{"id":58848,"date":"2022-02-11T13:24:45","date_gmt":"2022-02-11T17:24:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=58848"},"modified":"2022-02-17T10:24:35","modified_gmt":"2022-02-17T14:24:35","slug":"eric-berne-games","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eric-berne-games\/","title":{"rendered":"Eric Berne: What Are the “Games” People Play?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What is Eric Berne’s Games People Play<\/em> about? How can you tell someone is playing a game on you? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Games People Play <\/em>is Berne\u2019s 1964 classic about the many ways that we habitually relate to one another through \u201cgames.\u201d<\/em> These aren\u2019t fun, harmless social games, though\u2014they\u2019re subtle, largely unconscious patterns that harm us and our relationships. Berne explains how most of us don\u2019t even notice our games, and how we\u2019re missing out on the fulfillment of game-free living.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn about Berne’s concept of “games” and why we play them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Defining “Games<\/strong>” People Play<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

According to Eric Berne, games are set, stereotypical patterns of interaction.<\/strong> Think of it as an \u201cact\u201d that someone puts on\u2014for example, a husband who regularly explodes, apologizes, then acts<\/em> like it never happened. This pattern can occur across thousands of households, and so can any other game\u2014the same \u201cacts\u201d occur in many specific instances throughout a population.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this way, games are almost natural<\/em> phenomena. <\/em>They\u2019re <\/em>like migration patterns, or bird mating dances. Berne is simply saying, \u201cLook! Here are all these consistent, identifiable patterns in the fabric of human social exchange,\u201d in the same way an ecologist points out patterns in a forest ecosystem<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Insofar as the approach of science is to find and confirm patterns in the fabric of reality, Berne\u2019s approach here is quite scientific. A 2006 paper in the Transactional Analysis Journal<\/a> argues that Berne was a phenomenologist: He observed patterns across thousands of patients and described what he saw. This contrasts with Freud\u2019s work, which relied heavily on individual case studies<\/a>. But you need a large, representative sample to accurately generalize any psychological phenomenon across a population<\/a>, in order to buffer the effect of outliers that might skew results in a smaller sample size. Freud, however, extrapolated much of his theory from a small set of his patients\u2014which is why much of it isn\u2019t considered empirical.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Games in Plain Language<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

So a game is a natural phenomenon, a pattern. Now let\u2019s look at the characteristics of this kind of pattern. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A game is a habitual way of behaving. Games are social\u2014we play them in our close relationships<\/a>.<\/strong> Each game follows a consistent sequence of \u201cmoves,\u201d aimed toward an (unconsciously) desired outcome. That aim is typically to reinforce an existing stance of yours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this example, try to spot the four aspects mentioned above. This game, called \u201cMr. Vesuvius,\u201d continues the previous example. It goes like this: <\/p>\n\n\n\n