{"id":63542,"date":"2022-03-20T08:21:00","date_gmt":"2022-03-20T12:21:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=63542"},"modified":"2022-04-01T10:08:48","modified_gmt":"2022-04-01T14:08:48","slug":"looking-for-happiness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/looking-for-happiness\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop Looking for Happiness Outside Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/tal-ben-shahar-happiness\/\">true happiness<\/a> be found externally? Why do they say that &#8220;happiness comes from within&#8221;?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Basing happiness on circumstances prevents you from feeling happy. Life\u2019s full of problems and challenges\u2014circumstances are rarely exactly how you want them to be, no matter how hard you try to force them into place. Therefore, there\u2019s always an excuse not to be happy.\u00a0But unwanted experiences aren\u2019t to blame for your misery\u2014looking for happiness outside of yourself is. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here&#8217;s why relying on external circumstances won&#8217;t make you happy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-relying-on-external-circumstances-to-make-you-happy\"><strong>Relying on External Circumstances to Make You Happy<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Looking for happiness externally prevents you from finding it. Though unwanted circumstances appear to justify your unhappiness, happiness isn\u2019t linked to circumstances <em>themselves<\/em>\u2014rather, it\u2019s linked to how you think about them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-power-of-positive-thinking\"><em>The Power of Positive Thinking<\/em><\/a>, Norman Vincent Peale takes this idea one step further\u2014he claims that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-power-of-positive-thinking#we-create-our-own-obstacles\">unwanted circumstances aren\u2019t only a <em>cause<\/em> of negative thoughts, but are also a <em>result<\/em> of negative thoughts<\/a>. He explains that your thoughts about a circumstance determine how you react to it. This reaction\u2014positive or negative\u2014shapes how subsequent circumstances play out. For example, consider how your thoughts during an argument shape what happens next. When you think negatively, you feel wronged and react defensively or aggressively, exacerbating the conflict. On the other hand, thinking positively leads to more rational reactions that help to resolve the conflict.)&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This suggests a simple solution: Think about your circumstances positively. However, though you may <em>know<\/em> you\u2019ll feel better about unwanted experiences if you think positively, you\u2019re more likely to think negative thoughts and make yourself feel worse. According to Pasricha, this inclination to think negatively is due to evolution: To ensure survival, your ancestors had to constantly stay alert to danger and think about food and shelter. <strong>Letting their guard down and enjoying themselves made them vulnerable<\/strong> to predators and competitors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Hundreds of years on, you\u2019re living a lot more comfortably, but your instinct to avoid danger <em>hasn\u2019t <\/em>evolved. However, instead of protecting you from threats to your survival, this instinct now encourages you to focus on \u201cthreats\u201d such as what you don\u2019t have and what needs to improve. This negative focus convinces you that you have endless reasons to feel unhappy.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-negativity-bias-influences-perceptions-emotions-and-long-term-memory\"><strong>The Negativity Bias Influences Perceptions, Emotions, and Long-Term Memory<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Research backs up Pasricha\u2019s claim that we\u2019re hard-wired to think negatively and offers additional insights into how this instinct affects our perceptions, emotions, and long-term memory.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Psychologists refer to the tendency to notice and dwell on negative experiences as the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.verywellmind.com\/negative-bias-4589618\">Negativity Bias<\/a>. They explain that this bias causes negative experiences to have a greater emotional impact on you than positive ones. Subsequently, negative events create a strong and vivid impression in your long-term memory\u2014you\u2019re more likely to notice, react to, and remember:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8211; Criticism more than praise<br>&#8211; Sad memories more than happy memoriesBad news more than good news- Your mistakes more than your successes<br>&#8211; Negative traits in others more than their positive traits&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As Pasricha argues, this negative focus prevents you from noticing things that are going well and provides \u201cevidence\u201d that you have reasons to feel unhappy. Even though this tendency is a result of evolution, psychologists agree that <a href=\"https:\/\/positivepsychology.com\/3-steps-negativity-bias\/\">you can make the conscious decision to bypass it, evolve your thinking, and adopt a more positive approach to life<\/a>, thus overcoming your reliance on circumstances being a specific way to feel happy.&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Can true happiness be found externally? Why do they say that &#8220;happiness comes from within&#8221;? Basing happiness on circumstances prevents you from feeling happy. Life\u2019s full of problems and challenges\u2014circumstances are rarely exactly how you want them to be, no matter how hard you try to force them into place. Therefore, there\u2019s always an excuse not to be happy.\u00a0But unwanted experiences aren\u2019t to blame for your misery\u2014looking for happiness outside of yourself is. Here&#8217;s why relying on external circumstances won&#8217;t make you happy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":18633,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43],"tags":[596],"class_list":["post-63542","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-the-happiness-equation","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Stop Looking for Happiness Outside Yourself - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Looking for happiness outside of yourself prevents you from finding it. 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Here&#039;s why relying on external circumstances won&#039;t make you happy.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/looking-for-happiness\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-03-20T12:21:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-04-01T14:08:48+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/finding-meaning-in-life-search-for-meaning-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1707\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/looking-for-happiness\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/looking-for-happiness\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"Stop Looking for Happiness Outside Yourself\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-03-20T12:21:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-04-01T14:08:48+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/looking-for-happiness\/\"},\"wordCount\":595,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/looking-for-happiness\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/finding-meaning-in-life-search-for-meaning-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"The Happiness Equation\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Self-Improvement\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/looking-for-happiness\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/looking-for-happiness\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/looking-for-happiness\/\",\"name\":\"Stop Looking for Happiness Outside Yourself - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/looking-for-happiness\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/looking-for-happiness\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/finding-meaning-in-life-search-for-meaning-scaled.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-03-20T12:21:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-04-01T14:08:48+00:00\",\"description\":\"Looking for happiness outside of yourself prevents you from finding it. 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