{"id":66800,"date":"2022-05-14T12:33:00","date_gmt":"2022-05-14T16:33:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=66800"},"modified":"2022-05-25T13:20:45","modified_gmt":"2022-05-25T17:20:45","slug":"how-to-have-a-deep-conversation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-have-a-deep-conversation\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Have a Deep Conversation With Someone"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do you want to learn how to have a deep conversation with anyone? How can you move beyond superficial topics and talk about things that are more personal and profound? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you want to move beyond superficial conversations, you\u2019re going to have to build an emotional connection with your conversation partner. To put it simply, emotional connection is when people trust each other enough to reveal more about themselves\u2014who they are and how they really feel about things.  It\u2019s at this stage that conversations move from being superficial to being meaningful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She suggests four techniques to help build trust so that you can develop an emotional connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-make-your-interest-in-them-clear\"><strong>#1: Make Your Interest in Them Clear<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>In her book <em>How to Talk to Anyone<\/em>, communications expert Leil Lowndes explains how to have a deep conversation with anyone. The first step, she says, is to make your interest in them clear. To that end, ask them questions to learn more about how they spend their time and give them space to talk about themselves. Then mention how much you enjoy listening to them and find a way to relate your own interests to theirs. According to Lowndes, this approach will endear them to you because it signals that you\u2019re interested in who they are and what they care about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Remember details for future conversations:<\/strong> Write down interesting facts about the people you talk to so that you can refer to them the next time you meet them. Alluding to things that they\u2019ve previously shared about themselves instantly makes them want to reveal even more\u2014because it demonstrates that you\u2019ve been <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-pay-attention\/\">paying attention<\/a> to them and care enough to remember little details.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-present-a-positive-image-of-yourself\"><strong>#2: Present a Positive Image of Yourself<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Be conscious of revealing your flaws. Many people assume that they can make themselves appear more endearing by throwing in self-effacing remarks. However, Lowndes argues, this tactic produces different effects depending on your professional or social status.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>If you&#8217;re higher in status (for example, if you\u2019re talking to your employee), this tactic <em>can<\/em> humanize you and put the other person at ease.&nbsp;<\/li><li>On the other hand, if you\u2019re lower in status (for example, if you\u2019re talking to the CEO of a company you want to work for), this tactic reduces your credibility because your conversation partner doesn\u2019t know you well enough to put your flaws in context.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Therefore, Lowndes argues, you should think carefully about your status and how positively or negatively others will perceive you before resorting to this common tactic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-maintain-a-positive-image-of-them\"><strong>#3: Maintain a Positive Image of Them<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Focus your attention only on the good things about them. Don\u2019t put them down or make jokes at their expense. Likewise, don\u2019t <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/grab-attention\/\">draw attention<\/a> to their faults\u2014for example, if they fumble in some way or say something inappropriate. Instead, do your best to make them feel comfortable and accepted for who they are. According to Lowndes, the more you focus on their good qualities, the more they\u2019ll appreciate you for seeing the best in them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One way to put this into practice is to give genuine compliments. Think about what you\u2019re learning about them and what they seem to care about and use complimentary statements to uplift them. This will make them feel appreciated and will encourage them to continue talking. For example, if they\u2019ve been discussing parenthood, say something like, \u201cWell, it sounds like your children are lucky to have you.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-4-foster-empathy-using-mirroring\"><strong>#4: Foster Empathy Using Mirroring<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Lowndes, people feel more comfortable revealing the truth about themselves to those who seem to be just like them\u2014those who share similar traits, interests, and values.&nbsp;She suggests that you can encourage people to believe that you\u2019re just like them by adopting the following four tactics.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Tactic #1: Match Their Mood. <\/strong>Show that you empathize with their emotions by tuning into their mood and matching their tone and pace. This will make them feel like you\u2019re on the same wavelength as them. For example, if they talk quickly because they\u2019re excited about something, try to maintain that high when you speak.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Tactic #2: Repeat Their Words Back to Them.<\/strong> Listen to the specific words they use and echo them back when it\u2019s your turn to speak. Finding ways to incorporate their vocabulary into what you say will make them believe you share their values and think like them.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Tactic #3: Make Supportive Statements.<\/strong> Show that you understand what they\u2019re feeling by using short empathetic statements that match the senses they use to express them. For example, if they talk about how they saw something, you could say, \u201cI see what you mean.\u201d If they talk about how they felt about something, you could say, \u201cI understand how you feel.\u201d These short sentences will make them believe that you interpret the world in the same way that they do and will encourage them to continue. Additionally, this tactic helps to keep the conversation flowing if you find yourself at a loss for words.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Tactic #4: Use \u201cWe,\u201d \u201cUs,\u201d and \u201cOur\u201d to Imply Friendship.<\/strong> Create a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/sense-of-connectedness\/\">feeling of connection<\/a> and intimacy by using language that presupposes that you\u2019re already friends. When people are in a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-people-closest-to-you\/\">close relationship<\/a>, they automatically refer to themselves with words that unite them, such as \u201cwe\u201d and \u201cus.\u201d Using these words tricks others into believing that you\u2019re already friends. For example, instead of saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to find some food,\u201d say, \u201cShall <em>we<\/em> find some food?\u201d<\/li><\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you want to learn how to have a deep conversation with anyone? How can you move beyond superficial topics and talk about things that are more personal and profound? If you want to move beyond superficial conversations, you\u2019re going to have to build an emotional connection with your conversation partner. To put it simply, emotional connection is when people trust each other enough to reveal more about themselves\u2014who they are and how they really feel about things. It\u2019s at this stage that conversations move from being superficial to being meaningful. She suggests four techniques to help build trust so<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":31679,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12],"tags":[620],"class_list":["post-66800","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","tag-how-to-talk-to-anyone","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Have a Deep Conversation With Someone - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"How do you have a deep conversation with someone? Communications expert Leil Lowndes offers four ways to move beyond superficial topics.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-have-a-deep-conversation\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Have a Deep Conversation With Someone\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"How do you have a deep conversation with someone? Communications expert Leil Lowndes offers four ways to move beyond superficial topics.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-have-a-deep-conversation\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-05-14T16:33:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-05-25T17:20:45+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/conversation-work-colleagues.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1920\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1080\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-have-a-deep-conversation\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-have-a-deep-conversation\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"How to Have a Deep Conversation With Someone\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-05-14T16:33:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-05-25T17:20:45+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-have-a-deep-conversation\/\"},\"wordCount\":932,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-have-a-deep-conversation\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/conversation-work-colleagues.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"How to Talk to Anyone\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Communication\",\"Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-have-a-deep-conversation\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-have-a-deep-conversation\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-have-a-deep-conversation\/\",\"name\":\"How to Have a Deep Conversation With Someone - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-have-a-deep-conversation\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-have-a-deep-conversation\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/conversation-work-colleagues.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-05-14T16:33:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-05-25T17:20:45+00:00\",\"description\":\"How do you have a deep conversation with someone? 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