{"id":63551,"date":"2022-03-21T08:24:00","date_gmt":"2022-03-21T12:24:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=63551"},"modified":"2022-04-01T10:08:46","modified_gmt":"2022-04-01T14:08:46","slug":"unconditional-self-acceptance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/unconditional-self-acceptance\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Cultivate Unconditional Self-Acceptance"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What does it mean to “accept yourself”? Why is it important to accept yourself unconditionally, including the parts of yourself<\/a> you’d wish to change?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Self-acceptance means embracing all parts of yourself unconditionally, even the things you wish you could change. It’s important to accept all aspects of yourself, no matter how much you don’t like them\u2014selective self-acceptance only exaggerates the focus on your flaws and makes it harder to accept yourself as you are<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here’s why it’s so important to cultivate unconditional self-acceptance and some ideas on how to go about doing that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Accept Who You Are and Figure Out What Makes You Happy<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Instead of chasing<\/em> validation, focus on feeling<\/em> happiness<\/strong>. Free yourself from the need for validation by accepting who you are<\/a> and what you<\/em> need to feel happy. Pasricha argues that this shift in thinking encourages a cycle of happiness: Self-acceptance inspires you to align your behaviors and decisions with what makes you happy<\/a>. This alignment encourages positive self-judgment and influences you to make decisions that further increase your happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Furthermore, the more you encourage positive self-judgment and engage in things that make you happy, the less time you waste thinking about how others perceive you. This helps you accept yourself exactly as you are and frees you from the pressure of adapting to please or impress others. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Pasricha, this increases your happiness in two ways: First, placing less weight on what others think of you decreases insecurity and self-consciousness and increases self-confidence. Second, because you\u2019re not projecting a false image of yourself or hiding behind achievements, you feel comfortable knowing that people appreciate you for who you are<\/a>, not who you\u2019re pretending to be. This naturally improves your self-judgment, allows you to relax and enjoy being yourself<\/em>, and encourages you to make decisions that continue to fuel your happiness.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Self-Acceptance Improves Self-Judgment and Happiness<\/strong>

Unconditional self-acceptance improves your self-judgment and boosts happiness<\/a> in two ways: First, when you accept yourself as you are, you\u2019re less inclined to seek acceptance or validation from others<\/a> by masking unwanted aspects of yourself. Second, it allows you to separate individual achievements and mistakes from your overall self-opinion\u2014meaning that your self-judgment (and resulting happiness) doesn\u2019t fluctuate according to individual experiences.

Unconditional<\/em> self-acceptance is important because partial <\/em>self-acceptance magnifies the importance of unwanted flaws, increases self-consciousness and self-judgment based on individual experiences, and makes it difficult to feel happy with yourself as you are.

For example, you might wish that you felt more confident interacting with others. Not<\/em> accepting this part of yourself makes you feel more self-conscious about how confident you appear<\/em>\u2014you judge yourself according to how well you perform in individual interactions. After confident interactions, you feel good about yourself<\/a> and you feel happy. After unconfident interactions, you feel bad about yourself, uncomfortable about this part of yourself, and unhappy. This leads you to conclude that your unconfidence is the cause<\/em> of your unhappiness and it impels you to reject<\/em> this aspect of yourself\u2014for example, by projecting a false image of confidence. 

On the other hand, unconditional self-acceptance keeps your self-judgment consistent regardless of how confident you feel in each interaction. You\u2019ve already accepted yourself, so you don\u2019t look to others to decide how you should feel about yourself. As a result, you don\u2019t feel impelled to mask any aspects of yourself and find it easier to maintain a feeling of happiness regardless of your \u201cfaults\u201d or what others might think of you.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Pursue Enjoyable Activities to Practice Self-Acceptance<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Pasricha suggests practicing self-acceptance<\/a> and figuring out what makes you happy by considering what activities you do purely for enjoyment. From there, increase your happiness by brainstorming<\/a> additional ways to pursue these activities in different contexts or with different people. For example, if you enjoy writing, start a blog or join a writing group to create more opportunities to experience happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Gretchen Rubin (The Happiness Project<\/em><\/a>) offers an interesting way to expand upon Pasricha\u2019s method. After pinpointing experiences that you most enjoy, set an ambitious goal that requires you to actively focus on these activities to succeed<\/a>. Having a clear goal will help you prioritize the way you spend your time and create more opportunities for similar uplifting experiences. For example, Rubin\u2019s love of writing inspired her to set the ambitious goal of completing a 50,000-word novel in one month. Her work on this goal led to a number of opportunities that now allow her to pursue writing as a full-time career.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Practice Self-Acceptance<\/a><\/strong>

In The Power of Vulnerability<\/em><\/a>, Bren\u00e9 Brown expands on Pasricha\u2019s ideas about self-acceptance by suggesting three ways to focus more on what makes you happy and less on what others think of you. 

Let go of other people\u2019s expectations:<\/strong> Be willing to say no to things you don\u2019t want to do without considering what others think of you. For example, say no to social invitations without worrying that your friends will feel hurt or upset by your absence. 

Choose to focus on self-compassion<\/a> instead of perfectionism:<\/strong> Make the conscious effort to be kind to yourself<\/a> more often, particularly when you judge yourself for making mistakes or acting inappropriately. For example, if you routinely obsess over conversations you\u2019ve had with others, stop this self-analysis and instead do something that enhances your sense of well-being, like reading a good book.

Detach yourself from self-doubt<\/a> by focusing on what you care about<\/a>:<\/strong> Think about what\u2019s important to you and invest more time in it. The more you focus on what\u2019s satisfying to you, the less attention you\u2019ll give to thoughts that undermine your sense of self-worth<\/a>.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What does it mean to “accept yourself”? Why is it important to accept yourself unconditionally, including the parts of yourself you’d wish to change? Self-acceptance means embracing all parts of yourself unconditionally, even the things you wish you could change. It’s important to accept all aspects of yourself, no matter how much you don’t like them\u2014selective self-acceptance only exaggerates the focus on your flaws and makes it harder to accept yourself as you are. Here’s why it’s so important to cultivate unconditional self-acceptance and some ideas on how to go about doing that.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":47986,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43],"tags":[596],"class_list":["post-63551","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-the-happiness-equation","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Cultivate Unconditional Self-Acceptance - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Self-acceptance means embracing ALL parts of yourself unconditionally. Here's why it's so important to accept yourself wholly. 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