{"id":57498,"date":"2021-12-21T17:42:09","date_gmt":"2021-12-21T21:42:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=57498"},"modified":"2021-12-31T18:02:48","modified_gmt":"2021-12-31T22:02:48","slug":"deal-with-anger","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/deal-with-anger\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Deal With Anger in a Healthy Way"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do you struggle to control your anger? How can anger be used as a tool?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In her book <em>Codependent No More, <\/em>self-help author Melody Beattie discusses the importance of anger and how to handle it in a way that won&#8217;t cause damage to yourself and others. Anger is a natural emotion and isn&#8217;t bad unless you try to repress it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading to learn <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-control-anger-and-manage-anger-issues\/\">how to deal with anger<\/a> properly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-importance-of-anger\">The Importance of Anger<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Healthily processing all emotions is important, but Beattie maintains that <strong>anger is one of the most important emotions to handle properly<\/strong>. (Shortform note: It\u2019s important to deal with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/topics\/anger\/control\">anger because it sparks aggression<\/a>, an evolutionary remnant of when fight or flight were the only options to survive. In the modern day, the increase in blood pressure and adrenaline that come with anger are usually maladaptive instead of helpful, as they can damage your health and relationships.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Beattie warns that you may find yourself acting in uncharacteristic and damaging ways because of repressed anger. If you repressed your anger well enough, you might not even understand <em>why <\/em>you\u2019re acting the way you are. Let\u2019s look at an example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Mindy is generally a very kind and helpful individual. However, recently she\u2019s been snapping at people over <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/small-problems\/\">small problems<\/a>. Mindy doesn\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with her or why she feels this way. The truth is, Mindy got into an argument with her husband several weeks ago. It was brief, but only because Mindy was repressing her anger. She didn\u2019t allow herself to be angry, but repressing it made it attack innocent people. If Mindy had expressed her anger initially, the argument might have lasted longer, she would have avoided the long-term issues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Anger can tell you important things about yourself and your situation, Beattie adds. <strong>When handled correctly, anger is a tool<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/emotional-intelligence\/chapter-5-2\">Daniel Goleman provides some ideas<\/a> of what to do when you or someone else is angry in <em>Emotional Intelligence<\/em>. He suggests providing a pleasant distraction, practicing relaxation techniques like <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/breathing-exercises-for-beginners\/\">breathing exercises<\/a>, and shifting your mentality in a more positive direction.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>The Connection Between Anger and Hot Cognition<\/strong><br><br>Why does anger make you act in uncharacteristic ways? Beattie doesn\u2019t say, but it\u2019s because <a href=\"http:\/\/www.jostensrenaissance.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/AprilRenKit.pdf\">when you\u2019re experiencing negative emotions like anger, hot cognition takes over.<\/a> Hot and cold cognition are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/two-types-of-thinking\/\">two types of thinking<\/a>. The first is influenced by instinct, emotions, and social situations, while the second is based on logic and reasoning. These different kinds of thinking are managed by different parts of the brain.<br><br>Over-reliance on emotionally-charged hot cognition causes recklessness and impulsivity; it prevents cold cognition\u2019s logic and reasoning. This is the cause of Mindy\u2019s outbursts and uncharacteristic behavior.<br><br>Suppressing anger or other negative emotions doesn\u2019t stop them from disrupting cold cognition; in fact, it makes it more difficult to solve the problem. You must process your negative emotions to re-enable your cold cognition.<br>When processed, anger can activate your hot cognition in a good way. Because hot cognition relies on instinct, it keeps you safe in dangerous situations. If you handle them correctly, anger and hot cognition are valuable tools for navigating life.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you struggle to control your anger? How can anger be used as a tool? In her book Codependent No More, self-help author Melody Beattie discusses the importance of anger and how to handle it in a way that won&#8217;t cause damage to yourself and others. Anger is a natural emotion and isn&#8217;t bad unless you try to repress it. Keep reading to learn how to deal with anger properly.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":57545,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,43],"tags":[560],"class_list":["post-57498","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health","category-self-improvement","tag-codependent-no-more","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Deal With Anger in a Healthy Way - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you allow anger to control you, you will damage yourself and others. 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