{"id":67968,"date":"2022-06-04T18:00:21","date_gmt":"2022-06-04T22:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=67968"},"modified":"2022-06-09T18:15:20","modified_gmt":"2022-06-09T22:15:20","slug":"it-didnt-start-with-you-quotes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/it-didnt-start-with-you-quotes\/","title":{"rendered":"It Didn’t Start With You: Quotes by Mark Wolynn"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Are you looking for It Didn’t Start With You<\/em> quotes by Mark Wolynn? What does he have to say about inherited trauma<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In It Didn\u2019t Start With You<\/em>, Mark Wolynn says the source of your suffering may lie hidden in your unconscious, where traumas from your past\u2014and your family\u2019s past\u2014are stopping you from being truly happy and free. Wolynn shares the latest research to reveal how traumas get passed biologically from one generation to the next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here’s a selection of quotes highlighting some of the key ideas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

It Didn’t Start With You<\/em> Quotes<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Do you suffer from persistent anxiety, depression, or illness? If you\u2019ve tried and failed to get relief through talk therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes, you may need another approach. The source of your suffering may lie hidden in your unconscious<\/strong>, where traumas from your past\u2014and your family\u2019s past\u2014are stopping you from achieving happiness, success, and freedom. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In It Didn\u2019t Start With You<\/em>, Mark Wolynn, director of The Family Constellation Institute, shares the latest research to reveal how traumas get passed biologically from one generation to the next. The secret to uncovering and resolving these traumas, Wolynn says, is language-based therapy<\/em>\u2014answering a series of personal questions and following the clues that surface in your responses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are some of the top It Didn’t Start With You<\/em> quotes by Mark Wolynn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen family members lead unhappy lives or suffer an extremely difficult fate, it\u2019s often easier to reject them than to feel the pain of loving them. Anger is often an easier emotion to feel than sadness.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Wolynn asserts that cutting ourselves off from parents who have caused us pain can give us the illusion of freedom, but doing so often blinds us to the ways we embody the very qualities in them we reject. Here\u2019s an example: You cut ties with your father because he had an affair that led to your parents\u2019 divorce. Now the unresolved pain and anger you directed at your father are surfacing in your life in unexpected ways\u2014and you find yourself exhibiting the same qualities you rejected in him. You refuse to consider marriage, you are aloof with your partner who you love deeply, and\u2014to your horror\u2014you find yourself tempted to cheat on him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Research supports Wolynn\u2019s assertion that parent-child relationships profoundly shape our lives, and that renouncing a parent can negatively impact your well-being. One study, for example, indicates that the psychological distance between family members influences our mental health outcomes<\/a>. When relationships among mother, father, and children are all equal and close\u2014what researchers consider \u201cbalanced\u201d\u2014children are less prone to anxiety and depression<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA child who takes care of a parent often forges a lifelong pattern of overextension and creates a blueprint for habitually feeling overwhelmed<\/a>.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Wolynn says it\u2019s common for us to internalize a parent\u2019s trauma and then project that trauma into our relationships. Here\u2019s an example: If your mom suffers from severe social anxiety while you are growing up, she may isolate herself. To alleviate her loneliness, you step in as her friend and confidant. Now, as an adult, you are repeating that dynamic with your son while still serving as caretaker for your mother. You resent your mother and feel guilty about imposing on your son.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBy developing a relationship with the painful parts of ourselves\u2014parts we have often inherited from our family\u2014we have an opportunity to shift them. Qualities like cruelty can become the source of our kindness; our judgments can forge the foundation of our compassion.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Wolynn recommends that you use insights about past grievances to mend broken relationships. You can do this even if your family members are deceased or if you don’t know where they are<\/strong>. Here are some options to do this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n