{"id":67487,"date":"2022-05-31T05:56:32","date_gmt":"2022-05-31T09:56:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=67487"},"modified":"2022-06-05T06:24:55","modified_gmt":"2022-06-05T10:24:55","slug":"what-do-men-want-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-do-men-want-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"What Do Men Want in a Relationship?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What are the standards men have when it comes to relationships? What do men want in a relationship?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Rollo Tomassi, the author of The Rational Male<\/em>, men aren’t interested in being in a monogamous, committed relationship. However, if a man does decide to settle down, he will do it on his own terms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here’s what men really want in a relationship, according to Rollo Tomassi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

What Men Want in a Relationship<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

What do men want in a relationship?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Below are two of Tomassi\u2019s fundamental truths about what men want from relationships. Tomassi doesn\u2019t prescribe a particular relationship goal for all men<\/strong>. Rather, he shares his insights and leaves men to decide what\u2019s best for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men Don\u2019t Want Commitment<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The feminine agenda upholds monogamous, committed relationships as the ultimate achievement in our culture<\/strong>. Men are led to believe that they have one true soulmate and it\u2019s up to them to settle down with that elusive \u201cone.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Many areas of our culture promote belief in a soulmate, including films, books, magazines, and television shows. For example, the reality show The Bachelor<\/em> showcases a single man who dates several women to find his true love<\/a>. Many religious traditions also bolster the soulmate belief<\/a>, downplaying the importance of economic or social compatibility in favor of a spiritual connection.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This fantasy that men want to be in a long-term relationship, Tomassi asserts, has two effects. First, it undermines men\u2019s natural tendencies to seek out multiple sexual partners without attachment<\/strong>. When they buy into the notion that there is one perfect woman for them, they invest precious emotional and financial resources in pursuit of that one treasure. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second, it causes men to desperately hunt for their soulmate <\/strong>so they can fulfill the cultural expectation to get attached and settle down. <\/strong>Consequently, Tomassi says, a man often settles for a woman who is not a good match. And then he invests more into that relationship\u2014trying to buy love, and fix himself or his partner\u2014instead of cutting his losses and walking away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: How prevalent is the belief in a soulmate, and how many people truly invest their emotional and financial resources into finding theirs? According to research, 73 percent of Americans believe their happiness depends on finding their predestined soulmate<\/a>. As Tomassi says, this belief can have negative effects. People who believe they are fulfilling their destiny by committing to their assumed soulmate are more likely to lose interest in their partner and give up when any challenges surface in the relationship. To reduce your chances of suffering disillusionment that leads to painful breakups, stop trying to fulfill an unrealistic fantasy. Instead, focus on building an authentic, meaningful connection with a person with compatible interests.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In essence, the thing men want the most in a relationship is no commitment. Men need to stop believing there is only one perfect match out there for them and that a committed, monogamous relationship<\/a> is their duty or destiny: They can settle down if they want to, but it\u2019s not a mandate. Tomassi cautions that commitment forces a man to sacrifice his sexual strategy in favor of a woman\u2019s. Thus, the man surrenders, to a large degree, his options and freedom. Men remain sexually desirable well into old age, and they can live happy, fulfilled lives without locking themselves into a committed relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men Want to Create Long-Term Relationships on Their Terms<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

According to Tomassi, the second thing men want in a relationship is to set their own guidelines. First, a man must<\/strong> choose a woman he truly cares for<\/strong>. He must resist pressure to find his imaginary soulmate as quickly as possible. Instead, Tomassi says, a man must be patient and gain experience with lots of women so he knows what he likes. Although there\u2019s no such thing as a \u201cperfect\u201d woman, he must choose someone who has enough of what he needs to satisfy him. He should be so passionate about her that it\u2019s worth limiting his future opportunities. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second, a man must define the relationship dynamic by establishing his authority and independence<\/a><\/strong>. He needs to say no, be unpredictable<\/a>, and make it clear that he won\u2019t compromise his beliefs and ambitions for sexual access. Tomassi says that when a man sets the terms in this way, the relationship should be effortless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Choose the Right Woman and Create a Great Relationship<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Tomassi advises men who want long-term relationships to choose their women wisely, based largely on passion. But what if the choice is down to two equally appealing contenders? Use these tips to make your selection<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n