{"id":57932,"date":"2022-01-10T17:29:00","date_gmt":"2022-01-10T21:29:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=57932"},"modified":"2022-01-17T17:52:23","modified_gmt":"2022-01-17T21:52:23","slug":"the-happiness-trap-book","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-happiness-trap-book\/","title":{"rendered":"The Happiness Trap: Book Overview & Key Takeaways"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What is Russ Harris’s The Happiness Trap<\/em> about? What is the key message to take away from the book? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In his book The Happiness Trap<\/em>, therapist and life coach Russ Harris advocates for ACT, or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, as a tool for getting ourselves out of “the happiness trap” and learning to deal with the pain and suffering in a productive way. Unlike CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy), which focuses on changing your thoughts to lessen suffering, ACT teaches awareness and acceptance of negative thoughts and feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let’s explore the key ideas discussed in the book. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Humans Aren\u2019t Naturally Happy<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In his book The Happiness Trap<\/em>, Harris explains that we have many misguided beliefs about happiness. These widely held beliefs trap us in vicious cycles that actually increase\u2014rather than decrease\u2014our suffering. The primary myth is that everyone can and should be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Harris points out that we regard happiness as the most desirable human state. The pursuit of happiness is even enshrined as a fundamental human right, alongside life and liberty, in the US Declaration of Independence<\/a>. Media and the internet bombard us with images of people who are beautiful, intelligent, and wealthy\u2014and presumably happy. We envy them and believe we should strive to be like them. (Shortform note: Many companies also sell happiness by promising their products will make you happy. The late Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh wrote a 2010 book, Delivering Happiness<\/em><\/a>, in which he argued that the way to build a successful business<\/a>, and to be happy yourself, is to take extraordinary steps to make your employees and customers happy.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While we expect to be consistently happy, Harris contends that our minds weren\u2019t designed to work that way<\/strong>. He notes that the human brain has evolved with three traits that primitive humans needed to survive:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. The ability to detect threats and avoid them. <\/li>
  2. The ability to fit into a group. A primitive human couldn\u2019t afford to be kicked out and left to fend for himself. <\/li>
  3. An accumulate-and-improve mentality. A primitive human needed to accumulate enough food to last his clan through lean times. <\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    These traits have persisted on the evolutionary time scale, Harris notes that they have become dysfunctional because:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    1. We no longer need threat detection and avoidance to protect us from predators in the wild. Instead, this instinct makes us detect imaginary threats,<\/strong> such as the possibility that we\u2019ll never get married, or that a random ache is a symptom of a serious disease. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    2. The ability to fit in is no longer the deciding factor in whether we starve to death, but we still compare ourselves to others<\/a> and worry about whether we are normal.<\/strong> In the world of social media, where everybody is pushing an idealized version of themselves, this part of our brain looks at others and makes us worry that we compare unfavorably.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    3. Our ability to accumulate and improve no longer determines whether we live or die. Still, our brains drive us to constantly accumulate more wealth, status, and happiness and to improve our lives as much as possible<\/strong>\u2014but even when we accomplish these goals and improve our lives, the satisfaction doesn\u2019t last long. So we quickly return to the cycle of accumulation and try to get even more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Because our minds naturally supply us with a constant stream of threats, worries, and concerns that don\u2019t actually contribute to our survival, Harris argues the natural state for humans is psychological discomfort rather than happiness.<\/strong> (Shortform note: Studies of brain activity show that we have a \u201cnegativity bias\u201d<\/a>\u2014our brains respond more to negative images than to positive or neutral images. ACT founder Steven C. Hayes identified five ways our brains fixate on the negative: imagining dangers, ruminating about the past, worrying about what others think, feeling not good enough, and always needing more.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Principle #1: Connecting With the Observing Self<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Now that we\u2019ve discussed how we get stuck in the happiness trap, we\u2019ll explain how to escape it through ACT\u2019s six principles of psychological flexibility, the ability to respond productively to negative thoughts and situations in order to build a rich and meaningful life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    ACT\u2019s first principle is connecting with the observing self<\/a><\/em>. (Shortform note: In the book and in ACT literature, this is listed as the fourth of the six principles. However, we\u2019ve chosen to examine it first because it provides helpful context for understanding the other principles.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    The Thinking Self Thinks, the Observing Self Observes<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

    According to ACT, our minds encompass a thinking self and an observing self.<\/strong> Harris argues that the thinking self and the observing self are different faculties: The thinking self provides a judgmental running commentary on events, while the observing self neutrally observes this commentary. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    While the thinking self thinks, judges, and acts, the observing self is a kind of \u201cmeta-awareness.\u201d Your observing self notices everything you experience\u2014your thoughts, physical sensations, and the world around you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    When you understand the relationship between the thinking self and the observing self, you can redirect the observing self\u2019s attention away from the thinking self <\/strong>and toward other sources of input, like your five senses. This ability to redirect your attention is the foundation for mindfulness techniques that can alter the way you experience everything. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Self-as-Context<\/strong>

    ACT literature refers to the observing self as \u201cself-as-context\u201d<\/a>\u2014the alternative to the \u201cconceptualized self,\u201d or the person we think<\/em> we are because of the running commentary of the thinking self. This terminology makes the concept of the observing self a bit more clear\u2014in the self-as-context model, our thoughts, feelings, and experiences occur within the context<\/em> of the self, rather than being identified with<\/em> the self. 

    Imagine the self-as-context as a playground and the individual thoughts, feelings, and experiences as children who are playing on the playground. Even when all of the children have gone home, the playground will still be a playground. It would be nonsensical to argue that the children are<\/em> the playground\u2014they often populate the playground, but they don\u2019t define it.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

    Principle #2: Defusion<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    When you mistake what your thinking self thinks for reality, ACT says you\u2019re in a state of \u201cfusion\u201d with your thoughts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Harris explains that the antidote to fusion is defusion, <\/em>or separating ourselves from our thoughts. Rather than taking our thoughts as the absolute truth, through defusion, we harness the power of the observing self to take a step back and recognize them as stories our brain tells us to help us survive. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    When we practice defusion:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    1. We recognize that our thoughts are merely words and images<\/strong>, not reality. For instance, if we make a mistake at work<\/a>, we recognize that our mind\u2019s reaction (\u201cI\u2019m an idiot\u201d) is simply a story produced by our brain rather than an objective fact. <\/li>
    2. We believe that our thoughts only have significance if we judge them as useful to us.<\/strong> <\/li>
    3. We don\u2019t believe we should do what our thoughts tell us to do<\/strong>, or that we have any obligation to those thoughts beyond acknowledging they exist. <\/li>
    4. We don\u2019t <\/strong>experience<\/em><\/strong> negative thoughts and images as threats<\/strong>, because we understand that they\u2019re only words and pictures. Accordingly, there\u2019s no need to eliminate negative thoughts. <\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

      By practicing defusion and accepting your negative thoughts, Harris says, you live a richer life and experience the world more fully\u2014rather than continually trying to eliminate negative thoughts and feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Common Hurdles in Defusion<\/strong>

      Clinical psychologist and ACT trainer John T. Blackledge identifies common problems<\/a> that people can experience when trying to apply defusion to their lives. 

      The idea of defusion can be a tough pill to swallow when we struggle with long-term, persistent negative thoughts<\/strong>: Fusion causes us to believe these thoughts are facts, so when someone tells us to defuse from such a thought, it feels like they\u2019re saying we can\u2019t reliably interpret our own reality.

      The idea of defusion, taken to an extreme, can lead to a sense of meaninglessness<\/strong>. If thoughts are just thoughts, then what about the important thoughts that we have concerning our morals and ethics? When we practice defusion, it can be difficult to separate our factual<\/em> thoughts from our nonfactual<\/em> thoughts<\/strong>. Some factual thoughts are clear (like \u201cThis is made of steel\u201d), but sometimes it\u2019s unclear whether a thought is factual (and therefore useful to you, even if it makes you feel bad).  <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

      Principle #3: Expansion<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      The third principle of ACT\u2014expansion\u2014does for the feelings and urges of our physical body what defusion does for the thoughts and images of our thinking self. We use our observing self to create space for the negative feelings and urges in our bodies<\/strong>, allowing us to stop struggling with our emotions and instead focus on acting to improve our lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Expansion: A Four-Step Process<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

      Harris identifies four steps for using expansion to accept your emotions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Step 1: Use your observing self to connect with the sensations in your body.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Take a few moments and notice the sensations or discomfort in each area of your body. We register emotions as physical sensations, so essentially, you\u2019re scanning your body for negative emotions so that you can respond to them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Focus on the least comfortable physical sensation. Notice its dimensions: Is it large or small? Uniform or irregular? How deeply do you feel the sensation? If you can, visualize this sensation as a distinct object with its own material and properties. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Step 2: Use deep breathing to explore the sensation.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      As you scan the uncomfortable sensation, focus on breathing deeply. Your deep breathing should decrease the tension in your body. As your tension decreases, imagine your deep breath forming an eggshell-like shelter around the discomfort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Step 3: Make additional room in your body for the sensation.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Imagine that eggshell growing until your body can freely accommodate the discomfort. Rather than feeling that the sensation is trapped in your body, causing disruption and tension, feel that it has room to move and grow, because your breathing can accommodate it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Step 4: Tolerate the sensation, and give it space to exist.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Accept the emotion, rather than listening to your thinking self, which might be saying that the emotion is a threat (and therefore something you need to eliminate). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      The Physiological Effects of Deep Breathing<\/strong>

      Meditation<\/a> exercises like this help release tension in our bodies and process emotions<\/a> that we can\u2019t simply \u201creason\u201d our way out of. But just how does it work? 

      Research has shown that       specific emotions have different kinds of breathing associated with them<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong> For instance, an emotion like joy involves deep, slow breathing, while an emotion like anger involves rapid, shallow breath.
      The deep breathing we practice in expansion is associated with calmness and joy. Thus, the feeling of release from emotional discomfort may be our body\u2019s physiological response to deep breathing, rather than a mental and emotional response to the imaginative labor of \u201cbuilding an eggshell\u201d around the sensation. Additionally, slow, deep breathing slows your heart rate and stimulates the vagus nerve, which is associated with your body\u2019s recuperative processes, such as sleep and digestion.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

      Principle #4: Connection<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      The fourth principle of ACT\u2014connection\u2014is the technique of using your observing self to connect to the external world through your five senses. Often, despite what\u2019s going on around us, we\u2019re focused on the world of the thinking self: our memories, our plans, our judgments. The thinking self focuses on the past and the future. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Harris writes that connection is the practice of using our observing self to shift our attention away from the past and future in order to be fully engaged in the present moment<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Harris lists three reasons to practice connection:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      1. We have only one life, and it\u2019s relatively short. If the choice is between living in the moment and living outside of it, most of us would choose the first. <\/li>
      2. In order to shape the kind of life we want, we must act\u2014and the only time we have to act is in the present.<\/li>
      3. Only awareness of the present moment allows us to take effective action<\/strong>\u2014that is, action that aligns with our values.  <\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

        (Shortform note: In addition to the benefits that Harris lists, research shows that connection\u2014or mindfulness\u2014strengthens relationships<\/a>, makes stress more manageable, and improves symptoms of anxiety and depression.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        Achieving connection requires the techniques discussed in the previous principles, because when our thinking self obsesses over negative thoughts and feelings, we tend to disconnect from the present. Therefore, in order to achieve connection consistently, we need to practice <\/strong>defusion<\/em><\/strong> from our negative thoughts and <\/strong>expansion<\/em><\/strong> to accept our unwanted feelings.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

        Presence as the Means vs. the End<\/strong>

        Eckhart Tolle\u2019s The Power of Now<\/em><\/a> <\/em>focuses on the idea of connecting to the present moment as the solution to the problems of the ego (what Harris would call the thinking self) and the pain-body<\/a> (the sum total of negative emotions that you carry). In contrast to Harris\u2019s view that connection is one of many tools to help us live in alignment with our values, Tolle argues that being connected with the present moment can serve as a sole solution for the problem of suffering.\u00a0

        Still, both Tolle\u2019s and Harris agree that:

        -The thinking self (or ego) is a huge problem for most people.
        -The thinking self is predominantly concerned with the past and the future instead of the present moment.\u00a0Harnessing our observing self (what Tolle calls \u201cthe inner body\u201d) connects us to the present moment.\u00a0<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

        Mindfulness: The \u201cAcceptance\u201d in ACT<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

        The first four principles form the foundation of the concept of \u201cacceptance\u201d in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Taken together, they constitute a foundation that Harris calls mindfulness<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

        (Shortform note: Mindfulness isn\u2019t unique to ACT. You can find it in many ancient Eastern traditions and religions<\/a>, such as yoga, Buddhism, and meditation.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

        Harris explains that in the context of ACT, mindfulness is a psychological state of openness and awareness attainable through consistent practice of mindfulness skills<\/strong> (such as defusion, expansion, and connection).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        But attaining this state is not an end unto itself\u2014instead, ACT advocates practical application, or applying behaviors to develop a valuable and enriching life. In other words, mindfulness is a practical skill (or set of skills) for improving your life in the real world.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

        (Shortform note: The assertion that acceptance is a means to improving your life addresses the common misconception that accepting a negative situation means \u201cgiving up\u201d<\/a> or condoning harmful behavior. In actuality, accepting the reality of a situation is the first step toward developing healthier ways to respond to or change it.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        Principle #5: Clarifying Values<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

        In this section, we\u2019ll explain how to use mindfulness skills to apply the fifth principle of ACT: clarifying your values<\/a>. Values are the principles that govern how you want to act. Harris writes that, by clarifying your values, you set yourself up for the final step in the ACT process: committed action<\/a><\/strong>, or living in alignment with your values.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        Harris explains that values are:<\/p>\n\n\n\n