievements over the past week. You\u2019ll thus create a record of accomplishments that you and your boss can refer to when it\u2019s time for your annual review.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: While Barker highlights the importance of promoting yourself to your boss, one marketing expert recommends that you <a href=\"https:\/\/hbr.org\/2014\/12\/how-to-promote-yourself-without-looking-like-a-jerk\">promote yourself to your colleagues, too<\/a>, so you can demonstrate to them the specific ways in which your expertise can help them. Worried about seeming like a show-off? Focusing on objective truths, like by saying, \u201cI got an award for X\u201d instead of \u201cI\u2019m great at X,\u201d will make you seem less egotistical and invite less pushback.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Third, Barker recommends that you <strong>fight back when people try to abuse your kindness<\/strong>. Being kind might get you far, but if you\u2019re too kind and always absolve someone who exploits you, they\u2019ll continue to exploit you forever. This doesn\u2019t mean you should physically fight back.&nbsp; Instead, tell others about what this person did. If they learn that exploiting you will damage their reputation, they\u2019ll be less likely to exploit you (and possibly others) in the future.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Barker doesn\u2019t consider that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.usatoday.com\/story\/money\/columnist\/2021\/11\/02\/what-can-done-when-someone-target-workplace-gossip\/6183415001\/\">gossiping about your coworkers may damage <em>your<\/em> reputation<\/a>\u2014even if your complaints are justified. So what\u2019s a good way to<em> <\/em>stop people from exploiting you without risking your own career? Try <a href=\"https:\/\/www.businessinsider.com\/dealing-with-colleague-who-takes-advantage-2017-5\">setting clear boundaries<\/a>: Tell them what you are and aren\u2019t willing to do, and use the word \u201cno\u201d liberally.)&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, Barker doesn\u2019t recommend fighting back <em>every<\/em> time people are unkind. Rather, his fourth and final recommendation for being both kind and smart is to <strong>occasionally forgive people <\/strong>when they\u2019re unkind to you. Everybody messes up sometimes, so it\u2019s important to understand this reality and let people off the hook occasionally. By doing so, you give them the opportunity and the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-is-incentive-meaning-and-definition-economics\/\">incentive<\/a> to behave better next time\u2014and as we\u2019ve seen, the kinder the people <em>around <\/em>you are, the kinder <em>you<\/em> will continue to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: While forgiving coworkers who\u2019ve wronged you may encourage them to be kinder in the future, forgiveness benefits you in a more immediate way, too: Research suggests <a href=\"https:\/\/greatergood.berkeley.edu\/article\/item\/the_power_of_forgiveness_at_work\">forgiveness is correlated both with greater productivity and health<\/a>, perhaps because forgiving your coworkers reduces your stress levels. But <em>how<\/em> do you forgive people? Experts recommend <a href=\"http:\/\/www.evworthington-forgiveness.com\/reach-forgiveness-of-others\/\">the REACH model<\/a>: <strong>R<\/strong>ecall the wrong, <strong>E<\/strong>mpathize with the person who wronged you, <strong>A<\/strong>ltruistically forgive them, <strong>C<\/strong>ommit to the forgiveness by writing a note, and <strong>H<\/strong>old on to that note to remind yourself that you\u2019ve forgiven them.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Does kindness have a place in the office? How can you be kind without being taken advantage of? Conventional advice regarding success contradicts itself in its recommendations surrounding kindness. Some people argue that being nice is for chumps, while others argue that being nice will get you far. So who\u2019s right? According to peak performance expert Eric Barker, they all are. You can be both kind and successful\u2014but you have to be smart about it.&nbsp; Here&#8217;s how to practice kindness in the workplace while keeping people from walking all over you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":73547,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,20,30],"tags":[698],"class_list":["post-73546","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-career","category-ethics","category-work","tag-barking-up-the-wrong-tree","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Kindness in the Workplace: How to Use It Wisely - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Kindness in the workplace pays off. 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