{"id":71498,"date":"2022-07-12T10:07:00","date_gmt":"2022-07-12T14:07:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=71498"},"modified":"2022-07-18T08:24:32","modified_gmt":"2022-07-18T12:24:32","slug":"seeking-validation-from-others-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/seeking-validation-from-others-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Why You Seek Validation From Others & How to Stop"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Why do some people always seek validation from others<\/a>? How can you build self-confidence and stop seeking validation<\/a>? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Author Glennon Doyle observes that the tendency to look to others for validation has diminished women’s ability to trust their own decisions. Learning to explore your intuition through quiet reflection can free you from seeking validation<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn Doyle’s advice for learning to trust your own decisions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Embracing Intuition<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Embracing your intuition involves being guided by a deep sense of inner truth. <\/strong>When you deeply understand yourself<\/a>, you can make confident decisions. In this section, we will learn about Doyle\u2019s experiences doubting her intuition, what happened when she finally embraced it, and how she developed a method for tapping into her inner knowledge. We will then explore how you can embrace intuition in your everyday life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Doyle observes that women are conditioned to please and seek approval from others<\/strong>\u2014as a result, they don\u2019t often trust their instincts and seek validation from others. Doyle realized this during a crisis in her marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After she became pregnant with her first child, Doyle married the father of her baby, Craig Melton. Several years into their marriage, Craig admitted to having multiple affairs with other women. Doyle had to decide if she wanted to stay in the marriage, and she looked to outside sources for advice. She asked friends, read books, and even consulted Google, but no one could answer her question. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Doyle realized no one else shared her life experiences, and therefore she had to make this decision by herself. She had to find a way to connect with herself deeply to make decisions based on her inner wisdom and intuition rather than others\u2019 opinions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Damage of Low Self-Confidence in the Workplace<\/strong>

Doyle discusses women\u2019s lack of confidence in the context of their personal lives, but this issue extends much further\u2014many women also experience the negative effects of low self-confidence in the workplace. In The Confidence Code<\/em><\/a>, authors Katty Kay and Claire Shipman point out how a woman\u2019s lack of confidence at work and the deferential behaviors they display can result in lower pay, fewer opportunities for advancement, and feelings of inadequacy. Their inclination to distrust their instincts and seek validation from others inhibits their ability to take the sort of confident action<\/a> that would earn respect and rewards in the workplace. 

They suggest that women increase their confidence in the workplace by focusing less on deferential behaviors, such as perfectionism and people-pleasing, and more on action and risk-taking<\/a>. They advocate the \u201cfail fast\u201d approach: taking action on several of your own ideas, expecting some of them to fail<\/a>. Getting used to taking action\u2014and learning not to fear failure\u2014helps women to stop seeking validation from others<\/a> and to become self-reliant.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Exercise: Write a New Message to Yourself<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

To help you stop seeking validation from others, Doyle recommends that you write new messages about who you are<\/a> and what you believe. In this exercise, you can identify the things you value most about yourself, your core beliefs, and the promises you can make to yourself going forward. <\/p>\n\n\n\n