{"id":66657,"date":"2022-05-19T12:43:00","date_gmt":"2022-05-19T16:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=66657"},"modified":"2022-05-23T16:15:32","modified_gmt":"2022-05-23T20:15:32","slug":"how-to-be-a-good-human-being","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-be-a-good-human-being\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Be a Good Human Being &#038; Why It&#8217;s Not Enough"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Are you afraid you don&#8217;t know how to be a good human being? Why is being good not enough?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Being a good person is more than just being helpful and kind to others. As stated in his book <em>Relentless<\/em>, Tim Grover thinks that in the context of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/develop-yourself\/\">improving yourself<\/a>, being good doesn&#8217;t cut it\u2014you have to be great or unstoppable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Nonetheless, it&#8217;s important to learn how to be a good human being to improve. Here&#8217;s what Grover defines as &#8220;good,&#8221; and why you shouldn&#8217;t stop there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-defining-a-good-human-being\"><strong>Defining a Good Human Being<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>What is the first step in learning how to be a good human being? A good person, according to Grover, is rarely or never relentless due to a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-overcome-fear-of-failure\/\">fear of failure<\/a>. This fear prevents a good person from fully committing to a task\u2014therefore preventing them from relentlessly <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/chasing-success\/\">pursuing success<\/a>. Because of this, they can be good at what they do but will never be the best or even great.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Seth Godin (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/purple-cow\"><em>Purple Cow<\/em><\/a>) agrees with Grover that fear of failure prevents success, and offers further explanation as to why this happens. Godin argues that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/purple-cow\/chapter-5#bovinophobia-fear-of-cows\">being afraid will hold you back from taking risks<\/a>\u2014which is essential for success because it helps you stand out from everyone else who\u2019s playing it safe. This makes other people more likely to remember you and offer you opportunities. Therefore, since fear of failure prevents risks it also prevents success.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Grover offers two ways that fear of failure and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/lack-of-commitment-in-a-team\/\">lack of commitment<\/a> prevent a good person from succeeding.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-the-good-can-t-take-initiative\"><strong>1) The Good Can\u2019t Take Initiative<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Fear of failure makes a good human being unable to take initiative\u2014even when they know exactly what they <em>should<\/em> do\u2014because they fear making a mistake if they do. Instead of taking initiative, the good people tend towards two behaviors:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Providing support: <\/strong>Because they are followers, good people focus on<strong> <\/strong>helping and encouraging others to succeed above themselves. This way, they can still be a part of the team without having to step up and face their fear of taking charge.<\/li><li><strong>Mediating conflict: <\/strong>good people will<strong> <\/strong>avoid taking sides<strong> <\/strong>when a conflict arises because they are afraid of being wrong. Instead, they\u2019ll try to work with both sides to mediate. &nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>The Good Must <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/focusing-on-others\/\">Focus on Others<\/a><\/strong><br><br>You might think that Grover is criticizing the ability to support and mediate because he associates them with what he defines as good. However, remember that Grover says you can approach <em>any<\/em> skill with a relentless mindset\u2014including those two abilities.&nbsp;As an example, there are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncrconline.com\/mediation-conflict-resolution\/\">careers and organizations available for professional mediators<\/a>\u2014a profession in which one could pursue <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nvc-conflict-resolution\/\">conflict resolution<\/a> relentlessly.<br><br>For clarity, it might help to consider Grover\u2019s explanation of what makes someone good from this perspective: Doing these things doesn\u2019t make you Good\u2014<em>having<\/em> to do those things does. You can apply this perspective to both examples: good people have to provide support because their fear prevents them from taking charge, and good people have to mediate conflict because they don\u2019t want to take sides for fear of being wrong.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-the-good-freeze-up-under-pressure\"><strong>2) The Good Freeze Up Under Pressure<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Grover explains that to be a good human being also means freezing up under pressure. Pressure causes someone good to focus on the possibility of failure instead of on what they\u2019re trying to accomplish\u2014in other words, <strong>they\u2019ll freeze up because they overthink what they\u2019re doing.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, a good dancer is in a competition. They\u2019ve practiced extensively, and have natural talent. However, once they\u2019re about to start, they worry they won\u2019t be able to pull off the backflip at the end of their routine. They try to remember all of the advice their teachers, mentors, and peers gave them about backflips. Now they have a ton of information and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/overcoming-self-doubt\/\">self-doubt<\/a> in their mind taking their focus away from the actual dancing, and their performance suffers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Psychologist Sian Beilock agrees with Grover\u2019s argument that overthinking leads to paralysis in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.simonandschuster.com\/books\/Choke\/Sian-Beilock\/9781416596189\"><em>Choke<\/em><\/a>, and offers a psychological explanation for why this is true. Beilock argues that once you learn to perform a task, your brain approaches that task without needing to think through each of its individual steps. However, <strong>overthinking makes you go back to consciously thinking through each step<\/strong> like a beginner would. This shift in approach confuses your brain, causing you to freeze up and fail to perform.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you afraid you don&#8217;t know how to be a good human being? Why is being good not enough? Being a good person is more than just being helpful and kind to others. As stated in his book Relentless, Tim Grover thinks that in the context of improving yourself, being good doesn&#8217;t cut it\u2014you have to be great or unstoppable. Nonetheless, it&#8217;s important to learn how to be a good human being to improve. Here&#8217;s what Grover defines as &#8220;good,&#8221; and why you shouldn&#8217;t stop there.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":14996,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,9,43],"tags":[619],"class_list":["post-66657","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-motivation","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-relentless","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Be a Good Human Being &amp; Why It&#039;s Not Enough - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Is learning how to be a good human being enough to achieve your goals? 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