{"id":66993,"date":"2022-06-02T03:30:22","date_gmt":"2022-06-02T07:30:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=66993"},"modified":"2022-06-14T21:58:25","modified_gmt":"2022-06-15T01:58:25","slug":"effects-of-low-self-esteem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/effects-of-low-self-esteem\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding the Effects of Low Self-Esteem"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Do you suffer from low self-esteem<\/a>? How does having low self-esteem affect your life outcomes? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just as healthy self-esteem benefits you, poor self-esteem harms you. Having low self-esteem causes you to behave in ways that further erode your self-esteem, diminish your happiness, and create problems in your relationships and work. Many people don’t even realize they have low self-esteem because it can be concealed by a false sense of confidence that may ultimately cause greater harm. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learn about the negative effects of low self-esteem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

The Effects of Low Self-Esteem<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

According to self-esteem expert Nathaniel Branden, poor self-esteem encourages fear\u2014and thus obstructs your ability to raise your self-esteem<\/a>. He contends that to increase your self-esteem<\/a>, you must believe that you\u2019re capable and worthy of facing reality\u2014about yourself, others, the circumstances of your life, and the consequences of your actions. But if you suspect you\u2019re not<\/em> capable or worthy, you don\u2019t look for answers because you fear that they might prove you right: In other words, low self-esteem makes you afraid <\/em>of facing reality<\/a>. So you instead find comfort in the idea that you behave how you do because it\u2019s who you are<\/a><\/em>. Your behavior aligns with this image\u2014which, as we\u2019ve seen, lowers your self-esteem even further, creating a vicious cycle. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, if you have low self-esteem, you might fear that you\u2019re incapable of sending out a strong job application\u2014and then grow so paralyzed by this fear that you never bother to create one. You then create an image of yourself that you\u2019re the kind of person who can\u2019t find a job, and then you continue behavior that prevents you from finding a job\u2014like not filling in the application.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: While people with low self-esteem are afraid of their own<\/em> perceptions of reality, they tend to trust external <\/em>validation. One study suggests that people with low self-esteem are more receptive to positive feedback from others<\/a> than from themselves because they see others as more reliable. So if you\u2019re afraid to fill out a job application, you could ask a friend to do it with you.)  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the negative effects of low self-esteem is<\/a> struggling in a romantic relationship. When you don\u2019t love yourself, you\u2019re unable to give<\/em> love to others. So you instead look for others to give you the approval you can\u2019t give yourself. This isn\u2019t really love, Branden posits, but rather a search for validation. Worse, if you do <\/em>receive love, you can\u2019t accept it. When reality clashes with your narrative that you\u2019re unlovable, you grow anxious. But you never consider that your narrative<\/em> is wrong. Instead, you resolve your anxiety by making reality match what you believe and taking self-sabotaging actions that prove you\u2019re unlovable\u2014like being cruel to partners who treat you well until they get fed up with your mistreatment and leave.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: One study suggests a different way people with low self-esteem sabotage their relationship: To avoid being rejected outright when they ask their partners for help, they seek support in indirect ways\u2014like sulking<\/a>. However, this technique backfires: The partners tend to respond negatively, and the people with low self-esteem end up without the support they wanted.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moreover, low self-esteem damages your ability to succeed at work, too. <\/strong>Notably, you may feel threatened by others\u2019 success. Since you\u2019re unconfident in your own abilities, you judge others\u2019 accomplishments not by their own merits but by how they reflect on you: When they succeed, you feel jealous and worry that their achievement will show the world how little you\u2019re accomplishing. This may lead you to engage in destructive behavior, like being unnecessarily rude to your successful colleague. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: To diminish your jealousy over others\u2019 accomplishments, one founder recommends saying to yourself: \u201cWow, I\u2019m looking forward to reaching that milestone. What can I learn from how they got there?<\/a> Viewing their accomplishment as an achievable goal will put it in a positive light and motivate you to work on your own ventures, too.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finally, some people with low self-esteem develop a false sense of self-esteem<\/strong>, or \u201cpseudo self-esteem\u201d<\/em>\u2014which, Branden warns, is dangerous. They don\u2019t want to admit that they feel incapable and unworthy, so they find external sources of validation\u2014like friends or lovers or possessions. For example, you may derive your self-worth from the attractiveness of your spouse. But this isn\u2019t true self-esteem, Branden contends. Self-esteem ultimately comes from how you<\/em>\u2014not others\u2014view yourself. So self-esteem that comes primarily from others lacks the benefits of true self-esteem. Moreover, Branden warns, it risks making you dependent on how others view you\u2014which would lower your self-esteem even more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Social media has turned over-reliance on external validation into an epidemic<\/a>, leading to low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety in many users. As it becomes easier to validate others and receive validation, people crave it in every aspect of their life\u2014and they\u2019ve grown so attached to other people\u2019s reactions that they can\u2019t recognize how they feel about themselves. To break this cycle, use self-reflection<\/a> to recognize when you\u2019re seeking validation<\/a> through social media, and consider taking a break or even deleting your social media accounts in order to learn to rely on your own judgment of yourself.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you suffer from low self-esteem? How does having low self-esteem affect your life outcomes? Just as healthy self-esteem benefits you, poor self-esteem harms you. Having low self-esteem causes you to behave in ways that further erode your self-esteem, diminish your happiness, and create problems in your relationships and work. Many people don’t even realize they have low self-esteem because it can be concealed by a false sense of confidence that may ultimately cause greater harm.  Learn about the negative effects of low self-esteem.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":556,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43],"tags":[624],"class_list":["post-66993","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nUnderstanding the Effects of Low Self-Esteem - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Just as healthy self-esteem benefits you, poor self-esteem harms you. 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