{"id":58844,"date":"2022-02-13T16:06:55","date_gmt":"2022-02-13T20:06:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=58844"},"modified":"2022-02-17T10:38:15","modified_gmt":"2022-02-17T14:38:15","slug":"transactional-analysis-games","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/transactional-analysis-games\/","title":{"rendered":"Transactional Analysis: Games, Exchanges, Ego States"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What is a transaction in the context of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eric-berne-transactional-analysis\/\">Eric Berne&#8217;s Transactional Analysis<\/a>? What are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/three-ego-states-in-transactional-analysis\/\">the three ego states<\/a>? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Transactions&#8221; are Eric Berne\u2019s \u201cbasic unit\u201d of social interaction. We gain social recognition through transactions, and we can analyze transactions by looking at the ego states that are involved (the parent, the adult, and the child).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this article, we&#8217;ll define transactions and cover the main types of games in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-is-transactional-analysis\/\">Transactional Analysis<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-an-exchange-is-one-segment-of-an-interaction\"><strong>An Exchange Is One Segment of an Interaction<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Eric Berne&#8217;s <em>Games People Play<\/em> is a Transactional Analysis of patterns of social interaction. For Berne,<strong> a &#8220;transaction&#8221; is the basic unit of social interaction. Think of it as one back-and-forth between individuals<\/strong>: \u201dSo, how about that weather? \/ Yup, sure is raining.\u201d From here on, we&#8217;ll use <em>exchange<\/em> to refer to a \u201ctransaction\u201d because it\u2019s more descriptive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Berne observes that when two people are together in a social setting, one will inevitably engage the other, and the second will respond. For example, someone sitting next to you in the optometrist&#8217;s waiting room says, &#8220;Hello, what are you here for?&#8221; and you respond, &#8220;Hi, just my yearly check-up. How about you?&#8221; This is one exchange.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Berne receives criticism similar to that of Freud: that many of his ideas aren\u2019t really scientific. But maybe Berne wasn\u2019t trying to \u201cprove\u201d exchanges or transactions are real, so much as he was just describing a phenomenon. Think of \u201cbars\u201d as used in writing music: They aren\u2019t necessarily <em>real<\/em>, but they <em>are <\/em>a useful tool. They enable us to segment musical expression, making it easier to analyze. Exchanges enable us to segment social interaction, making it easier to analyze.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-ego-states-determine-an-exchange-s-type\"><strong>Ego States Determine an Exchange\u2019s Type<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>From here, Berne lays out the types of exchanges. Each person involved in an exchange acts from their parent, child, or adult state. In Berne\u2019s model, the exchange changes type depending on whether the initiator and the responder respect each other\u2019s states.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, chatting with a colleague is a balanced, adult-to-adult exchange.&nbsp;<\/li><li>Or, say your boss gets frustrated with you (her parent to your child) for missing an important deadline, and you respond in fearful submission (your child to her parent)\u2014still balanced.&nbsp;<\/li><li>Now imagine that you\u2019re sick of her, so you talk down to her. This breaks the balance\u2014she spoke as a parent to a child, but then your condescension did the same to her\u2014and disrupts communication.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>There are a few different kinds of exchanges taking place here. We&#8217;ve grouped them into two categories, basic and complex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-basic-exchanges\">Basic Exchanges<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>A<strong> <\/strong>basic <strong>reciprocal exchange<\/strong> is a normal, healthy back-and-forth. The exchange is friendly, follows good manners, and both people fulfill each other\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/need-for-recognition\/\">need for recognition<\/a>. Berne also calls these \u201ccomplementary\u201d exchanges.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Reciprocal exchanges follow parallel lines of communication between states\u2014a parent speaks to a child, and the child speaks back to the parent. Adult to adult, child to child, and so on. A typical T.A. diagram looks like this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/lh4.googleusercontent.com\/QxPL2Y8NPw4vVCX_Hq6-h1hHpFODRCbe_A9IhI4_QThMGOUy0vZpD9pcc4cZZCJ4VcwqfGZm6V9qeb9QzULlqLeuPL9LZu5sI4OVqlkDkmYkWRN5lGHIqoqMnDJ1gvasiGyxf-XF\" alt=\"\" width=\"348\" height=\"338\"\/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>A basic <strong>disrupted exchange<\/strong> occurs when one person loses their cool and responds antagonistically. Anger, fear, annoyance, and so on, can all cause this. If you\u2019re conversing adult-to-adult with a colleague, then accidentally offend them, Berne would say they\u2019ve shifted mind states\u2014probably to child or parent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, say you ask your significant other to do the laundry this time, but they start complaining about how they always have to and really hate it (imagine some pouting, too). You spoke adult to adult, but they responded as a child to your parent, disrupting the parallel lines of communication. Here\u2019s how Berne diagrammed disrupted exchanges:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/lh6.googleusercontent.com\/8x6Uwq4JY0Rpr1Wiam0T6GAdGcrWFkzn1asfXN0iwJEm7EYN3T3348JEv57R4_iYfPQ1XpmBERne4MLJLsdOfLpjJSyulqkvunovwQ4H6dBOi6fI_WbuIIyBpSAiIZWjvskTbe2F\" alt=\"\" width=\"364\" height=\"354\"\/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: <a href=\"https:\/\/executivecoachingconcepts.com\/transactional-analysis-a-model-for-effective-communications\/\">Some businesspeople have used Berne\u2019s transactional model to aid workplace communication<\/a>. And it works independently of psychoanalytic interpretations\u2014just ego states and exchanges are enough to get a handle on where a communication breakdown comes from. <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/crucial-conversations\">Our guide to <em>Crucial Conversations<\/em> teaches how to navigate sensitive topics<\/a> with strategies like creating a safe environment, regulating your emotions, and understanding each other by sharing your stories. This is how, as Berne would say, you can keep communication adult-to-adult: rational, respectful, and balanced.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-complex-exchanges\">Complex Exchanges<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Berne outlines multiple complex exchanges, but they aren\u2019t all relevant to games. We\u2019ve distilled out the one that\u2019s key, which he labels \u201culterior.\u201d We\u2019ll use <em>deceptive<\/em> as a more precise term.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Deceptive Exchanges <\/strong>occur when the initiator has a concealed motive, Berne says. On the surface the exchange looks normal, but on the psychological level it\u2019s dishonest. The initiator tries to manipulate the respondent, consciously or unconsciously, into behaving a certain way.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, a copywriter writes <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-write-advertising-copy\/\">marketing copy<\/a> from their adult state but targets your emotional self\u2014your parent or child. On <strong>the surface level<\/strong>, it looks like an adult making a pitch to an adult. On <strong>the psychological level<\/strong>, the copywriter aims to bypass the rational adult.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/lh4.googleusercontent.com\/ewjdCKrYBxRP9IbdpwNMYSmePfKbnpFkLHNKmanPNNXxCzVtUgcQgQmJOMG3cZGBVClvrtse8Rvb4pWVJrWAr1K_dsrH6hLMGaG0knom6lR8afoe92MB6lHL3t-is_94GrYlP39K\" alt=\"\" width=\"368\" height=\"358\"\/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Outside the realm of one-on-one communication, Berne\u2019s notion of deceptive exchanges seems to map well onto modern propaganda. <a href=\"https:\/\/theconversation.com\/the-hypodermic-effect-how-propaganda-manipulates-our-emotions-94966\">Much of what we see online is based on algorithmic calculation of our preferences<\/a>\u2014of what will pique our emotions. Algorithms present us with personalized advertisements and content that seems like an offering to our adult: It fits our tastes, our values, and so on. But in truth, there\u2019s a concealed motive. It\u2019s all meant to grab our attention and get us to scroll, or to buy something. Recognizing this, and training yourself to notice when an apparently harmless offering may be a deceptive exchange, can help you to reclaim your attention and live a more focused life.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-sequences-of-exchanges-flow-one-to-the-next\"><strong>Sequences of Exchanges Flow One to the Next&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Now that we know the types of exchanges, let\u2019s look at how exchanges work in sequence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Berne, a social interaction is a string of exchanges. Think of this like the links in a chain: A cues B, B cues C, C cues D, and so on. There are two rules that govern whether the chain continues or breaks off, Berne says.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Rule #1<\/strong>: When two people communicate back and forth in a respectful, healthy way, an interaction can theoretically continue without end. This is a string of reciprocal exchanges, where each person recognizes the other (remember that this refers to \u201cstroking\u201d), and their mind states remain parallel.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, two friends enjoying a normal conversation could continue indefinitely, so long as they respect each other\u2019s states. In this case, it\u2019s adult to adult. The same is true of any other pairing\u2014child to parent, parent to adult, and so on\u2014so long as neither gets upset and disrupts the parallel states.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: While Berne says that &#8220;in principle&#8221; an exchange could go on forever, it\u2019s worth noting that this is never actually the case. Continuing his hunger metaphor, each of us needs a different amount of social contact to feel \u201cfull.\u201d In <em>Quiet<\/em>, Susan Cain details how <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/quiet-the-power-of-introverts\">extroverts and introverts need very different levels of social stimulation<\/a>: Extroverts derive energy from socialization, while introverts can only socialize so much before needing to recharge. Berne doesn\u2019t discuss this, but the idea of a difference in \u201cappetite\u201d for socialization seems to fit well with his analogy of hunger. The lower your appetite, the less you\u2019ll seek interactions that last for a long time.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Rule #2:<\/strong> If one person (call them B) loses their cool, that disrupts the interaction and communication breaks down. For example, it\u2019s an adult-to-adult conversation until A accidentally offends B. B gets fired up, moving into their parent state, and talks down to A.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Berne doesn\u2019t describe any one solution to disrupted communication. Rather, there are two possibilities once communication breaks down:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>One or both participants can realize the breakdown and shift back to adult rationality, ideally finding the humor in their inappropriate behavior, or\u2026<\/li><li>One participant can go along with the other\u2019s shift. For example, A might get emotionally swept up after B gets offended, and respond from the child state that B talked down to. According to Berne, this results in fighting, until the two can restabilize their emotions or simply part ways.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: If you\u2019ve ever experienced an abrupt, negative shift in a conversation, then you\u2019ve seen a disrupted exchange firsthand. Here, Berne\u2019s concept is a useful heuristic for recognizing a communication breakdown, and it can be combined with <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/nonviolent-communication\">strategies like those from <em>Nonviolent Communication<\/em><\/a> to resolve conflicts. For example, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/expressing-feelings\/\">expressing your feelings<\/a> and linking them to your basic needs can help people recognize your shared humanity, showing them how to better respond to you.)&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is a transaction in the context of Eric Berne&#8217;s Transactional Analysis? What are the three ego states? &#8220;Transactions&#8221; are Eric Berne\u2019s \u201cbasic unit\u201d of social interaction. We gain social recognition through transactions, and we can analyze transactions by looking at the ego states that are involved (the parent, the adult, and the child). In this article, we&#8217;ll define transactions and cover the main types of games in Transactional Analysis.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":60303,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[40,9],"tags":[568],"class_list":["post-58844","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-books","category-psychology","tag-games-people-play","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Transactional Analysis: Games, Exchanges, Ego States - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Games People Play is Eric Berne&#039;s Transactional Analysis of patterns of social interaction. 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