{"id":57226,"date":"2022-01-07T11:15:05","date_gmt":"2022-01-07T15:15:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=57226"},"modified":"2022-01-07T11:15:07","modified_gmt":"2022-01-07T15:15:07","slug":"what-is-false-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-is-false-love\/","title":{"rendered":"False Love: What It Is and How It Manifests"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What is false love? What are the different categories of false love?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>False love is when people pursue a connection for reasons such as sexual desire or a financial partnership. Although a real love relationship can include these things, they should not be the base of a relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Continue below to learn about the different types of false love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-false-love-defined\"><strong>False Love<\/strong>: Defined<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>What is false love? To Fromm (the author of <em>The Art of Loving)<\/em>, the most common way that modern people pursue connection is through false love. Fromm believes that false love is more common than <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/genuine-love\/\">genuine love<\/a> in modern society because of the rise of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/capitalism-theory\/\">capitalism<\/a>, which requires people to turn their energy into a tradable good in the form of labor: They give labor and get money in return. As a result, we\u2019re less inclined to give ourselves freely; the idea of giving someone time and energy without getting anything in return (which is an expression of genuine love) has become unthinkable. Instead, we practice false love, in which we only give affection in order to get something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: While Fromm argues that all transactional relationships must be forms of false love by default, other psychologists argue that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/relationship-reciprocity\/\">genuine love <em>must <\/em>include some measure of reciprocity<\/a>. In that view, giving someone endless time and energy without expecting anything in return is an unhealthy practice. Instead, genuinely loving relationships should be interdependent: Both partners should be able to count on receiving affection, attention, and trust from the other. This expectation isn\u2019t rooted in capitalism\u2014it\u2019s rooted in the understanding that all <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/building-healthy-relationships\/\">healthy relationships<\/a> require give and take.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-types-of-false-love\"><strong>Types of False Love<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Fromm describes a few main categories of false love. We\u2019ll explore each of these categories below:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-love-as-sexual-desire\">Love as Sexual Desire<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>This is the model of love that Sigmund Freud proposed, in which love is merely the expression of sexual desire\u2014specifically, every man\u2019s desire to sleep with every woman he possibly can. Freud believed that all other <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/5-types-of-love\/\">forms of love<\/a> were diluted versions of this primary desire. According to Fromm, this empty desire is a form of false love because it doesn\u2019t involve nourishment, responsiveness, acceptance, or genuine understanding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Other philosophers have a more charitable view of love as sexual desire. For example, the Greek philosopher Plato believed that, with effort, <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Eros_(concept)\">people could use the sexual desire they feel for one person to open their eyes to beauty in <em>all <\/em>its forms<\/a>. People could then funnel this new awareness into genuine love for all of humanity: In other words, they could convert false love based on sexual desire into genuine Platonic love.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-love-as-a-partnership\">Love as a Partnership<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>The second form of false love is the idea of love as a partnership, in which two people love each other solely to increase their odds of succeeding in a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/market-society\/\">capitalist society<\/a>. While they care for one another, their primary loyalty is still to themselves\u2014they invest in the relationship because it serves their own purposes. This kind of love mimics a business partnership. For example, a man who gets married so he will have a wife to take care of the home while he focuses on work (or a woman who gets married so she\u2019ll have a husband to provide for her economically) is pursuing this kind of false love.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: This form of false love is still prevalent in the 21st century; however, men and women approach these relationships differently. A survey of Harvard Business School graduates revealed that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/article\/if-you-cant-find-a-spouse-who-supports-your-career-stay-single-avivah-wittenberg-cox-harvard-business-review\">most men expect to prioritize their own careers over their wives\u2019 careers<\/a>. In contrast, the same survey found that most women expect a more equal relationship in which each partner supports the other\u2019s career goals. However, while their vision of an ideal relationship differs, both men and women think a healthy relationship is one that helps them succeed as workers in a capitalist society.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-love-as-misplaced-parental-attachment\">Love as Misplaced Parental Attachment<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Another form of false love is misplaced parental attachment. When one or both partners have unresolved parental attachments, they\u2019ll seek a form of parental love from each other rather than genuine romantic love. However, because romantic partners typically can\u2019t give the type of maternal or paternal love these people crave, they\u2019re inevitably disappointed with their romantic relationships.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: The science of attachment supports Fromm\u2019s analysis. In <em>Attached<\/em>, Levine and Heller argue that children whose parents aren\u2019t caring, responsive, and attuned to their needs often develop \u201cinsecure attachments,\u201d meaning they have a hard time trusting other people. As adults, people with insecure attachments struggle with healthy romantic relationships, just as Fromm identified.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is false love? What are the different categories of false love? False love is when people pursue a connection for reasons such as sexual desire or a financial partnership. Although a real love relationship can include these things, they should not be the base of a relationship. Continue below to learn about the different types of false love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":57250,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,24],"tags":[557],"class_list":["post-57226","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-society","tag-the-art-of-loving","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>False Love: What It Is and How It Manifests - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What is false love? Unfortunately, it&#039;s the most common way that modern people pursue connection. Here are the 3 main types.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-is-false-love\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"False Love: What It Is and How It Manifests\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What is false love? Unfortunately, it&#039;s the most common way that modern people pursue connection. 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