{"id":68609,"date":"2022-06-05T06:20:00","date_gmt":"2022-06-05T10:20:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=68609"},"modified":"2022-06-16T09:35:45","modified_gmt":"2022-06-16T13:35:45","slug":"feeling-disappointed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feeling-disappointed\/","title":{"rendered":"Feeling Disappointed or Bored With Life? Read This"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Do you feel like something is missing from your life? Do you feel like your life is devoid of direction and fulfillment? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When reality falls short of expectations, you may experience either boredom or disappointment (or both). You may feel like there’s nothing engaging or fulfilling to do (boredom) or upset at the fact that your expectations are not being met. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you’re feeling disappointed or bored with your life, here’s some food for thought that may help you put these feelings into perspective and channel them into productive ends. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

When Reality Falls Short of Expectations<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In her book Atlas of the<\/em> Heart, Brown describes boredom<\/em> as wanting to do something fulfilling and not being able to. <\/strong>You feel understimulated, your tasks (if you have any) seem meaningless and unsatisfying, and time seems to stretch out.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re in control of the situation, boredom is likely to leave you feeling lazy and lethargic\u2014for example, if you\u2019re sitting at home and simply can\u2019t find anything to fill the time. Conversely, when you\u2019re not in control, boredom is more likely to make you feel antsy and frustrated; like being stuck at school or work and wishing you could do something else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In Atomic Habits<\/em><\/a>, <\/em>James Clear has a different idea of where boredom comes from: lack of novelty and lack of challenge<\/a>. In other words, if we\u2019re doing something that\u2019s both familiar and easy, we\u2019ll quickly become bored with it. Clear\u2019s solution to boredom is to keep things interesting by coming up with new challenges for yourself<\/a>\u2014make these challenges tough enough to be interesting, but not so <\/em>difficult that they\u2019re frustrating. For example, if you\u2019re getting bored at your job, you might challenge yourself to do your work more quickly (but just as well) or look for a new skill to add to your repertoire.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Disappointment<\/em><\/strong> is the negative state that you feel when your expectations aren\u2019t met. <\/strong>Brown says the more important the expectation was to you, the deeper and more painful the disappointment will be. For example, if you wanted pizza for dinner and wound up eating chicken, you might experience mild discomfort from your disappointment. On the other hand, if you were expecting your partner to throw you a birthday party but he forgot that it even was your birthday, you might feel deeply hurt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Brown adds that regret <\/em>is similar to disappointment, but it\u2019s specific to times when you think the outcome was in your control. In other words, regret is disappointment plus guilt: Things didn\u2019t play out the way you wanted, and it feels like it\u2019s your own fault. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Overcome Disappointment With Hope<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In Grit<\/em><\/a>, Angela Duckworth defines hope as the belief that you can make things better; not just that things will <\/em>get better, but that you personally have the power to make it so<\/a>. If you’re feeling disappointed or regretful, hope can counteract both. Hope leads you from, \u201cThings didn\u2019t work out\u201d to, \u201cI\u2019ll make sure things work out next time.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Duckworth also ties hope to what psychologist Carol Dweck calls the growth mindset<\/a>, which is the belief that people can change and improve over time. Hope goes hand-in-hand with a growth mindset<\/a> because, in order to believe that you can make things better, you have to believe that you <\/em>can become better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The alternative to a growth mindset is a fixed mindset<\/a>: <\/em>a belief that people\u2019s abilities and personalities are ingrained from birth. Here\u2019s how each mindset might respond to disappointment or regret:<\/p>\n\n\n\n