{"id":72225,"date":"2022-07-05T12:55:00","date_gmt":"2022-07-05T16:55:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=72225"},"modified":"2022-07-18T12:01:27","modified_gmt":"2022-07-18T16:01:27","slug":"how-to-have-a-happy-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-have-a-happy-life\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Have a Happy Life Through Gain-Thinking"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What&#8217;s Gain-thinking? How can it improve the quality of your life? What harm can come from Gap-thinking?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When you compare <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/your-genius\/\">who you are<\/a> now to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be-2\/\">who you want to be<\/a>, you\u2019re resigning yourself to a life of unhappiness. Your ideal self is constantly changing, making your goals impossible to reach. Instead, you must compare who you are now to who you used to be so that you can see how far you\u2019ve come. This simple shift in thinking makes all the difference in living a happier life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read more to learn how to have a happy life through Gain-thinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-living-a-happy-life\">Living<strong> a Happy Life<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Hardy and Sullivan state that both Gap- and Gain-thinking have <em>cumulative effects, <\/em>meaning these effects accumulate and amplify themselves over time. Let&#8217;s explore how these effects manifest in your daily life and, ultimately, how to have a happy life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Because your mind is focused on your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-grow-as-a-person\/\">personal growth<\/a>, Gain-thinking is an inherently optimistic outlook. The authors reference research that suggests that optimism can prolong and improve the quality of your life, so they conclude that<strong> Gain-thinking has therapeutic benefits for your body and mind.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Is Optimism Always Better?<\/strong><br><br>While there is much research <a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/4029106\/\">supporting the link between optimism and increased well-being<\/a>, <strong>optimism can actually be counterproductive in some situations.<\/strong> For example, if someone lacks the skills necessary to perform a certain task, it isn\u2019t helpful to be optimistic and say to them, \u201cyou can do it!\u201d Doing so will only cause them to waste time on something at which they can\u2019t succeed. In addition, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/news\/wonk\/wp\/2015\/05\/06\/the-sad-truth-about-optimism-its-overrated\/\">extreme optimism is associated with financial impulsivity and other types of poor decision-making<\/a>.&nbsp;<br><br>On the flip side, extreme pessimism is also counterproductive. <em>Fatalistic pessimism<\/em> assumes that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/between-cultures\/202104\/7-myths-about-optimism-and-pessimism#:~:text=pessimism%20and%20fatalistic%20pessimism,or%20getting%20things%20done.%20Fatalistic\">negative events are bound to happen regardless of what you do<\/a>; in other words, you have no control over these situations. Having this <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/internal-and-external-locus-of-control\/\">external locus of control<\/a><\/em>\u2014just like when thinking about your success\u2014can lead to feelings of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/low-mood-and-anxiety\/\">anxiety and depression<\/a>.<br><br>Psychologists suggest that it\u2019s best to find a middle ground between these two extremes by being as <em>realistic<\/em> as possible. <strong>Prepare yourself for unexpected, negative outcomes, but don\u2019t assume they\u2019re inevitable.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"h-according-to-the-authors-while-gain-thinking-can-prolong-and-enhance-the-quality-of-your-life-gap-thinking-does-the-opposite-by-creating-persistent-long-term-stress-it-s-normal-to-experience-stress-in-your-day-to-day-life-and-a-moderate-amount-can-actually-benefit-you-by-strengthening-your-body-s-reaction-to-it-however-staying-in-the-gap-mindset-consistently-can-create-toxic-stress-a-chronic-form-of-stress-that-corrodes-your-mind-and-body-over-time\">According to the authors, while Gain-thinking can prolong and enhance the quality of your life, Gap-thinking does the opposite by creating persistent, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/long-term-stress\/\">long-term stress<\/a>. It\u2019s normal to experience stress in your day-to-day life, and a moderate amount can actually benefit you by strengthening your body\u2019s reaction to it. However, <strong>staying in the Gap mindset consistently can create <em>toxic stress<\/em>\u2014a chronic form of stress that corrodes your mind and body over time.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Hardy and Sullivan recommend avoiding Gap-thinking entirely to prevent stress from becoming toxic. Other experts suggest managing stress more proactively by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/in-practice\/201908\/can-anxiety-ever-be-positive-force-in-your-life#:~:text=You%20can%20turn%20an%20anxious%20nature%20into,You%27ll%20also%20need%20to%20understand%20the\">channeling your anxiety into productive behaviors<\/a> that work against your fears coming true. For example, you may be anxious about the decline of your health as you age. You can channel this anxiety into making healthier choices in the present, such as eating healthy foods and exercising.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Trauma<\/em> is the most extreme form of Gap-thinking. According to the authors, <strong>trauma occurs when you have a maladaptive belief about a past event that creates dysfunction in your present day-to-day life. <\/strong>For example, imagine that you walked home from a friend\u2019s house late one night, and a group of hockey players beat you up and stole your wallet. You may be so frightened by the event that you avoid<strong> <\/strong>every subsequent hockey player you meet. Your dysfunctional belief about the past\u2014that <em>all hockey players are dangerous\u2014<\/em>affects how you act in your current and future life.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Traumatic memories are incredibly painful, so you tend to avoid thinking about them. This causes your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/thoughts-feelings-and-behaviors\/\">thoughts and feelings<\/a> regarding the event to be unorganized and confused in your mind. Unorganized memories prohibit growth because <em>you can\u2019t learn from an experience you don\u2019t understand.<\/em> So rather than focusing on the gains, you focus on your resentment of the fact that it happened at all\u2014you\u2019re stuck in the Gap mentality.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Trauma Goes Beyond Misconception<\/strong><br><br>Even in the field of psychology,<em> trauma<\/em> doesn\u2019t have a clear-cut, uniform definition. It\u2019s an umbrella term that covers a wide range of symptoms. Psychologists agree that trauma involves having misconceptions about past experiences, as the authors state here. But to understand the <em>weight<\/em> of trauma\u2014how debilitating it can be\u2014<strong>it\u2019s more accurate to think of trauma in terms of the effect it has on your brain and body.<\/strong> The unifying characteristic of all people who experience trauma is <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-body-keeps-the-score\/chapter-1\"><em>their physical and neurological reactions to the traumatic event<\/em><\/a>. These reactions can include nightmares about the event, hypervigilance, insomnia, and flashbacks.<br><br>The mental and physical <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/peter-attia-trauma\/\">effects of trauma<\/a> also impact your memories of the event. Traumatic memories are unorganized not only because you avoid thinking about them, but also because your brain doesn\u2019t <em>process them as sequential events<\/em> with a beginning, middle, and end. Instead, <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-body-keeps-the-score\/chapter-3#traumatic-memories-vs-ordinary-memories\">these memories come back to you in bits and pieces of sensory information<\/a> (such as smells or sounds) that trigger a physical response in your body.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What&#8217;s Gain-thinking? How can it improve the quality of your life? What harm can come from Gap-thinking? When you compare who you are now to who you want to be, you\u2019re resigning yourself to a life of unhappiness. Your ideal self is constantly changing, making your goals impossible to reach. Instead, you must compare who you are now to who you used to be so that you can see how far you\u2019ve come. This simple shift in thinking makes all the difference in living a happier life. Read more to learn how to have a happy life through Gain-thinking.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":72228,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,42,43],"tags":[683],"class_list":["post-72225","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-motivation","category-self-improvement","tag-the-gap-and-the-gain","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Have a Happy Life Through Gain-Thinking - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What if you started comparing who you are now to who you used to be? 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