{"id":56317,"date":"2021-12-22T09:03:00","date_gmt":"2021-12-22T13:03:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=56317"},"modified":"2021-12-28T10:19:47","modified_gmt":"2021-12-28T14:19:47","slug":"normal-sexuality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/normal-sexuality\/","title":{"rendered":"Normal Sexuality: Dispelling the Misconceptions"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Is there such a thing as “normal sexuality”? How does modern culture misrepresent female sexuality<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to sex researcher Emily Nagoski, our culture tells women that there\u2019s a standard for female sexuality, and they aren\u2019t living up to it. What our society considers sexually \u201cnormal,\u201d in terms of everything from anatomical structure to a person\u2019s level of desire for sex, is based on the experience of the average man. This is because until relatively recently, research has focused heavily on men and male-centric models of sexuality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this article, we’ll look at some of the misconceptions around female sexuality. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

“Normal Sexuality”<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There are two problems with using an average man as the societal standard of sexuality. First, it discounts the existence and experience of women, who make up about half of the world\u2019s population. Because of this, women must view themselves through a scope that wasn\u2019t made for them<\/strong>, which helps to perpetuate false ideas about what\u2019s healthy and normal sexuality. Second, it disregards individual variation, whether among men or women. According to Nagoski, there are as many or even more differences within groups than between them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: These false ideas about what\u2019s normal with regards to women\u2019s sexual experience stem from a long history of contempt toward female sexuality, even in the medical field. Research examining attitudes toward female sexuality demonstrates that, as recently as the 19th century, doctors were advocating for clitoridectomies to “cure” masturbation and nymphomania<\/a>. Even within the last 50 years, doctors have regarded women\u2019s low levels of desire and lack of sexual response\u2014which Nagoski later identifies as normal and variable aspects of female sexuality\u2014as disorders that require treatment.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Misconceptions About Female Anatomy<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Nagoski argues that the fact that men are the standard for society\u2019s understanding of sexuality has created a knowledge gap with regards to women\u2019s unique experiences and biology. This lack of awareness has allowed our society to perpetuate many misconceptions about female anatomy<\/strong> that directly impact the way women see themselves and their sexuality. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s more, these misconceptions come from a variety of different places. Nagoski identifies two primary avenues through which society has developed a skewed perception<\/a> of female anatomy: culturally driven metaphors and media representation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nagoski explains that our society tends to take biological facts regarding anatomy and transform them into inaccurate metaphors based on cultural values like purity and virginity. She mentions two specific examples of metaphors people have associated with the female genitalia:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Metaphor #1: Women\u2019s Hidden Genitals as a Marker of Shame<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

According to Nagoski, during the medieval period, people called the female genitalia pudendum<\/em> (from Latin pudere<\/em>, \u201cto make ashamed\u201d). The reasoning for this was that women\u2019s genitalia (in contrast to men\u2019s) appear hidden inside the body, as if women are trying to conceal something they\u2019re ashamed of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Although Nagoski points to the medieval period as the first time people named women\u2019s genitals pudendum<\/em>, the term itself actually dates back to first-century Roman writers. Originally, the word was used to refer to any person or animal\u2019s genitalia<\/a>, regardless of sex. It was only later that people narrowed the meaning of pudendum<\/em> to just women\u2019s genitals.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In reality, the female genitalia aren\u2019t \u201chidden\u201d at all<\/strong>. Nagoski tells us that instead, the various parts have different sizes and locations from their male counterparts due to biological reasons (which we\u2019ll discuss more in the next section). Assigning such a negative name to women\u2019s genitalia not only points to a lack of biological understanding, but it also perpetuates the idea that there\u2019s something fundamentally wrong with their genitalia. If there wasn\u2019t, why else would women try to hide them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nagoski explains that although modern culture doesn\u2019t suggest that women are hiding something disgraceful in a literal sense, the idea that women\u2019s genitalia is somehow shameful remains prominent<\/strong> in the way both men and women feel and talk about female sexuality. For example, both sexes shame women when their clothing inadvertently (and often unavoidably) accentuates the shape of their vulva\u2014what is commonly known as a \u201ccamel toe.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Metaphor #2: The Hymen as a Marker of Virginity<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Nagoski notes that society has come to view the hymen\u2014a membrane found at the opening of the vaginal canal\u2014as a marker of virginity. Because of its location and potential to change over the course of a woman\u2019s life, there\u2019s a common but incorrect belief that the hymen is a barrier that\u2019s permanently \u201cbroken\u201d the first time that a penis penetrates the vagina. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Nagoski observes that the hymen has evolved into a token of virginity, but she doesn\u2019t speak to how this idea came into existence. The belief stems from an evolutionary theory<\/a> claiming that, historically, men would have preferred to mate with a woman who could prove\u2014through her \u201cintact\u201d hymen\u2014that she had never had sex with another man. This would guarantee that any offspring produced would be his, so he could avoid wasting time and resources on other men\u2019s children who didn\u2019t carry his genes.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nagoski warns that this misconception is especially dangerous because of the powerful impact it can have on women\u2019s lives<\/strong>. When an unmarried woman\u2019s hymen is absent or torn, she\u2019s seen as impure or marked as \u201cdamaged goods.\u201d In some cultures, this has resulted in women feeling pressured to have surgical reconstruction of their hymen as if it were a medical necessity. Nagoski adds that in some extreme cases, women are even beaten or killed because people have seen anything but a fully intact hymen as proof that she has had sexual intercourse outside of marriage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the other hand, Nagoski maintains that people have used the presence<\/em> of a hymen as proof that a woman couldn\u2019t have been raped, preventing her from seeking justice for the crime committed against her. The logic goes that if the hymen is a barrier and it\u2019s still intact, there was no penetration and thus no rape.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nagoski concludes that the basis of these real-world consequences is an idea that\u2019s entirely false. In reality, the hymen serves no biological function<\/strong> (including being a barrier). Some women are born without them, and when they\u2019re present, they simply stretch with penetration. If they do happen to tear, they heal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: While Nagoski claims that the hymen is an evolutionary byproduct serving no real function, in reality, biologists don\u2019t agree about why it exists<\/a>. In addition to the virginity theory mentioned previously, other theories suggest that the hymen\u2019s purpose is to make sex painful\u2014therefore encouraging more caution amongst young women interested in sex\u2014or that it evolved to prevent foreign objects from accidentally entering the vagina.)  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Media Representation of Female Genitalia <\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In addition to cultural values driving inaccurate metaphors, Nagoski says there\u2019s a lack of representation<\/a> of female genitalia in the media<\/strong>. What\u2019s more, when it is present it\u2019s often a false portrayal of the real thing. For instance, the vulva is usually presented to fit the \u201cBarbie doll\u201d ideal: neat and hairless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nagoski explains that this poor representation contributes to womens\u2019 negative views of their genitalia and sexuality<\/strong> because the only examples they have reinforce a false ideal that they were never meant to achieve in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Although Nagoski doesn\u2019t provide any specific examples demonstrating the impact of this lack of representation, there\u2019s evidence showing that the cultural ideals presented by the media profoundly influence women, both psychologically and physically. For example, statistics point to a growing global trend of women undergoing genital cosmetic surgery<\/a> to make their vulva fit the desired standard. In particular, these procedures have increased dramatically in the United States, Australia, and the UK.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Is there such a thing as “normal sexuality”? How does modern culture misrepresent female sexuality? According to sex researcher Emily Nagoski, our culture tells women that there\u2019s a standard for female sexuality, and they aren\u2019t living up to it. What our society considers sexually \u201cnormal,\u201d in terms of everything from anatomical structure to a person\u2019s level of desire for sex, is based on the experience of the average man. This is because until relatively recently, research has focused heavily on men and male-centric models of sexuality. In this article, we’ll look at some of the misconceptions around female sexuality.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":56430,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,24],"tags":[548],"class_list":["post-56317","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-society","tag-come-as-you-are","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nNormal Sexuality: Dispelling the Misconceptions - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What our society considers sexually \u201cnormal\u201d is based on the experience of an average man. 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