{"id":56954,"date":"2022-01-24T10:15:00","date_gmt":"2022-01-24T14:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=56954"},"modified":"2022-01-27T16:34:33","modified_gmt":"2022-01-27T20:34:33","slug":"how-to-deal-with-fomo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-fomo\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Deal With FOMO\u2014Fear of Missing Out"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Why do so many people suffer from FOMO? What do you think causes FOMO?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Information overload<\/a> and \u201cfear of missing out\u201d may rank among the biggest contributors to chronic indecision. In their book Algorithms to Live By<\/em>, Christian and Griffiths compare FOMO to a modem bufferbloat that slows down internet connection. Like their home modems, people who suffer from FOMO feel as if they have to do everything that\u2019s expected of them and assume that there\u2019s something wrong with rejecting a good opportunity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is how to deal with FOMO by adopting the mindset of JOMO (the joy of missing out).<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

The Fear of Missing Out<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

People who suffer from FOMO feel as if they have to do everything that\u2019s expectedd of them and assume that there\u2019s something wrong with rejecting a good opportunity. As a consequence, they “buffer” everything into their to-do lists to attend to in the future. The result is an endless “bufferbloat” of tasks and events that make them feel increasingly more overwhelmed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christian and Griffiths describe one recent fiasco in the field of computer science: an unexpected phenomenon called \u201cbufferbloat.\u201d If you have fast Internet that still suffers from inexplicable latency and unreliability, bufferbloat is likely the culprit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christian and Griffiths explain that your home modem has what\u2019s called a buffer\u2014a short queue of received data that it accepts but waits before responding to. This helps it smooth out intense bursts of data without slowing down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, if your modem\u2019s buffer is too big\u2014if its \u201cto-do list\u201d is too long and grows too fast to ever get finished\u2014the ACKs your computer sends to web servers through the modem take an extremely long time to get delivered, causing your download speed to plummet. Essentially, bufferbloat makes your modem tell your computer that it can handle far more information than it really can, <\/strong>causing your computer to send too much data, clogging up the connection between itself and the Internet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The authors assert that to fix bufferbloat, your modem should not be sending ACKs back to your computer. It needs to entirely reject some of your computer\u2019s data, signaling it to slow down and allow the modem to clear its backlog of tasks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christian and Griffiths argue that many people suffer from a version of bufferbloat in real life, too. <\/strong>Recent communication technology has increased humans\u2019 ability to buffer each other. Emails can pile up in a never-ending queue, as can DMs on Instagram and Twitter. Instead of simply allowing messages from others to slip through the cracks, we add them to a never-ending to-do list<\/a><\/strong>. Similarly, we frequently buffer news and entertainment\u2014there\u2019s no excuse for not staying up to date on the latest controversies and TV shows, as they\u2019re always asynchronously available. It\u2019s easy to become overwhelmed, trying and failing to catch up on everything you\u2019ve saved for later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christian and Griffiths argue that you can use the same solution as home modems to protect yourself from bufferbloat\u2014just say no<\/strong>. Shrink your buffer down to only the most essential tasks. It\u2019s better to completely reject the unimportant than to drown in it, no longer able to devote the time and energy to what you really care about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Joy of Missing Out<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Real-life bufferbloat is arguably one of the leading causes of \u201cFOMO\u201d\u2014the \u201cFear Of Missing Out\u201d on the exciting events we see happening on social media. Like their home modems, people who suffer from FOMO feel as if they have to do everything that\u2019s expected of them and assume that there\u2019s something wrong with rejecting a good opportunity. Often, they end up spending too much time on social media, as the rush of endless interaction creates the illusion that you\u2019re living the maximum amount of life<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The healthier mindset is to try and cultivate \u201cJOMO\u201d\u2014the \u201cJoy Of Missing Out.\u201d<\/a>  Following Christian and Griffiths\u2019s advice and rejecting opportunities instead of buffering them doesn\u2019t have to be a mere sacrifice for your health, like brushing your teeth. Instead, every missed opportunity has the potential to be a source of joy<\/strong>. Here is how to deal with FOMO by adopting the mindset of JOMO: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Commit to fewer things and invest in them more deeply. <\/strong>If you try to be friends with everyone, you\u2019ll end up without a single true, deep friendship<\/a>. In this way, many of the most meaningful things in life can only be gained by saying \u201cno\u201d to everything else. If you try to avoid missing out on anything, you\u2019ll ironically end up missing out on the valuable life experiences that are impossible to post on Instagram<\/a>. Staying home from a concert to spend time reading to your kids<\/a> may seem like you\u2019re trading the extraordinary for the ordinary, but many would argue that a deep, loving parent-child relationship built up over years is the most extraordinary experience possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Intentionally choose how you want to spend your time. <\/strong>The act of intentionally choosing how you want to spend your time is inherently satisfying, no matter what you end up doing. Saying \u201cno\u201d to an invitation reinforces the feeling that you\u2019re in charge of your own destiny. Compare this to the alternative\u2014going to a party because you feel like you have to. This is a recipe for feelings of helplessness and resentment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sympathetic, vicarious joy can be a great feeling. <\/strong>When you hear about an opportunity you\u2019re missing out on, instead of feeling anxiety or pressure to get out and do more, try to feel empathetic joy for those out having a good time. Happiness isn\u2019t a zero-sum game\u2014if you\u2019re missing a fun event for something you\u2019d rather be doing instead, you and those at the event both win. Try to feel gratitude for the net positive of happiness in the world instead of worrying if others are happier than you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why do so many people suffer from FOMO? What do you think causes FOMO? Information overload and \u201cfear of missing out\u201d may rank among the biggest contributors to chronic indecision. In their book Algorithms to Live By, Christian and Griffiths compare FOMO to a modem bufferbloat that slows down internet connection. Like their home modems, people who suffer from FOMO feel as if they have to do everything that\u2019s expected of them and assume that there\u2019s something wrong with rejecting a good opportunity. Here is how to deal with FOMO by adopting the mindset of JOMO (the joy of missing<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":35947,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,9,43],"tags":[549],"class_list":["post-56954","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-algorithms-to-live-by","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Deal With FOMO\u2014Fear of Missing Out - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you ever suffer from the fear of missing out? 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