{"id":66716,"date":"2022-05-23T09:46:00","date_gmt":"2022-05-23T13:46:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=66716"},"modified":"2022-05-25T13:20:28","modified_gmt":"2022-05-25T17:20:28","slug":"how-to-be-more-approachable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-be-more-approachable\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Be More Approachable: 5 Foolproof Techniques"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do you consider yourself an approachable person? Do strangers often come up to you to strike a conversation? What are some things you can do to appear more approachable? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Being approachable can really change the game when it comes to your social life. If you appear approachable, more people will come up to you, leading to new friends, romantic encounters, and even professional opportunities. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here&#8217;s how to be more approachable and appealing, according to communications expert Leil Lowndes.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-appear-approachable-and-likable\"><strong>How to Appear Approachable and Likable<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Lowndes argues that in Western society, people instinctively know how to distinguish between nonverbal \u201cI like you\u201d signals and \u201cGet away from me\u201d signals. People gravitate toward those who appear to like them. Therefore, you can appear more approachable by becoming conscious of the signals your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/body-language-crucial-conversations\/\">body language<\/a> is sending and making sure they\u2019re saying, \u201cI like you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: As Lowndes says, her advice focuses solely on how Western society interprets body language. <a href=\"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/blog\/cultural-differences-in-body-language\">Nonverbal signals vary greatly across countries<\/a> so it\u2019s definitely worth researching them if you\u2019re planning to engage with other cultures. For example, in America the thumbs-up sign is an indicator of agreement or a job well done. However, in Greece or the Middle East, it\u2019s akin to using the middle finger.)&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lowndes decodes this silent language and explains how to be more approachable through the following five techniques.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-technique-1-stand-tall\">Technique #1: Stand Tall<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Lowndes, people interpret poor posture as an unwelcoming signal. Trying to minimize your physical presence by slumping implies that you\u2019re insecure or ashamed and don\u2019t want to be approached.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>On the other hand, people interpret good posture as a welcoming signal because it implies that you\u2019re proud and confident and have nothing to hide. This tricks them into assuming that you\u2019re an accomplished person who deserves their attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Research reveals that, in addition to making you <em>appear<\/em> more approachable, <a href=\"https:\/\/thebestbrainpossible.com\/posture-mood-brain-emotions\/\">good posture makes you <em>feel<\/em> happier and more confident<\/a>. Good posture increases levels of testosterone and decreases stress hormones, such as cortisol. These hormone changes make you feel more energetic and confident, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-boost-self-esteem\/\">increase your self-esteem<\/a>, and lessen any social anxiety you feel. On the other hand, poor posture decreases your levels of testosterone and increases your cortisol levels. These hormone changes make you feel more fearful, sad, lonely, and sluggish\u2014thus increasing your feelings of social anxiety.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-technique-2-relax-and-remove-physical-barriers\">Technique #2: Relax and Remove Physical Barriers<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Lowndes claims that people interpret fidgeting and guarded movements as insincerity because they make you look suspicious and defensive:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Fidgety movements, such as shuffling your feet or touching your face, come across as signs of discomfort, tension, or distraction.&nbsp;<\/li><li>Guarded movements, such as folding your arms or clutching something in front of your body, also convey discomfort. Additionally, they give the impression that you\u2019re placing barriers between yourself and other people.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>On the other hand, Lowndes argues, people interpret a relaxed and open stance as a sign of an honest and welcoming personality because it signals that you\u2019re calm, unafraid of appearing vulnerable (because you have nothing to hide), and approachable. To come across as calm, self-assured, and trustworthy, practice keeping your arms loosely by your sides with your palms and wrists faced upwards. If you\u2019re approached by people you want to talk to, turn your body totally towards them to show them they\u2019ve got your full attention\u2014this implies that you\u2019re happy to be in their company and puts them at ease.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Why keep your palms and wrists faced upwards? According to psychologists, primitive <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/protective-instinct\/\">survival instincts<\/a> lead you to <em>unconsciously<\/em> perceive closed or hidden palms as a sign of danger\u2014if you can\u2019t see someone\u2019s hands, you don\u2019t know if they\u2019re holding a weapon. In addition to the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/approachable-body-language\/\">open body language<\/a> Lowndes describes, you can reduce uncertainty about your intentions by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cnbc.com\/2018\/08\/07\/5-simple-body-language-tricks-to-build-trust-with-anyone.html\">tilting your head to one side<\/a>. Exposing your neck\u2014one of the most vulnerable areas of your body\u2014signals that you\u2019re very comfortable around others and have no intention of causing harm.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-technique-3-delay-your-smiles-and-maintain-eye-contact\">Technique #3: Delay Your Smiles and Maintain Eye Contact<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Lowndes, people don\u2019t respond warmly to quick, instinctive smiles because they interpret them as impersonal\u2014they assume that you\u2019re flashing that smile at anyone you come across. This impels them to respond in kind, by acting detached or distant.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Another behavior that puts people off, Lowndes argues, is a lack of eye contact. Others interpret it as a sign that you\u2019re either distracted or uncomfortable, and this makes it difficult for them to form an emotional connection with you.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To get a warm response, Lowndes suggests that you avoid your instinct to flash a quick smile at anyone you meet. Instead, look the recipient in the eyes, pause briefly, and then let out a big warm smile while maintaining eye contact. The delay will convince recipients that you\u2019re smiling just for them and they\u2019ll instantly feel like you\u2019re happy to meet them. As you continue your conversation, attempt to maintain a comfortable amount of eye contact to convince them that you\u2019re interested in what they have to say.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-technique-4-pretend-you-re-already-close-friends\">Technique #4: Pretend You\u2019re Already Close Friends<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Lowndes suggests a way to automatically trick your body into sending positive signals: Pretend that you\u2019re already close friends with the people you want to talk to. She argues that you only feel\u2014and broadcast\u2014discomfort when you\u2019re feeling unsure about how others will respond to you. However, when you imagine that you\u2019re already close friends, you remove this uncertainty and automatically feel more relaxed and comfortable around others.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Lowndes, pretending to like others feels so good that it eventually turns into genuine affection. While you\u2019re initially only pretending to like them, you\u2019re sending signals that put them at ease\u2014encouraging them to like you and respond warmly to you. This makes you want to like them, resulting in a genuinely comfortable and enjoyable interaction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-technique-5-hold-their-gaze-to-encourage-attraction\">Technique #5: Hold Their Gaze to Encourage Attraction<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>If you\u2019re attracted to someone, instead of playing coy, hold their gaze for as long as possible.<\/strong> Lowndes argues that strong eye contact is more likely to invite a positive response because it makes the recipient feel like she\u2019s captivated you. Your obvious interest in her triggers a nervous, biological response that\u2019s similar to what happens when people fall in love: It increases her heartbeat and pumps adrenaline into her bloodstream. Because she\u2019s not conscious of why she\u2019s experiencing this nervous physical reaction, she interprets it as a sign of mutual attraction and intimacy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To encourage attraction, maintain eye contact with your recipient even when others in your group are speaking. If you must look away, do so slowly and reluctantly\u2014as if you\u2019re so enthralled that you can\u2019t look away. To make it less intense, let your eyes bounce between your recipient and back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lowndes warns that intense eye contact should be used with caution. If your intended recipient has already decided that she\u2019s not attracted to you, she\u2019ll interpret your attention as arrogance and won\u2019t respond well. (Shortform note: Additionally, research shows that <a href=\"https:\/\/psychopathicwritings.com\/2011\/06\/truth-or-myth-psychopathic-stare-part-5.html\">maintaining eye contact with <em>too much<\/em> intensity makes you come across as a psychopath<\/a>.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you consider yourself an approachable person? Do strangers often come up to you to strike a conversation? What are some things you can do to appear more approachable? Being approachable can really change the game when it comes to your social life. If you appear approachable, more people will come up to you, leading to new friends, romantic encounters, and even professional opportunities. Here&#8217;s how to be more approachable and appealing, according to communications expert Leil Lowndes.&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":38222,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9,12],"tags":[620],"class_list":["post-66716","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-how-to-talk-to-anyone","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Be More Approachable: 5 Foolproof Techniques - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Being approachable can lead to new friends, romantic encounters, and even professional opportunities. 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