{"id":55064,"date":"2021-11-29T19:09:54","date_gmt":"2021-11-29T23:09:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=55064"},"modified":"2021-12-02T19:31:10","modified_gmt":"2021-12-02T23:31:10","slug":"you-cant-have-it-all","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/you-cant-have-it-all\/","title":{"rendered":"Ladies, Stop Telling Yourself “You Can’t Have It All”"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Is it possible to achieve balance in all areas of your life? Do you believe that you have to make a compromise (e.g. between career and family life) because you “can’t have it all”?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you think that you can evenly divide up different areas of your life, you’re setting yourself up for unnecessary stress and anxiety. In her book Girl, Stop Apologizing, <\/em>Rachel Hollis says that you need to stop telling yourself that you “can’t have it all,” and accept that you can have it all if you’re willing to put in the work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here’s how you can thrive in all areas of your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

You Can Have It All<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

By now you\u2019ve decided that your goal is worth having\u2014that you<\/em> are worth it. You\u2019re capable of achieving it, you don\u2019t care if it\u2019s been done before, and you have made time to work toward it. Bonus: You have even stopped caring what other people think<\/a> of your dream. But now you worry that the other areas of your life will suffer<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hollis empathizes with your fears. That if you sacrifice time with your partner to work on your goal, your relationship will weaken. That if you choose to work instead of stay home, your children won\u2019t feel as loved as they could. That you will lose friends if you scale back your social life. Hollis insists that this fear that you can\u2019t have it all is an excuse that will hold you back. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: These fears don\u2019t need to be ignored. In fact, fears are useful in that they define what we don\u2019t<\/em> want in our lives<\/a>. You can use them as a tool to stay grounded in the pursuit of your dream. Write your fears down at the beginning of your journey and refer to them from time to time to make sure that you\u2019re maintaining the relationships that are important<\/a> to you.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Truth: Work-Life Balance Is a Myth<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Many people aim for balance in life (most commonly, work-life balance<\/a>), but Hollis believes you should instead strive to be \u201ccentered,\u201d which means to feel content and at peace with all areas of your life.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

She believes that achieving balance in all areas of our lives is impossible.<\/strong> Time can never be equally divided among all areas of your life, all of the time. And even if it could be, that still doesn\u2019t mean that every important moment could be attended to. She stresses that work and home will always compete, and sacrifices will always be needed<\/strong>. In fact, she points out that we all struggle with balance in our lives even if we aren\u2019t working on a goal, so we might as well be going after what we want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So how do we achieve this centeredness? Hollis believes that the easiest way to achieve contentment and relieve yourself of guilt is to intentionally prioritize the important moments.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are Being Centered and Being Grounded the Same Thing?<\/strong>

Two phrases that are often thrown around in conjunction are \u201cbeing centered\u201d and \u201cbeing grounded.\u201d But are they interchangeable? According to Psychology Today<\/em>, while they\u2019re similar, they\u2019re not the same. 

To be grounded is to live in the present moment<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong> You aren\u2019t dwelling on the past or worrying about the \u201cwhat ifs\u201d of the future. There\u2019s a peacefulness that occurs when you live only in the present. How does this relate to goals? Well, let\u2019s say your goal is to run a marathon. Instead of focusing on the past (I\u2019ve never been a runner<\/em>) or fixating on the future (How will I find time in my schedule to train the longer runs?), <\/em>focus on living in the moment: I am running one mile right now.<\/em>

To be centered is to have a place to return to<\/strong>\u2014a value that is paramount to others and can be thought of as a destination. Using the previous example, if the most important thing in your life is your family, use that as your center and work your marathon training around your time with them. <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The Fix: Focus On Quality Time<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Rather than focusing on the number of hours you spend on family, friends, work, and so on, Hollis advises being intentional about when<\/em> you focus on each. Go for quality over quantity<\/a>, and the guilt will melt away.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, your children won\u2019t remember the number of hours you spent with them each day, but they\u2019ll remember if you had dinner with them every night, or if you showed up for their dance recital.<\/strong> They\u2019ll remember the family movie nights and one-on-one chats over breakfast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As another example, your partner would rather have an hour or two of your undivided attention in the evening than an entire day together where you\u2019re checking your emails and your mind is elsewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: If you\u2019re unsure whether you\u2019re doing this right, check in with your most important relationships frequently to gauge whether your loved ones feel you\u2019re there for them. For children, this might be a Sunday night conversation in which you ask, \u201cWhat is happening this week that is important to you?\u201d When you know what is important to others, it is easier to be there for the right moments.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So<\/strong> how can you make sure you\u2019re giving enough quality time where it\u2019s needed?<\/strong> When scheduling your week<\/a><\/strong> (remember, Hollis said weekly is the key), start by placing your <\/strong>priorities<\/em><\/strong> on the calendar<\/strong>\u2014the moments that you will feel sad or guilty for missing. All of your other responsibilities can be worked into your calendar around these moments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: This is an excellent opportunity to utilize timeboxing<\/em><\/a>, as discussed in Excuse 4: I Have No Free Time. Remember, timeboxing is the strategy of setting start and end times to all activities in your life to ensure that priorities are being met.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When possible, outsource the tasks that aren\u2019t meaningful. <\/strong>Hollis is a big believer in utilizing help (more on this in Behavior 3: Advocate For Yourself<\/a>) and she gives many suggestions for how to winnow your list of responsibilities so that you can give more time to the important stuff. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, if your housework is taking time away from your priorities, and it is causing you to feel uncentered and guilty, outsource it. Hire a housekeeper (if you have the means), divide the housework among family members to share the load, or let some parts of your house be messier. Her point is, your time is valuable. Use it in areas that are important to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: One of the most effective ways to prioritize your time is to embrace the power of saying \u201cno.\u201d As discussed in Behavior 3: Advocate for Yourself, when you say no to requests that don\u2019t serve you, you free up more time for your priorities. Hollis recommends you decline in a firm, polite, and immediate manner.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A final note: Some weeks will be heavier on work and others will be heavier in other areas, but if you prioritize with intention, you will feel centered overall.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Is it possible to achieve balance in all areas of your life? Do you believe that you have to make a compromise (e.g. between career and family life) because you “can’t have it all”? If you think that you can evenly divide up different areas of your life, you’re setting yourself up for unnecessary stress and anxiety. In her book Girl, Stop Apologizing, Rachel Hollis says that you need to stop telling yourself that you “can’t have it all,” and accept that you can have it all if you’re willing to put in the work. Here’s how you can thrive<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":55118,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,7,42],"tags":[541],"class_list":["post-55064","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-career","category-lifestyle","category-motivation","tag-girl-stop-apologizing","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nLadies, Stop Telling Yourself "You Can't Have It All" - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Women often tell themselves that they can't have it all\u2014a successful career and family life. 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