{"id":56333,"date":"2021-12-23T15:44:00","date_gmt":"2021-12-23T19:44:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=56333"},"modified":"2021-12-27T16:59:44","modified_gmt":"2021-12-27T20:59:44","slug":"difficulty-having-an-orgasm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/difficulty-having-an-orgasm\/","title":{"rendered":"Here Is Why Women Have Difficulty Having an Orgasm"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Why do women have such difficulty having an orgasm? Is the problem anatomical or psychological in its nature? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Research shows that men are almost 30% more likely to orgasm than women. According to sex researcher Emily Nagoski, women’s difficulty reaching an orgasm stems from the overactivation of the sexual inhibition system (SIS) due to negative emotions such as stress and shame. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is why women have difficulty having an orgasm and what they can do to have better and more frequent orgasms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Women\u2019s Difficulty With Orgasm<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

According to Emily Nagoski, difficulty having an orgasm is one of the most common reasons women seek sex-related treatment or therapy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But why is it that so many women seem to have these difficulties? Nagoski says the answer is most often the same as what causes lack of desire<\/a> and non-concordance<\/a>: over-activation of the SIS due to stress, depression, anxiety, or shame<\/strong>. For example, if you\u2019re feeling self-conscious about your body during sex, that activates the SIS, making it difficult for you to reach orgasm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, in more specific terms, Nagoski says that orgasm difficulties arise from the way our brains process the gap between our expectations and reality<\/strong>, which our culture\u2019s tendency to set the bar unreasonably high worsens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nagoski explains that our brains constantly evaluate our surroundings, making comparisons between the expectations we\u2019ve developed based on our experiences and what\u2019s actually happening. When our expectations don\u2019t match up with reality, we try to close the gap by setting a goal to bring them back into alignment. Nagoski adds that when we think we\u2019re making good progress toward that goal, we remain happy and motivated. But when we don\u2019t see good progress, we become frustrated and increasingly desperate to close the gap, until we eventually give up in despair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the case of orgasms, the process Nagoski describes looks like this: Society has given you the expectation that you should be able to have an orgasm from vaginal penetration, but you find yourself unable to do so. Your brain notices this gap between your expectation and reality<\/a>, and so you become determined to \u201cfix\u201d reality by continuing to try to have an orgasm this way. When it doesn\u2019t work, you become increasingly anxious, which activates the SIS. Ultimately, this makes trying to have an orgasm even more difficult than before, creating a continuous cycle of frustration and anxiety that eventually ends with you giving up on having one altogether.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Another important factor contributing to women\u2019s difficulty having an orgasm is the lack of knowledge they have about the clitoris. One study, for example, found that the less knowledge a woman has about her clitoris, the less frequently she\u2019s able to orgasm during masturbation<\/a>. Interestingly, however, the research showed that a woman\u2019s level of knowledge of the clitoris had no significant effect on the frequency of orgasm during partner sex\u2014in other words, even if a woman is knowledgeable, the frequency with which she orgasms with her partner is no more than incidental. The researchers attributed these findings to a societal construction of sex that privileges men\u2019s pleasure over women\u2019s.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Have Better (and More) Orgasms<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Despite the difficulty that many women seem to have with orgasms, Nagoski assures us that there\u2019s hope for women to not only reach orgasm but also improve and have more of them. She says the solution is to deactivate the SIS and slowly activate the SES<\/strong>. In other words, we need to eliminate what our brain sees as reasons not to have sex and gradually increase the frequency and intensity of what turns us on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To create an environment where this is possible, Nagoski insists we must get all of the internal states of our mesolimbic cortex\u2014things like comfort, hunger, and sleepiness\u2014to work together rather than against each other. What this means is that we need to be fully present<\/a> in the moment<\/strong>, without any of our various internal states trying to pull us away from the goal at hand (the goal being having an orgasm). For example, even if you\u2019re in the comfort of your own bed and relatively energized, you\u2019ll find it difficult to focus<\/a> on having an orgasm if you haven\u2019t eaten in 8 hours.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why do women have such difficulty having an orgasm? Is the problem anatomical or psychological in its nature? Research shows that men are almost 30% more likely to orgasm than women. According to sex researcher Emily Nagoski, women’s difficulty reaching an orgasm stems from the overactivation of the sexual inhibition system (SIS) due to negative emotions such as stress and shame. Here is why women have difficulty having an orgasm and what they can do to have better and more frequent orgasms.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":56426,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,9,160],"tags":[548],"class_list":["post-56333","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health","category-psychology","category-science","tag-come-as-you-are","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHere Is Why Women Have Difficulty Having an Orgasm - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Why do women have such difficulty reaching orgasm? 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