{"id":64086,"date":"2022-04-13T17:48:38","date_gmt":"2022-04-13T21:48:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=64086"},"modified":"2022-04-22T09:40:57","modified_gmt":"2022-04-22T13:40:57","slug":"how-to-set-personal-goals","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-set-personal-goals\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Set Personal Goals (12 Rules for Life)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do you set goals for yourself? What\u2019s the key to setting effective personal goals?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Jordan Peterson, you should set your goals based on who you want to become, not who other people are. He argues that, if you compare yourself to other people, you\u2019re using an unfairly harsh standard.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>With this in mind, here\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-set-goals-for-yourself\/\">how to set personal goals<\/a>, according to Peterson.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-set-personal-goals\">How to Set Personal Goals<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead of judging yourself by other people\u2019s yardsticks, you need to learn how to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-set-personal-goals-2\/\">set personal goals<\/a> of your own. You need <strong>a total reworking of your goals<\/strong>, starting with understanding yourself as though you were a stranger. There are three steps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-step-1-take-a-broader-view-of-your-existence-and-of-other-people\">Step 1: Take a broader view of your existence and of other people.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>You\u2019ve likely identified a single, arbitrary dimension as THE single most important thing to achieve &#8211; like money, fame, or status &#8211; and you feel miserable that you don\u2019t have it.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But your existence is <strong>multidimensional<\/strong>. You have a lot of components to your existence &#8211; family, friends, personal projects, hobbies. <strong>Judge your success across all the games you play. <\/strong>Your existence is so unique and customized to you, that you can\u2019t easily compare yourself to any other individual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Furthermore, there isn\u2019t a binary condition of \u201csuccess\u201d vs \u201cfailure.\u201d There are many gradations in between. <strong>What matters is whether you can get better, not whether you can achieve binary success.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, you\u2019re likely only seeing the highlight reel from other people. They don\u2019t expose their deep problems and failing. <strong>You\u2019re likely overvaluing what you don\u2019t have and undervaluing what you do. <\/strong>Even the very people you envy might secretly envy you, in ways you\u2019re not aware.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-step-2-drill-deeply-into-your-discontent-and-understand-yourself\">Step 2: Drill deeply into your discontent and understand yourself.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The first absolute requirement: <strong>you need to genuinely want your life to improve. <\/strong>You can\u2019t fool yourself. If you don\u2019t want this, you won\u2019t be able to improve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>(Shortform suggestion: If you\u2019re stuck here, then think more about why you don\u2019t want to improve. Recall from Rule 2 that you might have self-loathing and believe you don\u2019t deserve to improve. If so, treat yourself like you would another person, and be lighter in your judgment of yourself.)<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Next, you\u2019re likely discontent about not having something (like money, a particular job, an achievement). Drill into your discontent and transform it. <strong>What do you want? <\/strong><strong><em>Why<\/em><\/strong><strong> do you feel this way?<\/strong> (Shortform suggestion: Keep asking why until you can\u2019t answer it anymore. Then you\u2019ll hit the foundation of why you feel this way.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As you question yourself, you may realize that there are multiple conflicting desires at play. List them all out, realize the conflict between them, then prioritize them into a list.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Is the subject of your discontent within your control? If not, look somewhere else. Find something you can fix.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You may find some of your desires to be rooted in bitterness and resentment. How do you transform your goal so that you remove bitterness and resentment? What if you didn\u2019t have to improve yourself at other people\u2019s expense? What if you could achieve your goal, while also making your friends, even your enemies happier?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, realize you may have to give up old goals to find a new direction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: These are abstract pointers, so let\u2019s work through an example in more detail than the book does. Say you really want your boss\u2019s job. You\u2019re miserable day to day because you can\u2019t stand to see your incompetent boss doing a job that should be yours. You believe that if only you got your boss\u2019s job, you\u2019d be happy forever.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then keep asking why you want your boss\u2019s job. You may find a surprising variety of desires at play:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>You want better status. Why?<ul><li>Because you enjoy when other people see you with higher social status.<\/li><\/ul><\/li><li>You want to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/make-more-money\/\">make more money<\/a>. Why?<ul><li>Because it allows you to better take care of your family.<\/li><li>Because money is the yardstick by which you measure people\u2019s value.<\/li><\/ul><\/li><li>You want fairness. More capable people should be rewarded accordingly, and it\u2019s unfair for less deserving people to get more.<\/li><li>You want to do good work with higher responsibility. Why?<ul><li>Because you want to serve the world, and having a higher title lets you accomplish more.<\/li><\/ul><\/li><li>You dislike your boss as a person. You want to see him fail in return for all that he\u2019s taken from you.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s a lot of desires, and it\u2019s much more complicated than \u201cI want my boss\u2019s job.\u201d You can only produce a list like this by thinking deeply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now that you\u2019ve listed them, you can then prioritize which ones are most important to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then you can notice the conflicts between them:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>You want to serve the world, and you see yourself as a good person. But at the same time, you want to see your boss fail. Could you define a new goal, that allows you to avoid this bitterness?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, what can you do to achieve your most important desires?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>If getting your boss\u2019s job is within your control and you still desire it, how could you do so?<\/li><li>If not, how could you achieve all your other goals another way? Maybe by applying to a new role within the company, or a new job?&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>While Peterson doesn\u2019t go into his example anywhere near this length, we believe it correctly applies his thinking.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While you do this exercise, realize that you\u2019re blind and can\u2019t see yourself honestly. <strong>You\u2019re blind to what goals you really want because you\u2019re focusing on something very narrow. <\/strong>You\u2019ve obsessed over a narrow goal for a long time, so it\u2019ll take an adjustment period to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-look-at-the-bigger-picture\/\">see the bigger picture<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>In general, you can\u2019t even understand fully how your brain works, since it\u2019s been shaped by millions of years of development that you\u2019re not aware of.<\/li><li>Analogy to vision: our retinas have a narrow central section with high acuity (the fovea) &#8211; everything else is blurred. Similarly in life, you\u2019re focusing on something very narrow and ignoring everything else of value.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-step-3-transform-your-goal-into-something-achievable\">Step 3: Transform your goal into something achievable.&nbsp;<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>You might have big goals, and that\u2019s good. But break it down to something tractable you can do today. Then you\u2019ll start building ever upwards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Aim small, then grow your ambition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>What one thing in your life can you fix right now?<\/strong><\/li><li>Let things in your life at the end of the day be a little better than they were this morning.<\/li><li>Do that for a month, then three months, then three years, and now you\u2019re aiming for the stars.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Negotiate with yourself and honor your commitments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Pretend you\u2019re working for your own internal boss. After you finish, the boss complains it\u2019s not good enough and asks for 10x the work. Would you work for a tyrant like this?<\/li><li>No &#8211; make yourself a deal (eg reward for doing something), and feel good about it after you finish.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Continue to pay attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Once you start looking at your new goal, you\u2019ll start seeing new things you were blind to before &#8211; new information, opportunities.<\/li><\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you set goals for yourself? What\u2019s the key to setting effective personal goals?&nbsp; According to Jordan Peterson, you should set your goals based on who you want to become, not who other people are. He argues that, if you compare yourself to other people, you\u2019re using an unfairly harsh standard.\u00a0 With this in mind, here\u2019s how to set personal goals, according to Peterson.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":64091,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,42,43],"tags":[41],"class_list":["post-64086","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-career","category-motivation","category-self-improvement","tag-12-rules-for-life","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Set Personal Goals (12 Rules for Life) - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you feel like a loser compared to everyone else? 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