{"id":6058,"date":"2019-12-26T20:05:47","date_gmt":"2019-12-27T00:05:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=6058"},"modified":"2019-12-23T14:55:04","modified_gmt":"2019-12-23T18:55:04","slug":"praising-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/praising-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Praising Children, the Right Way (Most Do It the Wrong Way)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

As parents, we want to praise our kids, but is praising children doing more harm than good?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We’ll cover the negative consequences of praising children and discuss how to praise a child in a way that encourages a growth mindset<\/a> rather than a fixed one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

The Dangers of <\/strong>Praising Children<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

While labeling<\/a> people negatively according to their perceived potential is often inaccurate and can hinder their development, positive labeling<\/a> and <\/strong>praising children can also be detrimental<\/strong>.
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Parents and teachers typically try to build children\u2019s self-confidence by praising their ability, but this can be harmful. Praising their ability sends the message that adults value ability and can determine a child\u2019s ability from his or her performance<\/strong>. This is a fixed mindset<\/a>. Here\u2019s how it plays out.
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Researchers gave early adolescent students ten problems to solve, then praised their performance in two different ways: some students were praised for their ability (\u201cYou must be smart at this\u201d), while another group was praised for their effort (\u201cIt looks like you worked really hard\u201d).
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Praising students for their ability pushed them into a fixed mindset. <\/strong>When offered another difficult task that they could learn from, they rejected it, not wanting to show any cracks in their talent by failing. However, the students who were praised for effort (a growth-minded approach) wanted to take on the new challenge.
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Researchers then gave all the students new problems, on which they didn\u2019t do well. The children praised for ability began feeling like failures \u2014 they\u2019d been told that their earlier success meant they were smart so now they felt stupid. Their performance steadily declined. In contrast, the students who were praised for effort tried harder and their performance continued to improve. 
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What\u2019s more, when asked to write a report on the experience, almost 40 percent of the children praised for their ability lied about their performance. Praising children by telling them they were smart hurt their performance and turned them into liars<\/strong>. 
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Praising Children the Wrong Way Leads to Vulnerability to Opinion<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Besides dealing with stereotyping, many girls and women struggle with others\u2019 opinions in general. The reason is that when girls are young, adults praise them for being cute or perfect, which teaches them to trust others\u2019 opinions of whether they\u2019re good or bad. They carry this trust into adulthood \u2014 even women at top universities say other people\u2019s opinions are a good way to know their abilities. 
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Often, boys are less susceptible to others\u2019 opinions because adults criticize and scold boys more than girls, and many boys are also accustomed to insulting and calling each other names (slob or idiot). Consequently, boys learn to shrug off the opinions of others.
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Next time you\u2019re tempted to label your kids for their ability (artist, musician, athlete), choose a growth-minded way to praise children that focuses on effort and improvement instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Messages about Success: When Praising Children Hurts<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

When children do something well, most parents want to encourage them or build their confidence, but often they\u2019re not helping the way they think they are. What they say is often not how to praise a child the right way. Here\u2019s how many parents respond \u2014 and what their kids hear:<\/p>\n\n\n\n