{"id":54055,"date":"2021-11-01T10:19:00","date_gmt":"2021-11-01T14:19:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=54055"},"modified":"2021-11-15T11:49:20","modified_gmt":"2021-11-15T15:49:20","slug":"how-to-be-liked-by-everyone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-be-liked-by-everyone\/","title":{"rendered":"Popularity 101: How to Be Liked by Everyone"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

How do you get people to like you<\/a>? What is it about likable people that makes them that way? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all want to be liked and socially accepted\u2014it\u2019s a fundamental longing. Psychologist William James once said, \u201cOne of the deepest drives of human nature is the desire to be appreciated.\u201d Though you won\u2019t get everyone to like you, there are ways to make yourself into a person who gets along well with others, even if you\u2019re not very social or are considered \u201cdifficult.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this article, we’ll explore what it takes to become likable, drawing on sources from popular literature. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

A \u201cComfortable Person\u201d Is Well-Liked<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

No matter what your life has been like, you can become a well-liked, popular person. Becoming well-liked is a skill that can be developed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, be easygoing and natural; be someone other people can be around without a sense of strain<\/strong>. Peale calls this being a \u201ccomfortable person.\u201d When you\u2019re too reserved and stiff, people don\u2019t know how to act or what to say around you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re not a \u201ccomfortable person,\u201d look inward. Don\u2019t assume people don\u2019t like you because something is wrong with them\u2014assume the trouble lies with you. Be honest about your less-than-attractive personality traits and know they can be changed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To get other people to like you, you have to like them, and this isn\u2019t always easy. Some people are a lot less likable than others. Understand that when you get to know anyone, even someone who isn\u2019t likable on the surface, you\u2019ll find admirable and loveable qualities.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To do this, develop<\/strong> a sincere interest in and love for people<\/strong>. Once you can develop this trait, other positive traits like kindness and generosity will follow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Be Liked<\/a> by Everyone: Love Yourself First<\/strong>

Being a comfortable person requires being comfortable with yourself.<\/strong> Any number of self-help books advise us to accept and love ourselves just as we are (while recognizing that there\u2019s always room for improvement), but we can go too far in the opposite direction. In No More Mr. Nice Guy, <\/em>Robert Glover<\/a> discusses the so-called \u201cNice Guy\u201d phenomenon, wherein people (particularly men) fall into a cycle of people-pleasing<\/em>: Trying to make others happy with no regard for their own needs. 

\u201cNice Guys\u201d think that, if they make others happy, those people will naturally reciprocate by giving them what they want\u2014and they can get extremely angry if that doesn\u2019t happen. Furthermore, their people-pleasing behavior often comes off as insincere or desperate. 

Therefore, Glover\u2019s advice for how to be liked is to put yourself first<\/a>: Be honest with yourself and others about your needs, and don\u2019t be afraid of rejection or scorn. According to Glover, when you meet your own needs first, people will find you much easier to be around. <\/strong>That\u2019s because you aren\u2019t relying on others to meet those needs, and you don\u2019t have ulterior motives for your friendly behavior.

In The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck<\/em>, Mark Manson says something similar: You can\u2019t control what other people think of you, and it\u2019s unhealthy to try.<\/a> For that reason, Manson says that popularity is a negative value<\/em>\u2014something that will hurt you and the people around you if you pursue it. Instead, Manson says that you should turn your focus inward; work on becoming happy and comfortable with yourself, and others will find you more likable.<\/strong> <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Make People Feel Important<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Another factor in getting people to like you is to build up their ego. Everyone wants to feel important. Think about how you feel when someone deflates your ego<\/a>; you feel wounded and disrespected, and you won\u2019t like that person very much. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Imagine someone telling a joke to a group of people. Everyone laughs, except you. You tell everyone you heard that joke a month ago. Nobody in that group is going to like you much; you deflated a person\u2019s moment and took away their joy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you build people up, they\u2019ll feel respected, and they\u2019ll love you for it.<\/strong> If someone contributes to your self-respect and self-worth, they are helping you be your best self<\/a>, and you\u2019ll be grateful toward them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Build up as many people as you can; let them know the possibilities you see in them and the genuine love<\/a> you have for them. They\u2019ll reward you with their own respect and affection. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dale Carnegie\u2019s classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People <\/em>says that everybody likes to feel important<\/a>, so one of the surest ways to get someone to like you is to stroke his or her ego. 

Carnegie adds that the effect is especially strong with people who often get overlooked and dismissed. For example, elderly people and people who work customer service jobs are frequently looked down on by others; those are the people who will most appreciate it if you take a moment to build up their self-esteem.  <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How do you get people to like you? What is it about likable people that makes them that way? We all want to be liked and socially accepted\u2014it\u2019s a fundamental longing. Psychologist William James once said, \u201cOne of the deepest drives of human nature is the desire to be appreciated.\u201d Though you won\u2019t get everyone to like you, there are ways to make yourself into a person who gets along well with others, even if you\u2019re not very social or are considered \u201cdifficult.\u201d   In this article, we’ll explore what it takes to become likable, drawing on sources from popular literature.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":38157,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9],"tags":[463],"class_list":["post-54055","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","tag-the-power-of-positive-thinking","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nPopularity 101: How to Be Liked by Everyone - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Being liked is important for your self-esteem as well as your success in life and relationships. 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