{"id":67475,"date":"2022-05-27T13:16:51","date_gmt":"2022-05-27T17:16:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=67475"},"modified":"2022-06-05T08:09:32","modified_gmt":"2022-06-05T12:09:32","slug":"women-are-a-mystery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/women-are-a-mystery\/","title":{"rendered":"Women Are a Mystery: The Biggest Lie Men Are Told"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Are women difficult to read? Where does this idea\u2014that women are an unknowable mystery\u2014come from? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When a woman isn&#8217;t open to discussing her thoughts or desires, it is hard to figure out what she really wants. In his book <em>The Rational Male<\/em>, Rollo Tomassi says that women purposefully do this to manipulate men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here&#8217;s why Tomassi rebukes the idea that women are a mystery and how to tell what a woman is really thinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-are-women-an-unknowable-mystery\">Are <strong>Women an Unknowable Mystery?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Tomassi says that the idea women are a mystery is a fallacy. Women perpetuate the lie of the unknowable female by<strong> <\/strong>saying one thing and doing another\u2014their default mode of communication. Furthermore, Tomassi argues that <strong>whereas men clearly say what they mean, women don\u2019t<\/strong>. They allow emotions to dictate their reactions, which keeps men constantly guessing about women\u2019s true intentions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The only way to accurately determine a woman\u2019s intentions, Tomassi advises, is to observe her actions. He contends that women\u2019s behaviors provide the <em>only<\/em> evidence of their motivations\u2014and that their true motivations often lie beneath their conscious awareness, so men are wise to never trust the justifications women give for their behaviors.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Tomassi insists that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/women-communicating\/\">women communicate<\/a> in a manner that is consistently and often intentionally misleading and that men should therefore trust only women\u2019s <em>actions<\/em>. However, he provides no supporting evidence for this claim. Research on this topic is mixed. According to one poll, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/commentisfree\/2015\/jun\/05\/women-lie-untruths-human\">women are twice as likely to lie as men<\/a>, which researchers attribute to women having more empathy and being \u201cnicer\u201d than men. By this logic, women lie because they want to shield people from unpleasant truths. Other research shows that men are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.frontiersin.org\/articles\/10.3389\/fpsyg.2022.820923\/full#:~:text=A%20meta%2Danalysis%20on%20honesty,4%25%20more%20deceptive%20than%20women\">more deceptive than women<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.news24.com\/health24\/mental-health\/news\/who-are-bigger-better-liars-men-or-women-20200123-2\">consider themselves better liars than women<\/a>, and <a href=\"https:\/\/economictimes.indiatimes.com\/magazines\/panache\/battle-of-the-sexes-study-shows-men-get-away-with-lies-twice-as-much-as-women\/articleshow\/72939139.cms\">get away with lies twice as much as women<\/a>. That said, all of these generalized findings obscure nuances of communication and don\u2019t lead to clear conclusions about any one gender writ large.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-men-can-understand-women\">Men Can Understand Women<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Tomassi argues that the lie that women are a mystery serves to <strong>discourage men from attempting to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/understanding-women\/\">understand women<\/a><\/strong>. If men understood women, they would be able to see through and resist women\u2019s control and manipulations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Tomassi says that women\u2019s manipulations undermine men\u2019s power. So, how can you tell if someone is manipulating you? Here are some concrete warning signs to look out for, according to experts: A manipulative person may <a href=\"https:\/\/www.insider.com\/signs-of-manipulation\">point out your flaws in front of others<\/a>, change their requests and desires often, use guilt against you by reminding you of past wrongdoings, violate your boundaries, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.bustle.com\/wellness\/signs-someone-is-manipulating-you\">ignore your opinions<\/a>, and give you the silent treatment.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In truth, Tomassi asserts, women are not mysterious and unknowable. On the contrary, <strong>men can understand women by tapping into the collective knowledge that men have accumulated about women<\/strong>\u2014particularly over the past 20 years\u2014in books, online forums, and virtual communities. Men around the world can easily access powerful truths about women that guide them on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-understand-anything-deeply\/\">how to understand<\/a> women\u2019s motivations and subvert female dominance.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-tomassi-s-work-and-the-manosphere\"><strong>Tomassi\u2019s Work and the \u201cManosphere\u201d<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Tomassi could well be referring to his own work as self-help sources for men trying to understand mysterious women, as he has many different platforms where he discusses the issues he explores in <em>The Rational Male.<\/em> These include his popular blog and YouTube channel, the latter of which has over 150,000 subscribers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, readers should be careful when Tomassi references his own work in the online community. Tomassi is also part of the \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.motherjones.com\/politics\/2015\/01\/manosphere-mens-rights-movement-terms\/\">manosphere\u201d community<\/a>, a loosely connected online network of blogs, forums, YouTube channels, and subreddits aimed at men. Many people involved in the manosphere say the advice they\u2019ve received from other men has helped them avoid the pitfalls of dating and relationships and become the best version of themselves. Critics say the manosphere is dangerous, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.internetmatters.org\/hub\/news-blogs\/what-is-the-manosphere-and-why-is-it-a-concern\/\">leading men to express hatred toward women and girls<\/a> \u2014even prompting acts of extreme violence.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are women difficult to read? Where does this idea\u2014that women are an unknowable mystery\u2014come from? When a woman isn&#8217;t open to discussing her thoughts or desires, it is hard to figure out what she really wants. In his book The Rational Male, Rollo Tomassi says that women purposefully do this to manipulate men. Here&#8217;s why Tomassi rebukes the idea that women are a mystery and how to tell what a woman is really thinking.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":56436,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12],"tags":[630],"class_list":["post-67475","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","tag-the-rational-male","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Women Are a Mystery: The Biggest Lie Men Are Told - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"According to Rollo Tomassi, the idea that women are a mystery is a fallacy. 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