{"id":54492,"date":"2021-11-26T17:10:04","date_gmt":"2021-11-26T21:10:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=54492"},"modified":"2021-12-09T13:46:04","modified_gmt":"2021-12-09T17:46:04","slug":"worry-about-the-things-you-can-control","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/worry-about-the-things-you-can-control\/","title":{"rendered":"Worry About the Things You Can Control"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>How do you stop worrying about the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/control-what-you-can-control\/\">things you can&#8217;t control<\/a>? How do you prevent external factors you can&#8217;t influence from affecting your mental and emotional state?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Many people let their minds be consumed by the things they have no control over. They let external factors dictate their internal state. But worrying about the things they cannot control causes them unnecessary stress and reinforces feelings of victimization.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here is why you should only worry about the things you can control (otherwise, you&#8217;d just be spinning your wheels with pointless stress).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Worry About the Things You Can Control<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-take-control-of-your-life\/\">Taking control of your life<\/a> requires you to be in control of your thoughts and actions\u2014and that means recognizing that you <em>have<\/em> control of those things, which is a two-part process.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>First, understand that you are not your thoughts, moods, or feelings. <\/strong>According to Covey, although you may think that your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/thoughts-feelings-and-behaviors\/\">thoughts and emotions<\/a> are expressions of your identity, they are merely expressions of your reactions to events and circumstances. Additionally, you react to your <em>interpretation<\/em> of what\u2019s happening, and that is influenced by your paradigms\u2014which are malleable. Change your paradigms, change how you interpret life, change how you feel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Second, you are not your circumstances or your conditioning.<\/strong> Society and popular culture often tell us that we are the products of our upbringing, environment, era, culture, and other external influences. However, this view is based on determinism, which says that you are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/your-genius\/\">who you are<\/a> and do what you do because you\u2019re reacting to the given stimuli. That stimuli may be:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Genetic<\/strong>, meaning that your DNA dictates your temperament and other traits. This is the \u201cnature\u201d side of nature vs. nurture. According to this theory, you\u2019re hardwired to be the way you are.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Psychic<\/strong>, meaning that your parents, upbringing, and experiences make you who you are. This is the \u201cnurture\u201d side of nature vs. nurture.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Environmental<\/strong>, meaning that you\u2019re a victim of the people and environment around you. These forces create your situation, and there\u2019s no escaping your situation.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The Circle of Concern<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Understanding that we always have the power to choose our thoughts, feelings, and actions makes it clear that every situation presents a choice between being <em>reactive <\/em>or <em>proactive<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>If you\u2019re <em>reactive<\/em>, your conditioning dictates how you respond<\/strong> to people and circumstances. This is the outside-in approach: External factors affect how you feel inside. Your physical environment (e.g. the weather) and social environment (e.g. how people treat you) determine how you feel and act.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>If you\u2019re proactive, you decide how you\u2019ll respond<\/strong> to create the results you want. With this inside-out paradigm, you mindfully choose your thoughts and actions based on values you\u2019ve chosen, cultivated, and internalized. You\u2019re still subject to rain and your boss\u2019s bad mood, but you suppress your reactive emotional impulses when you react.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Covey describes proactivity as focusing only on issues you can impact. Put another way, <strong>don\u2019t waste your energy worrying about problems you can\u2019t affect\u2014worry about the things you can control. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Covey illustrates this by drawing a \u201cCircle of Concern\u201d around all of your thoughts and worries. Some of those thoughts and worries are within a smaller circle, inside the Circle of Concern\u2014this is the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/circle-of-influence-covey-7-habits\/\">Circle of Influence<\/a>, which contains all the things that you can actually do something about. For example, the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/current-housing-market\/\">housing market<\/a> slump is in your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/circle-of-concern-and-circle-of-influence\/\">Circle of Concern<\/a>, whereas your upcoming mortgage payment is in your Circle of Influence.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/lh3.googleusercontent.com\/UhG5QqtXaoE-NypsOAaUQphZmwC6B74u-TKwesO00uzCZu3PmMunQx6ghb-uWxdTJEnuAFtxnMjANljopw-XplHG0ZJAD3C6-_A5z71OHNINaRSl5U0S7RoE9Y-lVcnioRfe-K9c\" alt=\"\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Covey asserts that <strong>reactive people focus on issues outside their Circle of Influence.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>By contrast, <strong>proactive people spend their time and energy only on their Circle of Influence.<\/strong> Furthermore, they actually <em>expand<\/em> their Circle of Influence because, by definition, proactive people recognize and address the issues in front of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"312\" height=\"312\" src=\"https:\/\/lh5.googleusercontent.com\/7uDFPxo0Q9jYlcaFbwplZLG_J-i0HpL9jM0Clojbw9dP3GF6z2uHTAJQmPd6aYcP-fGsp9LaN1aKRiN5_2h35UzWt8W2UzCqPzm5rHoWFYFtNTB9zBgqMOwH7xYZ_ke_8hR6PrmK\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"312\" height=\"312\" src=\"https:\/\/lh3.googleusercontent.com\/awkLDK74_8c45u4PdQ0ycnyGHE4AHa0GgPblXthEJqj6lC_Au4mWFEg_4w0Dua7-MOUyTsm3koC81L8Vm4dBLDSpDz75UNgQhQij_n7BUOLM_wf4W6VOfeo0XtbvG6HrlxKSUoK9\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Proactivity Doesn\u2019t Guarantee Results<\/strong><br><br>When it comes to your Circle of Influence, Covey makes an important, implicit distinction between the things you can <em>affect<\/em> and the things you can <em>control<\/em>. By his definition, you move a concern into your Circle of Influence by coming up with a plan to address it, though there\u2019s no way to guarantee the outcome. <strong>This suggests that proactivity\u2019s greater virtue is in the psychological relief of tackling an issue and putting it to bed, rather than the actual results of the action.<\/strong>&nbsp;<br><br>For instance, a proactive person can influence their daughter\u2019s grades by helping her study and working with her to create a schedule. However, they can\u2019t force their daughter to focus or stick to the schedule. Ultimately, there is no way to control their daughter\u2019s behavior or performance in school, but a proactive person is still motivated to take the steps available to influence the situation.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do you stop worrying about the things you can&#8217;t control? How do you prevent external factors you can&#8217;t influence from affecting your mental and emotional state? Many people let their minds be consumed by the things they have no control over. They let external factors dictate their internal state. But worrying about the things they cannot control causes them unnecessary stress and reinforces feelings of victimization. Here is why you should only worry about the things you can control (otherwise, you&#8217;d just be spinning your wheels with pointless stress).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":39054,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,43],"tags":[73],"class_list":["post-54492","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-motivation","category-self-improvement","tag-7-habits-of-highly-effective-people","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Worry About the Things You Can Control - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you waste energy focusing on stuff you can\u2019t change? Learn how to worry about the things you can control rather than the things you can\u2019t.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/worry-about-the-things-you-can-control\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Worry About the Things You Can Control\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Do you waste energy focusing on stuff you can\u2019t change? Learn how to worry about the things you can control rather than the things you can\u2019t.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/worry-about-the-things-you-can-control\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-11-26T21:10:04+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-12-09T17:46:04+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/meditation-thinking-stress-contemplation-reflection-self-mind.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1920\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1080\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/worry-about-the-things-you-can-control\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/worry-about-the-things-you-can-control\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"Worry About the Things You Can Control\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-11-26T21:10:04+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-12-09T17:46:04+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/worry-about-the-things-you-can-control\/\"},\"wordCount\":816,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/worry-about-the-things-you-can-control\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/meditation-thinking-stress-contemplation-reflection-self-mind.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Motivation\",\"Self-Improvement\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/worry-about-the-things-you-can-control\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/worry-about-the-things-you-can-control\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/worry-about-the-things-you-can-control\/\",\"name\":\"Worry About the Things You Can Control - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/worry-about-the-things-you-can-control\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/worry-about-the-things-you-can-control\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/meditation-thinking-stress-contemplation-reflection-self-mind.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-11-26T21:10:04+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-12-09T17:46:04+00:00\",\"description\":\"Do you waste energy focusing on stuff you can\u2019t change? 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