{"id":68628,"date":"2022-06-07T06:21:00","date_gmt":"2022-06-07T10:21:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=68628"},"modified":"2022-06-16T09:35:40","modified_gmt":"2022-06-16T13:35:40","slug":"brene-brown-love-and-belonging","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/brene-brown-love-and-belonging\/","title":{"rendered":"Bren\u00e9 Brown: The Need for Love and Belonging"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>How important is it for humans to feel love and belonging? What exactly is love?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Bren\u00e9 Brown, love and belonging are essential to human well-being. Belonging<em> <\/em>is when you can truly be yourself, and the people around you love you for it. Love is a deep form of shared belonging.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading to learn about the human need for love and belonging, according to Bren\u00e9 Brown.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-love-trust-and-vulnerability\"><strong>Love, Trust, and Vulnerability<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Bren\u00e9 Brown, love and belonging are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-are-the-basic-human-needs\/\">basic human needs<\/a>. <strong>Brown defines <em>love <\/em>as a deep and fulfilling connection between people. <\/strong>Brown says that love begins with deep trust and the freedom to be yourself: You open yourself up to another person, and that other person opens up to you. You leave yourselves vulnerable to each other and honor that shared vulnerability with kindness, respect, and warmth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Trust <\/em>is the choice to take something that\u2019s important to you and make it vulnerable to another person\u2014it\u2019s the belief that something you value deeply will be safe with another person. For example, when you hire a babysitter, you\u2019re trusting that person with your child; when you confess your feelings for someone, you\u2019re trusting that person with your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/emotional-health-and-well-being\/\">emotional well-being<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Vulnerability <\/em>is what you experience when you take a risk, or leave yourself open to emotional harm. Even Brown has a hard time explaining exactly what vulnerability is, but it\u2019s what you might feel when you confess your feelings for someone or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/ask-for-feedback-at-work\/\">ask for feedback<\/a> on a deeply personal issue\u2014it\u2019s the knowledge that you\u2019ve exposed an emotional weak spot and that someone could use it to hurt you.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, Brown says that vulnerability is a prerequisite for courage: You have to make yourself vulnerable in order to take big chances like starting a new career, entering a new relationship, or taking on a leadership role.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>You Cannot Be Harmed<\/strong><br><br>Marcus Aurelius\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/meditations\"><em>Meditations<\/em><\/a>\u2014one of the definitive books on Stoicism\u2014argues that we shouldn\u2019t fear opening up to others simply because <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/meditations\/books-4-6#recognize-that-others-cant-hurt-you\">there\u2019s nothing to be afraid of<\/a>. According to Stoicism, a philosophy based on logic and duty, the only thing that can truly hurt us is something that hurts our <em>character<\/em>; which, to a Stoic, means something that affects our ability to be rational or our willingness to carry out our duties.<br><br>Because of that belief, a Stoic like Aurelius would embrace love and trust freely, and he wouldn\u2019t be afraid to leave himself emotionally vulnerable by doing so. <strong>Aurelius would argue that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/healing-emotional-pain-eckhart-tolle-emotions\/\">emotional pain<\/a> doesn\u2019t matter because it isn\u2019t truly harming him.<\/strong> Furthermore, he\u2019d say that taking advantage of his vulnerability is a failing on the part of the other person, not himself.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Belonging Versus Fitting In<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Brown, belonging means being someplace where you want to be, and others want you there; it\u2019s a true connection with a group of people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Conversely, \u201cfitting in\u201d<\/strong> <strong>is the near enemy of belonging: <\/strong>It resembles true belonging, but lacks the connection and love.<strong> <\/strong>It\u2019s being somewhere you don\u2019t necessarily want to be, and where you have to adjust your behavior to match the others. Far from trying to forge genuine connections, you\u2019re putting up a false front just to avoid negative attention.(Shortform note: Another way to look at the <a href=\"https:\/\/medium.com\/mind-cafe\/the-crucial-difference-between-fitting-in-and-belonging-cbc3da9d2f4a\">difference between belonging and fitting in<\/a> is: Fitting in means <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/changing-yourself\/\">changing yourself<\/a> to match your environment, while belonging means finding or creating an environment that matches you. In other words, fitting in means focusing outward, while belonging means focusing inward. Therefore, it\u2019s natural that true belonging is more personally fulfilling than simply fitting in.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How important is it for humans to feel love and belonging? What exactly is love? According to Bren\u00e9 Brown, love and belonging are essential to human well-being. Belonging is when you can truly be yourself, and the people around you love you for it. Love is a deep form of shared belonging.&nbsp; Keep reading to learn about the human need for love and belonging, according to Bren\u00e9 Brown.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":901,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,6],"tags":[640],"class_list":["post-68628","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-spiritual","tag-atlas-of-the-heart","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Bren\u00e9 Brown: The Need for Love and Belonging - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Love and belonging are essential to human well-being. 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