{"id":56340,"date":"2021-12-23T08:32:00","date_gmt":"2021-12-23T12:32:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=56340"},"modified":"2021-12-28T10:19:48","modified_gmt":"2021-12-28T14:19:48","slug":"come-as-you-are-quotes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/come-as-you-are-quotes\/","title":{"rendered":"Come as You Are: Quotes by Emily Nagoski"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Are you looking for Come as You Are<\/em> quotes by Emily Nagoski? What are some of the most noteworthy passages worth revisiting?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Come As You Are<\/em>, author Emily Nagoski uses scientific research and her years of experience as a sex educator to change the negative way that women talk, think, and feel about their sexuality due to years of misinformation and harmful cultural messaging surrounding sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is a selection of passages highlighting the key themes explored in the book. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life<\/em><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In her book Come as You Are<\/em>, Emily Nagoski argues that our culture\u2019s tendency to consider men\u2019s sexual experience the standard perpetuates a lot of misinformation about what\u2019s sexually normal and healthy for women. This tendency forces women to view themselves through a scope that wasn\u2019t made for them, ultimately inflicting harm to their sexual health<\/a> and well-being. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arguing that a scientific perspective on sexuality can free women from unrealistic standards and help them to appreciate their individual experiences, Nagoski considers sexuality from every biological angle while dispelling cultural misconceptions along the way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The following Come as You Are<\/em> quotes highlight some of the key themes of her message.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMedieval anatomists called women\u2019s external genitals the \u201cpudendum,\u201d a word derived from the Latin pudere, meaning \u201cto make ashamed.\u201d Our genitalia were thus named \u201cfrom the shamefacedness that is in women to have them seen.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

During the medieval period, people called the female genitalia pudendum<\/em> (from Latin pudere<\/em>, \u201cto make ashamed\u201d). The reasoning for this was that women\u2019s genitalia (in contrast to men\u2019s) appear hidden inside the body, as if women are trying to conceal something they\u2019re ashamed of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In reality, the female genitalia aren\u2019t \u201chidden\u201d at all. Nagoski tells us that instead, the various parts have different sizes and locations from their male counterparts due to biological reasons. Assigning such a negative name to women\u2019s genitalia not only points to a lack of biological understanding, but it also perpetuates the idea that there\u2019s something fundamentally wrong with their genitalia. If there wasn\u2019t, why else would women try to hide them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nagoski explains that although modern culture doesn\u2019t suggest that women are hiding something disgraceful in a literal sense, the idea that women\u2019s genitalia is somehow shameful remains prominent in the way both men and women feel and talk about female sexuality<\/a>. For example, both sexes shame women when their clothing inadvertently (and often unavoidably) accentuates the shape of their vulva\u2014what is commonly known as a \u201ccamel toe.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe problem isn\u2019t the desire itself, it\u2019s the context. You need more sexually relevant stimuli activating the accelerator and fewer things hitting the brake.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Because desire is the interaction of pleasure and context, creating an environment that makes us feel excited for sex and uninhibited by what our brain sees as threats is the best way to ensure great sex with our partner. Nagoski even says that there isn\u2019t really a lack of desire\u2014just an abundance of the wrong contextual factors, such as the circumstances, emotional states, and cultural messaging. All of these things activate the SIS (sexual inhibition system) and inhibit our desire for sex. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSex is an attachment behavior, reinforcing the social bond between adults. Sometimes it takes the form of passionate, joyful sex between people who are falling in love with each other. Sometimes it takes the form of desperate, grasping sex between people whose attachment is threatened.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Depending on how our caregivers cared for us as children, we develop different styles of attachment. According to sex researcher Emily Nagoski, your attachment style<\/a> not only dictates your behavior in romantic relationships but also affects your sexual experience. Here is how people with secure, anxious, and avoidant attachment tend to approach sex: <\/p>\n\n\n\n