{"id":70691,"date":"2022-06-23T11:17:00","date_gmt":"2022-06-23T15:17:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=70691"},"modified":"2025-10-03T11:52:43","modified_gmt":"2025-10-03T15:52:43","slug":"expectations-of-women","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/expectations-of-women\/","title":{"rendered":"Expectations of Women: Society Is Holding You Captive"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do you ever feel held captive by society&#8217;s rules? Does being a woman in today&#8217;s society require conformity to stereotypes? How can you set yourself free?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Author Glennon Doyle discovered four pathways to help women reconnect with themselves: embracing emotion, intuition, imagination, and reconstruction. Additionally, embracing your wildness allows you to live free from society&#8217;s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/expectations-of-women-2\/\">expectations of women<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read on to learn why society&#8217;s expectations of women are unrealistic and how one woman broke free from this captivity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<p><em>Editor\u2019s note: This article is part of\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/health\/mental\/stress-guide\/\">Shortform\u2019s guide to stress<\/a>. If you like what you read here, there\u2019s plenty more to check out in the guide!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-expectations-of-women-doyle-s-memoir-of-captivity\">Expectations of Women<strong>: Doyle&#8217;s Memoir of Captivity<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Do you ever feel that there is a more authentic, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/primal-self\/\">primal self<\/a> within you waiting to be free? Glennon Doyle has felt this way, too\u2014like a wild animal in captivity who was conditioned not to feel, think, or trust herself. She tells her story in <em>Untamed<\/em>, part memoir\u2014covering her personal story of addiction and rehab, falling in love with a woman, leaving her marriage, and rebuilding her life\u2014and part call to action for any woman who feels held captive by society\u2019s rules and expectations of women.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Through exploration of her story, she instructs readers to<strong> rebuild their lives using emotion, intuition, and imagination as guiding forces. <\/strong>In this article, we\u2019ll explore Doyle\u2019s journey to free herself from society&#8217;s expectations of women and her most important lessons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Received Cultural Messages&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>As a child, Doyle was creative, impulsive, and intuitive. As she entered adolescence, however, Doyle started receiving and internalizing damaging cultural messages about what women should be: pleasing and agreeable, self-sacrificing, and attractive to men\u2014all while repressing their emotions and desires and deferring to others\u2019 opinions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Doyle abandoned her unconstrained childhood self to conform to these expectations of women and began bottling up her emotions, distrusting her intuition, and dismissing her imagination\u2014this messaging took away her freedom and put her in the cage of society&#8217;s expectations for a woman today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Why Social Messaging Disproportionately Affects Girls<\/strong><br><br>Doyle describes how she was susceptible to the messages of her culture and internalized them at an early age. One of the reasons Doyle was so affected by this messaging is that humans place a high value on social acceptance and are therefore constantly observing the behaviors of others to guide their behavior.&nbsp;<br><br>In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/influence\"><em>Influence<\/em><\/a>, Robert Cialdini describes <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/influence\/chapter-4#why-we-imitate-others\">\u201cThe Social Proof Principle,\u201d<\/a> which states that when people are unsure of how to behave, they base their behavior on the behaviors of others in the group. Social proofs can be a way to cope with insecurity and pursue social acceptance.&nbsp;<br><br>Adolescent girls can be particularly susceptible to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/social-expectations-for-women\/\">social expectations of women<\/a> because they <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/emotional-nourishment\/202006\/the-need-social-approval\">are more sensitive to rejection or social disapproval than boys<\/a>. As a result, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC8175666\/#:~:text=Some%20studies%20suggest%20that%20girls%E2%80%99%20body%20image%20perceptions,McAndrew%20and%20Jeong%2C%202012%3B%20Chua%20and%20Chang%2C%202016%29.\">manufactured social proofs<\/a>\u2014social proofs deliberately created to manipulate behavior\u2014disproportionately affect girls. A pervasive example of manufactured social proofs are the messages in advertising <a href=\"https:\/\/yourbusiness.azcentral.com\/advertising-influences-teens-6528.html\">that aim to convince girls that they are not good enough<\/a>. These kinds of manufactured social proofs can have long-lasting<a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC7012622\/\"> negative consequences, including anxiety, depression, and insecurity<\/a>\u2014all of which Doyle has struggled with throughout her life.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Pathways Out of Captivity<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Doyle identified the &#8220;pathways&#8221; that had allowed her to break free and live a wild, undomesticated life. Doyle introduces <strong>four pathways to help free yourself from social expectations of women. <\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Pathway #1: Embracing Emotion<\/strong>\u2014numbing your emotions has stopped you from being able to express your feelings. This pathway encourages you to embrace and express your emotions to be fully human.\u00a0\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Pathway #2: Embracing Your Intuition<\/strong>\u2014the tendency to look to others for validation has diminished your ability to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-tap-into-your-intuition\/\">tap into your intuition<\/a>. By following this pathway, you can learn to explore your intuition through quiet reflection.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Pathway #3: Embracing Your Imagination<\/strong>\u2014the social message that you must accept your current reality and be grateful for your life has diminished your ability to imagine a new reality. Embracing your imagination will help you create a better, more vibrant life.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Pathway #4: Embracing Deconstruction and Reconstruction<\/strong>\u2014your ability to deconstruct your existing beliefs and assumptions and rebuild a new life for yourself has been taken away by society\u2019s interest in maintaining the status quo. This pathway helps you deconstruct your old ways of thinking so you can rebuild your life around emotion, inner knowledge, and imagination.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Women\u2019s Liberation: From the \u201860s to Today<\/strong><br><br>Doyle\u2019s pathways to freedom shares many similarities with the ideas that developed during the women\u2019s rights movement in the 1960s and 70s. Betty Friedan was a feminist leader during this period focused on women\u2019s liberation.<br><br>In the early 60s, Friedan experienced a sense of dissatisfaction and purposelessness as a homemaker raising children\u2014an experience similar to Doyle\u2019s captivity. She realized many women shared her experiences of being confined to the home and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feeling-unfulfilled-in-life\/\">feeling unfulfilled<\/a>, so she sought to find ways to liberate women like herself. Friedan realized acknowledging their shared experiences was an important first step toward progress and action. She therefore wrote <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Feminine-Mystique-Norton-Critical-Editions\/dp\/0393934659\"><em>The Feminine Mystique<\/em><\/a><em>, <\/em>which explored this shared female experience<em> <\/em>and exposed the cultural forces that kept women oppressed. In her book, Friedan suggests concrete courses of action, such as rethinking <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-it-means-to-be-a-woman-today\/\">what it means to be a woman<\/a> and breaking free of social restrictions by pursuing educational and career opportunities.<br><br>Friedan\u2019s ideas about liberation are more focused on direct actions women can take toward liberation, while Doyle focuses more on examining and reinventing your mindset. Still, both Friedan and Doyle agree that rethinking what it means to be a woman is necessary to make progress and pursue fulfillment.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-reconstruction-and-rebirth\">Reconstruction and Rebirth<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Doyle now lives according to her wildness\u2014her primal self who had been there all along, waiting to be free. She has made a promise never again to abandon herself. She will <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/ways-to-practice-self-love\/\">practice self-love<\/a> and always trust her instincts, and calls on her readers to once again become wild women.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Doyle&#8217;s Tips: Free Yourself From Social Expectations of Women<\/strong><br><br>Doyle continues to embrace the pathways we have explored in this guide\u2014she\u2019s found concrete ways to live into each:<br>&#8211; She has a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.newyorker.com\/magazine\/2021\/02\/15\/glennon-doyles-honesty-gospel\">post-it note on her mirror that reminds her to \u201cfeel it all\u201d and embrace her emotions<\/a>.&nbsp;<br><br>&#8211; She continues to be guided by her intuition as she engages in activism through Together Rising and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.celebritykind.com\/kindness\/glennon-doyle-abby-wambachs-together-rising-raises-over-1m-to-support-ukrainian-families\/\">raises money for causes close to her heart<\/a>.&nbsp;<br><br>&#8211; Doyle lives the life she imagined for herself with Abby. Together they co-host the <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.google.com\/feed\/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vd2NkaHQ?sa=X&amp;ved=0CAMQ4aUDahgKEwiQppas2a_4AhUAAAAAHQAAAAAQ6gE\">We Can Do Hard Things<\/a> podcast, in which they are honest about their daily struggles and <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.google.com\/feed\/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vd2NkaHQ\/episode\/MjQ4MTMxYTgtM2IyZi0xMWVjLTg4ZjQtZWJjMGIwMGQ5ZGI0?sa=X&amp;ved=0CAUQkfYCahcKEwiQppas2a_4AhUAAAAAHQAAAAAQAQ\">how they try to support each other on their respective journeys<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you ever feel held captive by society&#8217;s rules? Does being a woman in today&#8217;s society require conformity to stereotypes? How can you set yourself free? Author Glennon Doyle discovered four pathways to help women reconnect with themselves: embracing emotion, intuition, imagination, and reconstruction. Additionally, embracing your wildness allows you to live free from society&#8217;s expectations of women. Read on to learn why society&#8217;s expectations of women are unrealistic and how one woman broke free from this captivity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":70913,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[43,24],"tags":[667],"class_list":["post-70691","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-self-improvement","category-society","tag-untamed","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Expectations of Women: Society Is Holding You Captive - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you ever feel that society&#039;s expectations of women are unrealistic? 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