{"id":54734,"date":"2021-12-01T17:43:46","date_gmt":"2021-12-01T21:43:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=54734"},"modified":"2021-12-18T10:34:04","modified_gmt":"2021-12-18T14:34:04","slug":"how-to-develop-charisma","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Develop Charisma: Be a Good Listener"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What role does the ability to listen play in charisma? What steps can you take to become a better listener?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although it may seem like you only need to be a good speaker to have charisma, a big part of charisma is actually being a charismatic listener. If you take a genuine interest in others, they will be drawn to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are some tips on how to develop charisma<\/a> by improving your listening skills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Be a Better Listener<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In her book The Charisma Myth, <\/em>Cabane asserts that, contrary to what you might expect, it\u2019s far more important to be a charismatic listener than a charismatic speaker<\/a>. <\/strong>If you\u2019re genuinely interested in the other person, they\u2019ll sense it and feel drawn to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you want to know how to develop charisma, Cabane explains, being a mindful, empathetic listener is important because humans tend to associate the people, places, and things around them with their emotional state, even if the connection isn\u2019t logical. This means that how your partner feels when talking to you is far more important than what you talk about<\/strong>. If you make them feel good by being genuinely interested in them, they\u2019ll perceive you as a fascinating conversationalist even if you do nothing but listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cabane offers three tips on becoming a good, empathetic listener. The first is to practice<\/em> mindfulness<\/a><\/em>. Do whatever you can to concentrate on your partner\u2019s words. Second, don\u2019t interrupt<\/em>. No one likes to be cut off mid-sentence. Finally, pause in conversation <\/em>to absorb what your partner is saying. They\u2019ll feel like you\u2019re trying hard to understand their words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Cabane\u2019s earlier argument that the right mindset makes charismatic behavior feel natural applies just as much to the listening skills she outlines here. If you honestly care about what someone has to say, you\u2019ll naturally want to listen mindfully, avoid interrupting, and fully process what they\u2019re saying. Conversely, if you\u2019re only pretending to care about what someone is saying, you\u2019ll be fighting an uphill battle. As previously mentioned, it\u2019s nearly impossible to fake mindfulness, authority, and goodwill, and if your partner detects you\u2019re being disingenuous, it\u2019ll kill any charisma you already have.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Become Interested in Others<\/strong>

Cabane\u2019s advice to become genuinely interested in others to increase your charisma has been a widely-revered social strategy for years\u2014this was the central idea of one of the best-selling books of all time, Dale Carnegie\u2019s How to Win Friends and Influence Others<\/em><\/a> (1936). Carnegie argues that the difference between genuine appreciation and manipulative flattery is sincerity<\/em>\u2014feeling a true emotional drive to learn about and empathize with others. 

But what if empathy for others doesn\u2019t come naturally to you? How do you convince yourself to be interested in other people?<\/a> Cabane doesn\u2019t discuss this, but here are a few tips:

Actively search for the interesting things about everyone. <\/strong>It\u2019s easier to discover the genuinely interesting things about others than to force yourself to be interested in something you\u2019re not. Everyone has something interesting about them if you get to know them well enough\u2014it\u2019s your job to find it.

Lead the conversation to interesting places. <\/strong>Even while you\u2019re following Cabane\u2019s advice and listening more than you\u2019re speaking, you can nudge the conversation toward topics you find interesting. Ask questions that require deeper, more personal, and more insightful answers\u2014instead of asking where they went to college and letting the conversation drop, ask how they felt about the college experience, or what their favorite memory from college is.

Expand your interests<\/a>. <\/strong>It\u2019s impossible to become interested in everything<\/em>, but every time you branch out and learn about something new and interesting, it opens up new potential for future conversations. Dabble in as many new experiences as possible, and you\u2019re more likely to find interesting things about the people you talk to. For example, try out a cooking class, and afterward, you may find someone who works as a chef more interesting.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What role does the ability to listen play in charisma? What steps can you take to become a better listener? Although it may seem like you only need to be a good speaker to have charisma, a big part of charisma is actually being a charismatic listener. If you take a genuine interest in others, they will be drawn to you. Here are some tips on how to develop charisma by improving your listening skills.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":55053,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12,43],"tags":[537],"class_list":["post-54734","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","category-self-improvement","tag-the-charisma-myth","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Develop Charisma: Be a Good Listener - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"You may think that being charismatic is all about being a good speaker. However, a big part of developing charisma is being a good listener.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Develop Charisma: Be a Good Listener\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"You may think that being charismatic is all about being a good speaker. However, a big part of developing charisma is being a good listener.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-12-01T21:43:46+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-12-18T14:34:04+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/listen.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1254\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"788\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Hannah Aster\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Hannah Aster\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Hannah Aster\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/f39f52830e4f7039a16e45d12354542f\"},\"headline\":\"How to Develop Charisma: Be a Good Listener\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-12-01T21:43:46+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-12-18T14:34:04+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/\"},\"wordCount\":695,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/listen.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"The Charisma Myth\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Communication\",\"Relationships\",\"Self-Improvement\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/\",\"name\":\"How to Develop Charisma: Be a Good Listener - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/listen.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-12-01T21:43:46+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-12-18T14:34:04+00:00\",\"description\":\"You may think that being charismatic is all about being a good speaker. However, a big part of developing charisma is being a good listener.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/listen.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/listen.jpg\",\"width\":1254,\"height\":788},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"How to Develop Charisma: Be a Good Listener\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Shortform Books\",\"description\":\"The World's Best Book Summaries\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Shortform Books\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png\",\"width\":500,\"height\":74,\"caption\":\"Shortform Books\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"}},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/f39f52830e4f7039a16e45d12354542f\",\"name\":\"Hannah Aster\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/0302cb2690b70a21639bc6873e587f42d39d02385b7e59d8efd0d3e000ae7681?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/0302cb2690b70a21639bc6873e587f42d39d02385b7e59d8efd0d3e000ae7681?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Hannah Aster\"},\"description\":\"Hannah is a seasoned writer and editor who started her journey with Shortform nearly five years ago. She grew up reading mostly fiction books but transitioned to non-fiction writing when she started her travel website in 2018. When she's not writing or traveling, you can find Hannah working on home reno projects, crafting, or taking care of plants.\",\"knowsAbout\":[\"Graduated summa cum laude with a bachelor's degree in English and minors in professional and creative writing\"],\"jobTitle\":\"SEO Team Lead\",\"worksFor\":\"Shortform\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/author\/hannah\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO Premium plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"How to Develop Charisma: Be a Good Listener - Shortform Books","description":"You may think that being charismatic is all about being a good speaker. However, a big part of developing charisma is being a good listener.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"How to Develop Charisma: Be a Good Listener","og_description":"You may think that being charismatic is all about being a good speaker. However, a big part of developing charisma is being a good listener.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/","og_site_name":"Shortform Books","article_published_time":"2021-12-01T21:43:46+00:00","article_modified_time":"2021-12-18T14:34:04+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1254,"height":788,"url":"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/listen.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Hannah Aster","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Hannah Aster","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/"},"author":{"name":"Hannah Aster","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/f39f52830e4f7039a16e45d12354542f"},"headline":"How to Develop Charisma: Be a Good Listener","datePublished":"2021-12-01T21:43:46+00:00","dateModified":"2021-12-18T14:34:04+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/"},"wordCount":695,"commentCount":0,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/listen.jpg","keywords":["The Charisma Myth"],"articleSection":["Communication","Relationships","Self-Improvement"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/","name":"How to Develop Charisma: Be a Good Listener - Shortform Books","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/listen.jpg","datePublished":"2021-12-01T21:43:46+00:00","dateModified":"2021-12-18T14:34:04+00:00","description":"You may think that being charismatic is all about being a good speaker. However, a big part of developing charisma is being a good listener.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/listen.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/listen.jpg","width":1254,"height":788},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-develop-charisma\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"How to Develop Charisma: Be a Good Listener"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/","name":"Shortform Books","description":"The World's Best Book Summaries","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization","name":"Shortform Books","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png","width":500,"height":74,"caption":"Shortform Books"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"}},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/f39f52830e4f7039a16e45d12354542f","name":"Hannah Aster","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/0302cb2690b70a21639bc6873e587f42d39d02385b7e59d8efd0d3e000ae7681?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/0302cb2690b70a21639bc6873e587f42d39d02385b7e59d8efd0d3e000ae7681?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Hannah Aster"},"description":"Hannah is a seasoned writer and editor who started her journey with Shortform nearly five years ago. She grew up reading mostly fiction books but transitioned to non-fiction writing when she started her travel website in 2018. When she's not writing or traveling, you can find Hannah working on home reno projects, crafting, or taking care of plants.","knowsAbout":["Graduated summa cum laude with a bachelor's degree in English and minors in professional and creative writing"],"jobTitle":"SEO Team Lead","worksFor":"Shortform","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/author\/hannah\/"}]}},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/listen.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54734","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=54734"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54734\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":56079,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54734\/revisions\/56079"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/55053"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=54734"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=54734"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=54734"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}